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Cartoon Country: Johnny Test in “Johnny’s Big Snow Job”

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Today Cartoon Country looks at the season 1 Johnny Test episode, “Johnny’s Big Snow Job”. The plot: it’s winter time in Porkbelly, and Johnny, being the Totally Rad Dude (TM) that he is, wants a snow day so he can snowboard and slack off from school, but the town is instead in the midst of an unseasonable heat wave. So as always he turns to his much more appealing and interesting genius twin sisters, Susan and Mary, to whip up a snow making machine. They do, Johnny overdoes it as usual, and wackiness ensues.

OK, time for the nitpicks:

1. In the middle of the story, after the machine goes haywire, Johnny remarks that he and his family have been trapped indoors for a month. A month?? Yeah, even by cartoon logic I have to call BS on that. I live on the East Coast and I’ve unfortunately been snowed in during my share of winters; most people are climbing the walls after 2 days, but these guys are just nonchalantly chillaxing at home after being trapped inside for a month? No. By Day 30 it should be like Lord of the Flies in there.

2. Notice anything missing in that scene? Where the smeg was their mom, Lila? Yeah, I know part of her character’s shtick is that she’s “super busy” and all that, but come on. They’ve all been buried under several feet of snow. The dad Hugh said that the entire town had run out of food. If that were truly the case, then all non-essential businesses would be closed. No way would Lila be off having a normal day at work in the middle of a Snowpocalypse. And if she somehow were able to tunnel her way out to go to work, then they could just travel to the next nearby town and get some freaking food! How hard would it have been for the artists to simply draw Lila at the table with the rest of the family? Even if Kathleen Barr wasn’t available to voice the character, the writers could have acknowledged her existence, given the extraordinary circumstances. That was just lazy. (Unless the family resorted to cannibalism and ate Lila somewhere around day 15, and I can’t believe that for a second; if they really were going to resort to that, then Johnny would logically be the first one to go into the pot.)

That aside, “Johnny’s Big Snow Job” was fairly entertaining, by Johnny Test standards, anyway. Some of the gags were pretty amusing, like the weatherman plugging a sports drink in the middle of his broadcast or the montage where Johnny and Dukey are begging the twins to make it snow (the fact that you got to see Susan and Mary in swimsuits didn’t hurt either), and this was a season 1 episode, back when the show was still a co-production between Teletoon and Warner Bros., so the animation was pretty decent.

And it was all downhill from there.

And it was all downhill from there.

Ad Nausea: Can’t Stop the Music…But We’re Trying

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You know what’s been grinding my gears lately?

This ad for the 2016 Honda Pilot:

 

As you may know, this ad is actually a follow-up to a spot Honda did about 2 years earlier, but it’s the same basic premise: take a once cool rock song and all but ruin it by having a really cornball suburban family belt it out like the sort of bastardized version you’d hear over the PA system of a department store. First it was Black Sabbath’s “Crazy Train”, now it’s Weezer’s “Buddy Holly”. Who’s next? let me just say this: Stay away from Metallica. That’s the line.

I mean, come on, Honda. That youngest daughter looks to be about 6 and the younger son looks about 8, and we’re supposed to believe that these 2 and Gramps even know who Weezer is, let alone know the lyrics to a Weezer song that came out in 1995? I call baloney on that. Maybe the 2 teen kids might have heard the song once or twice as toddlers, but it’s really a stretch to imagine that little Mason and Chelsea are familiar with this novelty alternative rock song which came out at least 2 decades before they were even born, and there’s absolutely no frelling way that Peepop knows the lyrics to “Buddy Holly” unless he’s a retired roadie for the band. Also, how did the young 20-somethings in the other car hear the family singing when their windows were rolled up all the way?

Getting back to this ad’s 2012 predecessor for a second…

…As with the “Buddy Holly” spot, the ad makers went overboard with the casting, placing 7 family members into the Honda in order to show how many people it can seat; when the original spot came out, folks on YouTube went double-live gonzo over the fact that there was a black child riding along with this otherwise all-Caucasian family (guess which one’s adopted??), hitting cyberspace with such zingers as these:

mortimer-snerd

 

“They probably kidnapped the black kid!”

-Yeah, suburban white families abduct African American kids and force them to accompany them on leisurely jaunts on the road all the time. So…

epic_fail_by_danzilla3

 

And,

jackass

“It’s racist that the black kid is riding in the back!”

To which I say, Yes, he’s riding in the back of the car…

no-shit-sherlock

He’s a KID. He’s riding in the back seat of the car with all of the other KIDS. Would it have made you feel better if they had instead stuffed him inside of the glove compartment or bungee corded him to the roof?

-On top of everything else, the “Buddy Holly” family isn’t even doing the song right. They’re singing it too fast and completely ignoring the beat.

I’ll let the original artists show these folks how it’s done.

And that’s the name of that tune.

Cartoon Country: Meet the Robinsons, Act 2

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Today Cartoon Country looks at Disney’s Meet the Robinsons (a very underrated film in my opinion), specifically the movie’s second act, where junior time traveler Wilbur Robinson takes boy inventor Lewis to the distant year 2037, where he meets Wilbur’s kooky family and is flung headlong into wacky antics.

Meet the Robinsons

Several folks I’ve talked to think that act 2 of the movie dragged a bit, but personally it was one of my favorite parts of the movie. It was one of the few times that Disney has attempted Looney Tunes style humor and it went off effectively.

Casa Del Robinson, complete with gold-plated robot butler!

Casa Del Robinson, complete with gold-plated robot servant!

Incidentally, act 2 of the movie is the scene which most closely resembles the children's book 'A Day with Wilbur Robinson', which the movie was loosely based on. In it, a boy (Lewis) visits an unusual family and their home. While spending the day in his best friend Wilbur Robinson's household, Lewis joins in the search for Grandfather Robinson's missing false teeth and meets one wacky relative after another.

Incidentally, act 2 of the movie is the scene which most closely resembles the children’s book ‘A Day with Wilbur Robinson’, which the movie was loosely based on. In it, a boy (Lewis) visits an unusual family and their home. While spending the day in his best friend Wilbur Robinson’s household, Lewis joins in the search for Grandfather Robinson’s missing false teeth and meets one wacky relative after another. There’s no time-travel or sci-fi elements in the book, just searching for teeth and wackiness.

The Robinson clan is a unique bunch to be sure, and there are a LOT of relatives present, who flit by quickly, so it’s admittedly hard to keep track of them all.

I can't not love a family who employs a purple octopus as a butler.

I can’t not love a family who employs a purple octopus as a butler.

Trivia Time: In the book, Tallulah was Wilbur’s sister, not his cousin like in the movie.

Heck, I’ll just let Lewis himself count them off. Just don’t ask about the hat.

Got that? Good, ’cause I’m not gonna repeat it. Now more shenanigans:

And…

(Is it just me, or is Franny kind of hot? Aaaaaaaaanyway….)

I can’t be the only one who thinks that this would make a cool TV series. It’d basically be Futurama meets The Banana Splits. Sure, a few things would have to be tweaked here and there: there are too many extraneous Robinson relatives floating around; an easy solution to that would be to no longer have the extended relatives reside in the mansion, just have them come visit whenever a plot or a gag calls for them. Also, Lewis couldn’t be a regular on a hypothetical Meet the Robinsons series for obvious reasons (which I won’t spoil for those who haven’t seen the film), but I have a solution for that as well: to fill in the role of Wilbur’s best friend…

Just have the family adopt an alien kid. It's the future, after all.

Just have the family adopt an alien kid. It’s the future, after all.

I’d definitely watch a cartoon like this, as long as the fruit hat stays in the picture.

Fruit hats are just always funny.

Fruit hats are just naturally funny.

The Couch: The Universe of Colonel Bleep

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Today the Couch takes a look at a forgotten cartoon ‘classic’ from the late 1950’s, Colonel Bleep.

No, that's not a swear. Clean up your minds.

No, that’s not a swear. Clean up your minds.

First, I’ve got to give a shout-out to Greg Sepelak and Trent Troop of The Isle of Rangoon. I had only heard or read things about this show before they started riffing it on their web series. If you haven’t been watching The Isle of Rangoon, start doing so immediately.

For those who don’t know, Colonel Bleep was the first color cartoon ever made for television. It was created by Robert D. Buchanan, and was filmed by Soundac of Miami. (Some sources have Joseph Barbera with a hand in its creation as well, although his contribution was short-lived before he rejoined William Hanna to form Hanna-Barbera.) The show was originally syndicated in 1957 as a segment on Uncle Bill’s TV Club. 104 episodes, of varying length of between three and six minutes each, were produced. Of these episodes, slightly fewer than half are known to survive today.

The show took place on the fictitious Zero Zero Island, where Earth’s equator meets the Greenwich Meridian. (Zero degrees latitude and zero degrees longitude, get it?)  There, Colonel Bleep, a futuristic extraterrestrial life form from the planet Futura, protected Earth with the help of his two deputies. Representing the present day was Squeek (a mute cowboy puppet boy), and representing the past was Scratch, a caveman of great physical strength who was awakened from a sleep of several thousand years by the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, also the same event that triggered Colonel Bleep’s travels to earth. Colonel Bleep, like other Futurans, could manipulate “futomic energy” in a variety of ways; for instance, to propel himself through space (inexplicably, on a unicycle), or as an offensive weapon. The amount of futomic energy Colonel Bleep could absorb at any given time was finite, and in several episodes he runs out of energy and becomes vulnerable.

The trio’s usual nemesis was a dark and mysterious hooded figure called Dr. Destructo, who could typically be found in his flying saucer with only a visible torso. Other regular villains included The Black Knight and Black Patch the space pirate.

“So how come all the bad guys gotta be black?!”

Here’s the first episode:

-Now I know it’s all too easy to simply write Colonel Bleep off as hilariously dated 50’s camp, and yes, it’s science is way off (Scratch being asleep for merely thousands of years and having a pet dinosaur–Bill Nye would have a field day with this show), but while as a modern-day sophisticate (burp!) I can pick the show apart for being unintentionally hilarious–especially with the gregariously over-the-top narrator who sounds like he’s on the verge of busting a vein or how they offer absolutely no explanation as to how or why Squeak is alive (must’ve been radiation, that’s how everything happened in the 50’s), I find some elements of Colonel Bleep to be kind of fun and cool. Believe it or not.

In fact, recently I was thinking what a 21st century update of this show would be like. So now it’s time for your favorite game and mine: FLIP THAT SCRIPT!

To start with, I love the idea of the show’s 3 protagonists representing the past, present (as of the 1950’s anyway) and future, and I’d definitely keep that idea, I’d just make a few tweaks to it here and there. For our future hero, I’d make this character a starry-eyed space girl from a future world.

She's literally starry-eyed!

She’s literally starry-eyed!

The Colonel could manipulate “futomic energy”. Let’s make that a little more toyetic and appealing and call it “space magic”, similar to what Cupcake wielded on Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, a show which Jason chronicled in an earlier Retro Bin.

Jason already covered this, but we never did get an explanation of how this 25th century future chick was able to perform rainbow-beamed magic.

Jason already covered this, but we never did get an explanation of how this 25th century future chick was able to perform rainbow-beamed magic.

“Evolution, baby.”

For the character representing us, Team Present Day, let’s face it: the cowboy puppet thing is a little too 50’s. Let’s make that character a spunky,fun-loving kid. Hello, youth market.

We'll also make her a girl since boy protagonists are a dime a dozen. She could be an orphan so she won't have parents in our time worrying about her zipping through time and space. maybe she and Future Girl could be related, like her extremely distant cousin from a few dozen generations or something.

We’ll also make her a girl since boy protagonists are a dime a dozen. She could be an orphan so she won’t have parents in our time worrying about her zipping through time and space. maybe she and Future Girl could be related, like her extremely distant cousin from a few dozen generations or something.

Finally, let’s cast our past character. How about a wild-acting cave kid with a little sister personality?

Fang_Barbarian

Maybe the others found her during a time travel adventure and decided they wanted a pet.

While we're at it, let's give the cave girl a pet dinosaur for comic relief and to sell a few million more toys. I like a mother-%$#@in' T-Rex. How about you?

While we’re at it, let’s give the cave girl a pet dinosaur for comic relief and to sell a few million more toys. I like a mother-%$#@in’ T-Rex. How about you?

Future Girl and her 2 T.D.B.F.F.s (Time Displaced Best Friends Forever) fly and zip and zoom across the cosmos (with FG using her magical super-highly evolved flying powers–no unicycle, that’s just dorky–while the other 2 hold her hand for dear life), encountering wacky extraterrestrials…

“Nanu-Nanu!”

…Or just hanging out having cool fun in Futura, the World of Next Tuesday After Tomorrow.

Where the TVs broadcast in RHD (Ridiculously High Definition) and ice cream comes in 731 flavors--and counting.

Where the TVs broadcast in RHD (Ridiculously High Definition) and ice cream comes in 731 flavors–and counting.

Time for an apropos musical number. Kick it!

-The only thing I’d dial back on would be the battling evil robots and the like. Why?

“Fighting atomic robots is so 1957, man!”

Talkin’ Nerdy: That’s MY Line!

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Remember the Powerpuff Girls short “Schoolhouse Rocked”? That was the one where a truant officer named Mr. Wednesday (an obvious parody of Joe Friday from Dragnet voiced by Gregg Berger) shanghais the Gang Green Gang and places them in Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, the classroom of the Powerpuff Girls, and things go as well as you’d expect. At the end of the short, when Wednesday collects the beaten up Gang at the end of the day, Miss Keane beans Wednesday with a dodge ball, and tells the triumphant Girls that Mr. Wednesday has taught them all a valuable lesson. Bubbles says this:

POWERPUFF_GIRLS_DISC_2A-6

To which Miss Keane replies “No, never turn your back in a dodge ball game!” Cue end-of-episode cartoon laughter.

A funny short, but that line about education didn’t quite work for me. Not the line itself, but who delivered it. Why was Bubbles given that line? It was funny, but it was way too intellectual a thing for Bubbles to say. Blossom is the smart one, the academically advanced one; she should have said that. The writers only gave that line to Bubbles because Bubbles is the fan favorite character. I know this comes off as sour grapes because Blossom is my personal favorite Powerpuff Girl, but it’s not that (well, not entirely); the line just seemed out of character for Bubbles and it seemed like she only got the line due to her popularity with fans and nothing else.

I’ve seen this happen elsewhere: when then President George H.W. Bush gave his now infamous speech about how Americans needed to be “more like The Waltons and less like The Simpsons“, the Simpsons writers naturally responded to this in-episode; they showed the family watching the Bush speech on TV and had Bart say:

“Hey, we’re just like the Waltons. We’re praying for the end of the Depression too.”

Again, a good clever line, but once again it was too clever for a character like Bart to say. To me, that seemed like the perfect Lisa line. She’s the smart one. But Lisa could never crack wise, oh no no no. It’s gotta be Bart, ’cause he’s the one who was adorning T-shirts and bumper stickers all across America.

Yet another example of this occurred during Bugs Bunny’s 50th birthday. Warner Brothers came out with a commemorative magazine celebrating the occasion which featured other cartoon characters paying tribute to Bugs. One of Matt Groening’s contributions was a drawing of the Simpsons all holding up a banner reading “HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY, BUGS!” with Bart adding the pithy comment, “Do you know how much that is in bunny years?” Again, a clever quip, but again, too smart for Bart. I doubt realistically that Bart even knows how much that is in bunny years. That also seemed more appropriate for Lisa to say; even during the characters’ tenure in the Tracey Ullman Show shorts, when both characters were more or less equally bratty, it was always implied that Lisa was the smarter of the two; but by this time the nation was in the grips of Bart-Mania, so he got to say all the clever lines, whether they were suited for him or not.

I guess it’s true what they say:

“There’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’, but there’s 4 ‘i”s in ‘Obvious fan favorite is obvious’.