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By now, it’s no secret that I’m a Warner Brothers/Looney Tunes fan, and that like many WB/LT fans, that I’m also a fan of Steven Spielberg’s Tiny Toon Adventures. Although I personally like TTA’s successor Animaniacs a little more, TTA remains one of THE best cartoons to come from the 1990s.
Having said that, there are times when even a good show like Tiny Toons would deliver some moments that make you go “Huh?”. The Hub network’s recent acquiring TTA has brought to mind some such moments. Most notably, the episode “High Toon”, which contains no less than 3 head-scratching moments in a single scene.
For those unfamiliar with the story, “High Toon” begins with Buster & Babs Bunny tunneling their way through the High Plains on the way to a theme park known as “Acmeland” (which we never see in the episode), but thanks to a mishap with switching signs courtesy of Beaky Buzzard, B&B are re-routed and end up in “No Man’s Land”, a lawless Western town whose citizens are are being terrorized by a gang of outlaws led by one Coyote Kid (who looks like Wile E. Coyote in a cowboy suit). After Babs and Buster (who initially think that they’re just watching a show) intervene and get their belongings stolen, they vow to bring the Coyote Kid and his gang of outlaws to justice.
The first “What the what?” moment occurs after one of the townspeople tells the rabbits that they would “need an army to beat the Coyote Kid”. Buster responds with “Then we’ll get an army!” He and Babs then leave and a minute later, they return with…….Hamton and Plucky (cue the ‘wah-wah’ musical sting). Now I realize that creatively speaking, this was merely done as a way to incorporate Plucky and Hamton into the story, which isn’t surprising, as the half hour TTA episodes typically focused on these 4 characters almost exclusively, but if this was just done to get Plucky and Hamton involved, then why not just have them there with Buster & Babs from the very start and not bothered with that whole “We’re going to get an army!” business at all? I’m surprised that none of the townsfolk said anything like “Hey, what gives? You said that you were going to get an army! That’s just 2 more people! That’s weak, man! We could’ve gotten 2 more people and saved you a trip! Four people isn’t army, it’s not even enough to be the starting lineup for a basketball team!” Trying to pass 2 more people as an army is no more logical than trying to pass off 2 more people as “The rest” on Gilligan’s Island. To quote comedienne Carol Liefer, “‘The rest’? Come on! It’s just 2 more people. They’re stranded on a desert island. At least let their families know that they’re still alive!”
The second head scratch moment occurs immediately afterwards, where we see Babs telling Plucky and Hamton the real reason why they were brought there; to help them bring in a vicious gang of coyote outlaws, only after they’ve arrived. So if Hamton and Plucky didn’t know that they’re brought there to bring down a gang of outlaws, then why were they both looking tough and menacing when they first arrive?
The third peculiarity is when learning about Buster & Babs’ intention to do battle with the Coyote Kid, Plucky typically wants no part of the skirmish and tries to leave, only for Buster to convince him stay with the promise that “There’s gold in them thar hills!” Plucky’s greed then takes over and now he wants in, but then the gold thing is never mentioned again anymore in the entire episode. This wasn’t the only time that Plucky’s greed was used as a motivation. In another episode, “Europe In Thirty Minutes”, Plucky at least twice plans to abandon the toons’ mission to stop the kidnapping attempt of Prince Charles and Princess Diana (the latter of whom was still alive when this episode was made), and each time this happened, either Buster or Babs would convince Plucky to stay with the prospect of him being knighted. This was a running gag throughout the episode; every time Plucky is about to bail, Buster and/or Babs dangle the porspect of knighthood under his beak and he’s back in.. And also in the episode “Hare Raising Night”, Buster tricks his buddies into accompanying him on his mission to stop the mad scientist Dr. Gene Splicer by telling them that they’re going to the Academy Awards. Plucky continues to believe this ruse long after Babs and Hamton have figured out that it’s false. It’s not like Plucky to just forget about the prospect of getting rich.
Speaking of “Hare Raising Night”, it always struck me as being somewhat curious that Bugs would recruit 4 of his students to defeat a mad scientist instead of, you know, the police or a team of trained professionals. I know that it’s the Tiny Toons’ show, but still, it seemed odd that 4 toon students who aren’t special agents and have zero experience or special training in such matters would be selected for something that doesn’t directly affect them. Extra credit, perhaps?
Here it is, 2013, and still the only way stand-up comics and the writers of Robot Chicken can think of to make Aquaman funny is to chortle, “Hur-hur. Aquaman’s lame. He’s a pansy who can’t fight, and his only superpower is talking to fish.” Seriously? The character has gone through numerous revamps and reboots, and people are still harping on the “Aquaman is useless” trope?? I get that many people base their opinion on Aquaman on the way he was portrayed on the old Super Friends TV show, where they downplayed his super-strength since they wanted Superman to be known as the strong one, and of course BS&P wouldn’t allow his to brandish his trident because they apparently were worried about kids on the playground stabbing each other with tridents, and of course, NO Super Friend could ever be shown punching anyone who could bruise, bleed or punch back. But come on, Super Friends was 40 years ago. Get current. Learn a new tune, already!
FTR, here’s a list of Aquaman’s current abilities:
Aquaman’s most widely recognized power is the telepathic ability to communicate with marine life, which he can summon from great distances. Although this power is most often and most easily used on marine life, Aquaman has at times demonstrated the ability to affect any being that lives upon the sea (e.g., sea eagles), or even any being evolved from marine life (e.g., humans). As per the 2011 DC continuity reboot, Aquaman’s telepathy has been greatly downplayed: acknowledging that most marine life doesn’t possess enough intelligence to carry a meaningful telepathic communication, Aquaman is now stated to simply add compulsions and needs in the mindset of aquatic life, compelling them to do his bidding by a subtle altering of their midbrain.
Aquaman has a number of superhuman powers, most of which derive from the fact that he is adapted to live in the depths of the ocean. He has the ability to breathe underwater. He possesses superhuman durability high enough to remain unaffected by the immense pressure and the cold temperature of the ocean depths, this also makes him tough enough to be invulnerable to machine gun fire. He also possesses superhuman strength. He can swim at very high speeds, capable of reaching speeds of 10,000 feet per second and can swim up Niagara Falls. He can see in near total darkness and has enhanced hearing granting limited sonar.
However, one point of interest regarding the Aquaman rhetoric can be found in the form of Aquaman’s sidekicks, the Aqualads, Garth (Tempest) and Kaldur’ahm.
In addition to possessing the usual string of Atlantean abilities, these stud-muffins can also perform acts of aquatic sorcery: making water constructs and weapons, forming water into ice and gaseous forms, etc. This begs the question: why didn’t DC just give all Atlanteans hydrokinetic powers from the get-go? If Aquaman and the other Atlanteans were water-based sorcerers, there may never have been the string of “Aquaman is lame” jokes.
Let’s move on to another water-based superhero who has received more than his fair share of abuse from comedians and cartoon writers: Zan of the Wonder Twins.
“Hello, ladies!”
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Like Aquaman, this guy has been the butt of jokes for decades now. The typical mode of thinking is, “Jayna’s power is cool since she can turn into animals, but Zan’s power is lame because he just turns into water”. Even the Twins’ parent company makes fun of Zan:
Come on, now. Are we all really that short-sighted? Let’s explore the true nature and extent of Zan’s power, shall we?
Zan can transform into water at any state (solid, liquid, gas) and add to his mass by incorporating water in his immediate area. In the case of becoming solid ice, he can also become any form he chooses, from a 5,000 foot humanoid ice giant to a cage for a criminal to complex machinery (such as a jet engine, as he did in the episode “Eruption”). He changes into a gelatinous form at one point. On another occasion, he transformed into liquid nitrogen. In addition, he can transform himself into atmospheric disturbances (usually very localized) involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, waterspout or a typhoon. In the comics, the Twins’ powers were more extensive and Zan could transform into things like ice monsters, hurricanes and demonic looking sentient whirlpools. Beaten by a sponge? I think not.
There are no useless characters; only writers who don’t or can’t think of formidable or creative ways to use them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Zan’s power. He just needs to be under the supervision of someone who can properly utilize it. Water can be unyielding, imposing and even deadly. The moon’s gravitational pull is controlled by the tides, lest we forget. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this water-wielder:
“Any moron with 2 working eyes can see that I’m not white. Got that, M. Night Shaymalan?”
As previously mentioned in Jason (Goldstar)’s Yogi’s Space Race review, a staple of Hanna-Barbera Studios was its’ employment of the “potpourri” show concept, namely gathering their vast and rather redundant library of star characters together in a single program, typically with them all involved in some group activity like a major sporting competition or celebrating some character’s First Christmas TM. I suppose to die-hard HB fans, these crossovers were considered the ultimate team-ups. But for folks like me, these characters were simply interchangeable; putting 20 of them on one program was like dawn of the Stepford Cartoons. One early example of the HB “potpourri” show was 1973’s Yogi’s Gang, which aired 16 half-hour episodes on ABC from September 8, 1973, to December 29, 1973 and was based on a TV movie from a year earlier called Yogi’s Ark Lark. For those who aren’t old codgers like me and weren’t around to experience this show, imagine if all of the characters from the Boomerang Zoo block appeared together in one show, suck out all of the fun and mix in the ham-handed PSA preachiness of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and The New Zoo Revue and you have the basic idea of what we had to endure back then.
Here’s the basic crux: In the TV movie Yogi’s Ark Lark (1972), a myriad of HB’s funny animal toon stars, specifically Atom Ant, Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy, The Hillbilly Bears, Hokey Wolf and Ding-A-Ling, Huckleberry Hound, Lambsy, Lippy the Lion & Hardy Har Har, Magilla Gorilla, Moby Dick (from Moby Dick and Mighty Mightor), Peter Potamus and So-So, Pixie and Dixie and Mr. Jinks, Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Looey, Ruff and Reddy, Sawtooth the Beaver (Rufus Ruffcut’s pet beaver from Wacky Races), Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole, Snagglepuss, Squiddly Diddly, Top Cat and his gang (Benny the Ball, Spook, Choo Choo, Fancy Fancy, and the Brain–not the lab mouse from Animaniacs who wants to take over the world!), Touché Turtle and Dum Dum, Wally Gator, Yakky Doodle & Chopper, Yogi Bear and Boo Boo and an unknown and unnamed dinosaur character (Phew! That’s was a long list, but no worries; since all of them contribute what is in essence a single character–they’re all basically same goofball–and as such I won’t need to delve into any of their ‘characters’ individually again and have no desire whatsoever to do separate reviews of any of their own respective cartoons, I won’t ever have to type it again) headed by Yogi, become concerned about the environment and pollution, and gather together at Jellystone Park to build a flying ship resembling Noah’s Ark with a propeller on top to find “The Perfect Place”, an environment free of of pollution, deforestation, and other forms of mankind’s despoilment. They are aided by Jellystone Park’s handyman, Mr. Smitty, and out of gratitude the gang decide to name the ship after him. The name ‘Smitty’s Houseboat’ is too long to paint on the ship’s bow, but Mr. Smitty’s first name just happens to be Noah, so they end up calling it ‘Noah’s Ark’. (Get it? How original and not at all pretentious!) Anyways, after journeying from everywhere from the Antarctic to the Sahara Desert to outer space (yes, really), the kid animals (Augie Doggie, Boo Boo, Baba Looey, Benny the Ball, Lambsy, Shag Rugg, Yakky Doodle–wait, since when are Boo-Boo, Baba Looey and Benny the Ball kids? I knew that they were short, but them being minors gives their “partnership” with their taller, adult animal partners a somewhat creepy vibe) get the idea that there is no “Perfect Place”, and that they should all simply go back home and clean up the messes that they were trying to get away from, since It’s Up To All Of Us TM. This decision is met with unanimous approval, and the animals all head for home to take pollution down to zero, and turn their home into “the Perfect Place.”
Nifty. Well, it would seem that these guys must suffer from short-term memory loss, since the following year they were back in that flying boat again, once more looking for a place free of pollution or crime and doin’ the righteous thing for an additional 16 episodes (really 15, as episode 16 was just a rebroadcast of Yogi’s Ark Lark, split into 2 parts. Here’s the opening:
-Now, I know what you younger folks are thinking: about Boo-Boo’s line in the 3rd verse:
…Yeah, Boo-Boo sang “The world be so bright and gay”; keep in mind this was 1973, back when ‘gay’ still meant ‘happy’. It was meant to have shiny, happy connotations, but of course hearing that line now, and then seeing that shot of the little side-stepping dance all those male cartoon characters are shown doing afterwards, it’s unintentionally hilarious. Moving on…
The show typically ran along the same basic lines. The ship, curiously now dubbed ‘Yogi’s Ark’ and now with Yogi at the helm (it’s never stated exactly what happened to Noah Smitty, or at what point Yogi assumed command, but I’m guessing you just might find something interesting at the bottom of the Hudson River chained to a block of cement) traverses the skies and lands somewhere where they run afoul of some loony would-be supervillain who is the embodiment of some human vice, bad habit or negative trait: Captain Swashbuckle Swipe, Smokestack Smog, Lotta Litter, the Envy Brothers, Mr. Hothead, Dr. Bigot (and his henchmen Professor Haggling and Professor Bickering), the Gossipy Witch of the West, J. Wantum Vandal, the Sheik of Selfishness, Commadore Phineas P. Fibber, I.M. Sloppy, Peter D. Cheater, Mr. Waste, Hilarious P. Prankster, and the Greedy Genie (think a dime store Legion of Doom, only not nearly as awesome). Typically these goons would masquerade as allies to the gang, only for our heroes to discover their true intentions by Act 3 (Gee, who would have thought a guy called DR. BIGOT would be bad news), and we the audience would get the basic Moral of the Week pounded into our heads with a sledgehammer: Don’t litter. Don’t play pranks on people. Don’t be envious. Don’t cheat. Don’t fib. Don’t be selfish. Don’t gossip. Don’t steal. Don’t be a hothead. Don’t vandalize. Don’t be wasteful. Don’t pollute. Don’t be sloppy. And above all, don’t expect your Saturday morning cartoons to be in any way fun or entertaining. The preachy moralizing this show did made Smokey the Bear and Woodsy Owl facepalm.
“Dude, seriously. Just give the message to the kids straight. Don’t be drama queens. Nobody likes to be preached to, especially on Saturday morning. And you just gotta love the irony of a bear who’s made a career out of swiping peoples’ pic-a-nic baskets telling people not to be greedy or selfish. Hypocrite much?”
“Remember, TV execs. Give a hoot. Don’t pollute the air waves with Politically Correct pap!”
Finally, why is Peter Potamus making that messed up face in the crow’s nest in the opening titles? Was he airsick? Did he just receive a vision of the future where Williams Street spoofs him on Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law? Or maybe he just came to the realization that he and his fellow HB toon stars were starring in a show in which they traveled the globe in a flying ark ramming pro-social values down kids’ collective throats. The world may never know.
A: One of them is a sinking ship, and the other one is the Titanic.
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There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that Cartoon Network’s hour long program block Cartoon Planet has since been expanded and is now running on Thursday afternoons as well as Friday nights. The bad news is that the block has since began to be less of a celebration of CN’s 20th Anniversary and has devolved into being mostly a dumping ground for old CN shows. Things picked up a little when CP began airing more recently canceled CN originals such as Secret Mountain Fort Awesome, Robotomy and The Problem Solverz (although CN kind of shot itself in the foot by running the same episode of Robotomy 2 weeks in a row), but those shows left the block just as suddenly and mysteriously as they came. Worse yet, CP has begun airing recent acquisitions such as Scaredy Squirrel and Almost Naked Animals, and even more curiously, CN has recently began airing entire episodes of WB’s MAD once per hour on the block (granted, each episode of MAD is only 15 minutes in length, but still…).
“What? Me on Cartoon Planet?”
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This I personally don’t understand. Why run MAD as part of Cartoon Planet when MAD is still making new episodes and gets encores throughout the week? If CN is going to run MAD, then the network might as well start airing The Amazing World of Gumball, Regular Show, Adventure Time and Johnny Test during the block. Admittedly, I don’t typically hang out with Cartoon Network’s current target age demographic, so I have to ask; is MAD really that popular? Are the shows’ ratings really so strong? I knew that the show was doing well enough to stay on the air, but I didn’t think that MAD was anybody’s favorite CN show, the way that Regular Show and Adventure Time are. It’ could simply be that one of the Big Brass at Cartoon Network is just a huge fan of MAD. After all, that’s the only reason why Cowboy Bebop ended up airing on Adult Swim. I’m going to quote my twin brother Damon (Silverstar) here, as the following is his take on MAD airing as part of Cartoon Planet, so as the following are his words, they’ll be typed in blue.
If Cartoon Network really must run MAD on Cartoon Planet, then why not do it this way: First, you don’t have to run MAD every single week. You could rotate it, the way that you do with every other show on the block. Second, you could just air 1 or 2 sketches, not the entire show each time. WB’s DC Nation sometimes airs MAD sketches, but with that block, it’s always just 1 sketch per show, not the entire episode.
More than many, I personally understand that nostalgia alone loses it’s appeal after a while, and I don’t want to sound like a nostalgia person, but if CN is going to start running non Cartoon-Cartoons on the CP block, then they could just as easily start airing old Looney Tunes or Tom & Jerry shorts. They’re at least old enough to be considered nostalgia and have been running on CN for years. In the case of the latter, CN has already started airing shorts from WB’s Tom & Jerry Tales, which began airing on CN in 2008. Heck, CN could even air 2 Stupid Dogs on CP. Not technically a Cartoon-Cartoon, I realize, since 2SD originally aired on TBS, but the show did run on CN for a time, and again, it’s old enough to be thought of as nostalgic.
Personally, at this point, I which that CN would have stuck with the block’s original title, Best of CN, so we the viewers at home could continue to savor the memories of the original 1995 program. CN may have resurrected the name, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s still only 1 Cartoon Planet.
ROCK ON!!
ADDENDUM
It’s recently come to my attention that Cartoon Network has added Annoying Orange to the Thursday afternoon Cartoon Planet lineup. So it’s official; CN just doesn’t care anymore.
“What’s the matter? Don’t you find my show a-PEAL-ling? Did I just plant the SEED of doubt? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!”
Twin Images 
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