Tuning in to Cartoon Network and seeing things like this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or even this:
There was a time when watching CN was an immersive experience, a visual treat for the senses. Good times, man, good times.
“You’re the one who’s always criticizing people for being nostalgia-tards and being stuck in the past, unable to embrace the present, and now you’re making a nostalgia thread! You’re a hypocrite! A big fat hypocrite! Mr. Hypocrite Pants!!”
No, I assure you that what I’m saying is not simply laced in nostalgia. It’s not necessarily the shows and blocks themselves that I miss, but the fun and the passion that went into them, as well as the uniqueness and diversity of said shows and blocks. You just don’t see that on CN now. This is a trend that I’ve been noticing happening on CN for a while now. Somehow, it seems that the life, the vibrancy, the dazzle, the care and the passion that used to go into Cartoon Network’s bumps, their shows, their blocks, their overall presentation has dissipated over the years. Something happened along the way, and I think I know what that something is….
Now by now it’s common knowledge that I’m not a huge Adult Swim booster and I’m usually among the first to cast stones at it (no, that’s not a rock in my pocket, I promise!), but I think that there’s precedent here. As much as it pains me to say this….
“Turner Broadcasting doesn’t care about Cartoon Network!”
I know that sounds like a really spammy, trollish thing to say, but think about it. Now that Adult Swim has proven itself to be the most successful thing running on CN right now, all of its’ parent company’s praise and attention is now going into AS; CN right now is little more than an extended lead-in to Adult Swim. It would certainly explain why AS keeps getting more air space and why Cartoon Network’s current spectrum is so narrow. All of the current prime CN shows are, from my perspective, just ‘feeder’ shows for boys who will eventually transition into AS one day. I really feel like CN is no longer interested in being a general audience/ children’s network contender or competing with the likes of Nickelodeon, Disney Channel and The Hub anymore on the overall K2-11 spectrum, and are more content finding a very specific demo (boys 6-11/9-14) to target and then lure into AS – their big money maker. That’s basically all Turner talks about regarding CN in press releases. As a general animation/entertainment channel, Turner has basically given up on Cartoon Network. The only reason they don’t just make the entire channel AS is because they can’t air TV-MA shows during the day. Now things may change when new management comes in, but as it is now, Cartoon Network is little more than training ground for the junior dude-bros who will one day become Adult Swim’s audience.
On that note, I leave you with something equally disturbing:
Today’s Talkin’ Nerdy is a direct response to a recent video: the latest Vampire Review by Chez Apocalypse internet personality Maven of the Eventide (aka Elisa Hansen), The Monster Mash. (If you haven’t seen Maven’s video yet, check it out first; it’s really good. If you’ve already seen it, we can press on.)
Now, far be it for the likes of us to question the wit and wisdom of Maven; we’re big fans (BTW, Elisa, congratulations on your marriage to Paw Dugan of Music Movies and best of luck to you on your pregnancy, may both of you know nothing but happiness), but if you’ll indulge us, we have a tiny little nitpick or 2 with some of the opinions expressed in this video, and we’d like to submit a few of our own:
First, the matter of Beetlejuice not being a real monster. Really? You don’t think Beetlejuice counts as a real monster? Why not? We think the ‘B’ Guy fits the bill quite well. For one thing, he’s a ghost. For another, he has dark powers, he can perform black magic. For another, he’s scary; in the movie the guy worked as a bio-exorcist. If that’s not a monster, then I don’t know what is.
“I’m not a monster? My neighbors say different! Pfft!”
Anyways, Beetlejuice must be doing something right in pop-culture monster lore, since he’s got an imitator: anyone who doesn’t think that Flabber from Saban’s Big Bad Beetleborgs wasn’t at least partially inspired by Beetlejuice is a moron.
Elvis pompadour and Jay Leno chin aside, let’s examine the facts, shall we? Flabber is a manic “phasm” (as in phantasm) from the 7th Dimension who can do magic, is known for his schizophrenic transformations and basically acts as a landlord to a haunted house full of movie monsters. Sound familiar? I actually think the Beetlejuice archetype should become a trend in monsterdom: maybe if Casper could perform magic, he probably wouldn’t be such a wuss.
Casper: Jeepers. I don’t like black magic. the dark arts aren’t friendly!”
Hairy Scary: Kid, from now on I’m gonna start callin’ you ‘Vacuum Cleaner, ’cause you suck so @#$%in’ hard!
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Talking Point #2: why the Phantom of the Opera is so often passed over in Monster Mashes. I tend to think the Phantom gets the shaft so frequently is because when you get down to the bare bones of it all, the Phantom isn’t technically a monster. He’s just a disfigured human. He doesn’t come from any supernatural species or tradition, he has no powers, he’s just a REALLY passionate artist who got the Two-Face treatment and fled to the sewers beneath an opera house to noodle on the pipe organ. Of course, the Phantom has turned up in some Monster Mashes: he was one of the monsters emulated by the Backstreet Boys in their video for the song “Everybody”, and he has a knockoff character in the Monster High franchise, Operetta.
What is with the half-mask obsession? Artists!
But we’ll dig a little deeper (see what i did there?) into Monster High later.
Another character whom we personally don’t think qualifies as a real monster is the Invisible Man. Yes, I know that the Invisible Man has appeared in a number of movies and is often included in Monster Mashes, and sorry, but even as a kid, I’ve always thought that the Invisible Man was lame. He doesn’t have a centuries old lineage. He has no dark powers. He’s just a dude that no one can see. On top of that, he can’t make his clothes invisible, so his one trick only works if he’s starkers. The Invisible Man is just a guy who invented a serum that makes him invisible. How is that a monster? Sorry, Invisible Man, but I have to quote Tony Stark in The Avengers here:
“Everything that’s special about you came from a bottle!”
“But,” you say, “What about Mr. Hyde? He’s the result of of chemistry too!” Mr. Hyde is different. He counts as a monster. First, he’s scary; he’s a brutal fiend who murders people. Second, his alter ego, Dr. Jekyll, is a scientist; the Mad Scientist is a staple of horror movie lore. So yeah, if this guy counts as a monster….
…Then so does Mr. Hyde.
Also not a monster in our opinion: the Hunchback. Same principle as the Phantom of the Opera. Not a monster, just a human with a physical deformity.
“Clam up, dude! I gotta be considered a monster! How else am I gonna get invited to monster parties to score with hot vampire chicks??”
Earlier I mentioned Monster High, which features several monster and horror movie types, although it’s clear that they ran out of good or interesting monsters a while ago. Let’s examine some of their leftovers:
Rebecca Steam, a steam powered robot. No. Not a monster. Robots aren’t monsters. Robots are sci-fi, everybody knows that. If we’re going to start counting robots as monsters you might as well throw a space alien in there too. Aliens aren’t monsters either, but there have at least been classic horror movies about aliens. When was the last time you were watching your local horror movie show on your local UHF channel and saw Attack of the Steampunk Robot?
Jinafire Long, a Chinese dragon. OK, I’ll give you that one, although it’s generally only Western culture that treats dragons as monsters. In eastern culture, dragons are wise and benevolent beings revered as gods.
C.A. Cupid, the adoptive daughter of Eros. Again, not a monster. Greek gods aren’t monsters. Do a Mount Olympus High if you want to do the children of Greek gods. Obviously, Mattel realized this, and the character was subsequently transferred to Ever After High. Granted, Greek gods don’t count as fairy tale characters either, but she’s a better fit there than she was at Monster High.
-In the video, Maven states that the Phantom of the Opera is the most frequently overlooked monster in Monster Mashes. If you’re asking us, there’s another monster type that’s even more overlooked and frequently (and wrongfully, in our opinion) passed over…..
WITCHES.
Why are witches so frequently left out of Monster Mashes? Witches are awesome. They can do magic, they’re typically female (so there’s your gender balance right there) and they’re often dead sexy! So why do you see so few witches on Monster Mashes?
One reason could be because Universal Studios never made a classic horror movie about a witch. There wasn’t an Attack of the Witch, Revenge of the Witch, Night of the Witch, Return of the Witch, etc. Note I didn’t say that there haven’t been any famous literary, legendary or cinematic witches for anyone to use, because we know that not to be the case. A popular witch character in folklore is Baba Yaga, there was also the Wicked Witch of the West (but The Wizard of Oz was produced by MGM, so she couldn’t be a Universal Studios monster), and Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty (OK, Maleficent was technically a dark fairy, but she was along similar lines). But the evidence speaks for itself:
Hanna-Barbera’s Drak Pack had no witch.
HB’s Rick Moranis in Gravedale High had no witch, yet they had a Doozer (a Gorgon), Blanche (a zombie) and….whatever the heck J.P. Ghastley was.
Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School: no witch student.
The Monster Tails segments from Wake, Rattle and Roll: No witch, but they had Catula, Dracula’s cat, who could perform magic and transformations. And he wasn’t a witch’s cat because…?
No witch among the House Monsters on Big Bad Beetleborgs, but they did have Flabber, so the producers must have figured their magic user quotient was covered.
No witch in Mainframe’s Scary Godmother TV specials, though SG herself was a sort-of witch, or at least witch/fairy-esque.
No witches in Rankin-Bass’s Mad Monster Party or Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters.
Hotel Transylvania had no witch as a major named character, but there were witches as background characters, working as chambermaids.
No witch mascot for General Mills’ Monster cereals, although they have not 1, but 2 mascots for fruit cereals: Frute Brute (who’s evidently not the best speller in the world) and the Fruity Yummy Mummy.
No witches on the Monster Bash segments which aired between shows on the USA Cartoon Express.
No witch critters on Saban’s Monster Farm.
There aren’t even any witch girls in Monster High! (Though they do have a witch teacher.)
Getting back to Monster/Ever After High, they’ll probably never do this since she’s a main character on that franchise, but I personally think that Ever After High‘s character Raven Queen would be a good fit for Monster High. EAH instantly gets props just for featuring Baba Yaga as a character.
That is not to say that there haven’t been any witches at all in modern-day Monster Mashes:
The Groovie Ghoulies had a witch character, Hagatha.
The Mini-Monsters, one of the regular rotating segments from Rankin-Bass’s The Comic Strip, featured a witch, Jinx, as well as Melvin, the son of Merlin. Merlin’s not really a monster, but he is a powerful sorcerer, so we’ll give that a pass.
The “Boo Crew”, a promotional campaign that the Hershey company did for Halloween for about 2 years or so, had a witch among its’ members.
Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf had a pair of witches among its’ contestants: Witch Sisters Dreadonia and Repulsa (not Rita).
As previously stated, Monster High has no witch, but never to pass up an opportunity to jump on a passing trend, MGA tried to replicate the success of MH with their own doll line called Bratzillas, depicting the “cousins” of the Bratz, who were all witches, despite their group name being a spoof on Godzilla.
“Yeah, I don’t get it either.”
-One thing about Bratzillaz: each one had a particular magical power that they specialized in: Yasmina could see the future, Cloetta could change people into anything they wanted, Sashabella could command and communicate with animals, Jade could do love spells, and Meygana had the power to…fly? Um, can’t all witches basically fly, either by their own power or via broomsticks? Isn’t being a witch boasting that they have the power to fly kind of like a human boasting that they have the power to dial a phone?
And I’d be remiss to not mention the 1979 TV special, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t, in which a witch (played by Mariette Hartley) was not only featured as one of the major monsters, but was also integral to the plot.
Finally, honorable mention goes to the anime Rosario + Vampire, basically a mix of Monster High and a harem comedy, which featured a number of monster girls, among them Yukari Sendo, a bratty young witch.
Rosario + Vampire also sports the character of Mizore Shirayuki, a somewhat stalker-y snow fairy.
Snow fairy? Most likely that’s an archetype that’s more common to Eastern mythology than here, but I kind of wish we had that for a monster type. Mizore is easier on the eyes than Sasquatch.
“Whachu talkin’ ’bout? The ‘Squatch rocks the sexy an’ you know it!”
The Justice League movie. The Holy Grail for nerds. And like the Holy Grail, obtaining it has proven to be no easy task. While Marvel and Disney have been successfully kicking out the jams with their MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), releasing one decent superhero movie after another, all culminating in the spectacular blockbuster The Avengers, and then continuing with stellar solo movies afterward going into Phase 2, DC and Warner Brothers have been, shall we say, less successful. The Green Lantern movie bombed. The Jonah Hex movie bombed. The Wonder Woman movie has been stuck in development hell for years and Man of Steel, while not a box office failure, was a very polarizing movie which was utterly dark and joyless and left a bad taste in many fans’ mouths.
Part of the problem with making the JL movie a reality lies in the total lack of synergy between the companies which operate under the Time-Warner umbrella. Warner Brothers puts the “fun” in “corporate dysfunction”, it’s a giant conglomeration of people all with their hands in the cookie jar vying for big cookie with the giant morsels. The MCU is being helmed by Kevin Fiege, but who’s running the show for the DC movies and TV shows? Chris Nolan? Zack Snyder? Bruce Timm? Allen Smithee? Waldo? Who knows?Warner Bros. is a chaotic mess of executives who all want credit and where no one person is willing or able to be “The Man.” That has always been the studio’s fatal flaw, they’re ruled by committee and not an individual.
We all have our own theories as to what DC can do to step their game up: Regardless whether you think that WB/DC should opt to strike while the iron is hot or ignore the competition and take the “slow and steady wins the race” route, I think we can all agree that they need to formulate a strategy and do something, because right now they’re getting their collective asses kicked. Hard. It’s not pretty.
Personally, if it were me, I’d scrap this whole project and start fresh with a whole new beginning. Forget Green Lantern and Man of Steel ever happened and ignore the Nolan trilogy. For this purpose I present my personal plan for how to construct a DCCU (DC Cinematic Universe) and make the Justice League movie happen, or New Rules for DC Superhero Movies.
Reboot Superman again, but get it right this time. For Flip’s sake, let’s skip the origin story this time! By now everyone and their Aunt Gertrude knows where Superman came from, so there’s no need to do an entire movie built around his origin; at the most, retell it briefly in a flashback sequence. I’d have the movie begin some few months after Clark Kent has arrived in Metropolis and started his job at the Daily Planet. He’s already been wandering for some time prior to the start of the film, and has started garnering some media attention with his exploits as Superman. Do NOT make the movie as dark, somber and joyless as Man of Steel was; Superman is supposed to about hope, idealism and sci-fi fun, giving Supes the Batman treatment simply didn’t work. If you want to see an example of a “iconic, all-American good guy superhero trying to make his way through a modern, cynical and paranoid new world” movie done the way it should’ve been done, look no further than Captain America: The Winter Soldier. That movie was what Man of Steel should’ve been. Make Metropolis semi-futuristic and high-tech, and have it run and bank rolled by Lex Luthor, and you’ve got yourself a decent Supey flick and a good starting point for the DCCU.
Reboot Batman again, but this time set in the same universe as the new Superman movie. Tone down the grit, realism and darkness and make it less grounded and more fun. That’s the only way the movie can work in a shared universe. I know the thought of a lighter Batman makes some folks cringe, with nightmarish visions of Batman and Robin dancing the Batusi in their heads, but that’s not what I mean. I’m not talking Bat Credit Card goofiness, but rather tone down the dark and grim aspects of the Batman mythos and focus more directly on why it’s so cool to be Batman: how he’s got boo-billions of dollars to throw around, how he’s a playboy with hot ladies falling at his feet, how he’s got gadgets, gear and gizmos for every occasion, how he gets to lay the smack down on weirdo costumed villains, etc. I’m thinking a slightly edgier Iron Man in black.
Do a Wonder Woman movie at long last, again set in the same universe. Focus on the mythological aspects of WW’s origins crossed with some patriotic idealism, reflecting the character’s status as an ambassador to Earth. Have some tensions begin to rise in “Man’s World”, and Diana takes notice and wants to help, but her mother Hippolyta doesn’t want her interfering. She does of course, and gets mixed up with the US Air Force, introducing Steve Trevor, Etta Candy, et al. It could turn out that someone like Ares or Circe is secretly manipulating events for some diabolical purpose. I’m thinking a mix of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger.
Reboot Green Lantern and maybe make a Flash movie, again set in the same shared universe as the other movies. The reason I say “maybe” to a Flash movie is because he’s already got a TV show coming up for the CW, so WB may not want to have too many solo movies preceding Justice League. At the most, some of the movie’s events could be reflected and/or alluded to in the Flash series. Also, I’d probably make the GL of this film John Stewart rather than Hal Jordan, so there’d be a non-Caucasian face on the team.
Throughout all of this, the linkman connecting all of these movies could be J’onn J’onzz, aka the Martian Manhunter. MM first turns up in the Superman movie as a detective named ‘John Jones’ who has been investigating Superman since he showed up in Kansas. ‘John’ meets Clark and befriends him, but doesn’t reveal to him that he’s a Martian…yet. ‘John’ also turns up in the Batman movie, and at the end of that film, he shapeshifts into his green alien form. Dun-dun-dunn!
Make a World’s Finest team-up movie starring Superman and Batman, or a Trinity movie featuring Supes, Bats and Wondy meeting one another and joining forces to tackle some big threat, like say, the White Martians, which could lead to the Big Three meeting ‘John Jones’ together and he’d finally reveal to them all his true identity of J’onn J’onzz and inform them that something big and bad is coming. This would lead to…
The long-awaited Justice League movie, which would bring Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Flash, organized by J’onn (why no Green Arrow? I think 7 main heroes–yes, I said 7, more on that later–is enough, and the team doesn’t need 2 rich guys with toys right now. Plus, moviegoers hot off the MCU films not familiar with the DC Comics would just see Ollie Queen as a Hawkeye ripoff, so we can save him for a sequel) to combat said big bad. Speaking of, I can’t over-stress this: DO NOT, under any circumstances, make the villain of the movie Darkseid! Using Darkseid in the first JL movie is a great idea, if you don’t plan on making any sequels. If the plan is to stretch this franchise out to say, 3 movies, you can’t begin with the biggest bad guy in the DC Universe. Save Darkseid for movie 3, and make the villain of the first movie someone like Luthor or Brainiac or Gorilla Grodd or Starro the Conqueror. Personally I’d go with Starro, so we could introduce Aquaman in the movie (Starro starts out making trouble in Atlantis, where Aquaman fights him and maybe gets possessed and controlled by him for a time in the film, where he and his army takes on the League until they free him and he joins the other heroes to defeat Starro), possibly leading to an Aquaman solo movie afterwards, along with solo sequels for the other heroes.
There. I’m not saying my way is perfect, but I think it’s pretty good for something I just whipped together today. And I’m just a snarky, wise-ass blogger. I challenge Warner Brothers and DC to come up with a better strategy.
NOTE: you must be over 40 years old or a classic TV buff to know what the flaming heck we’re taking about here.
The character on the left is Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. He’s the Cosby Kid known for being as smart as a bag of rocks and wearing a ski cap over his head, presumably hiding a horrible disfigurement or premature baldness, or maybe just the total absence of a face altogether.
The character on the right is Mushmouth, also from Fat Albert. His chief claim to fame is that he spoke in a hee-larious (in the days preceding Political Correctness) speech impediment, putting “buh”s after each syllable.
“Pretty different, really. Not really the same thing at all, is it?? IS IT?!?
You’d be surprised, actually. Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, which ran on CBS on Saturday mornings from September 9, 1972 to September 1, 1984 and then in syndication until August of 1985, was a wildly popular show among the Generation X crowd; the cartoon was so popular, in fact, that according to Tim and Greg Burke’s book Saturday Morning Fever (if you don’t own this book, you should; it’s a great read) a fan at one time wrote and performed his own twisted episodes of the show for his college drama group, boasting such titles as “It’s Not Cool to Mess with Satanic Ritual” and “Weird Harold Gets AIDS”.
Yet somehow, many of our collective wires have gotten crossed over the years. For some reason, fans of the show frequently tend to remember the character of Dumb Donald as Mushmouth, like they’ll spot your bitchin’ Dumb Donald tramp stamp and then start talking like Mushmouth, for example. It’s like how many folks who remember Charles Schulz’s Peanuts seem to confuse the character of Schroeder for Linus, possibly since both characters wore shirts with horizontal stripes on them and both characters spent a lot of time with Lucy, though in the case of both characters, it wasn’t by choice.
Schroeder: Blond hair. Plays the piano. Digs Beethoven.
Linus: stringy hair. Addicted to security blanket.
Know the difference.
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Getting back to Dumb Donald and Mushmouth, there have 3 notable examples in popular media where these 2 characters have been confused for one another:
On an episode of Saturday Night Live hosted by Susan Dey, then riding high on her role on L.A. Law, not surprisingly, there were numerous jokes and allusions to the show where Dey got her start, The Partridge Family, throughout the broadcast, culminating in a sketch in which she reprised her role of Laurie Partridge to partake in a battle of the bands with the Brady Kids, led by Jan (played of course by then cast member Melanie Hustell, famous for her dead-on Jan Brady impression). In the sketch, the battle got quite heated, with the characters throwing barbs at one another (Bradys: “Go cryin’ to Mama! You guys don’t have a Daddy!”, Partridges: “Well, you’re all half-adopted! What’s really going on over there??”), until things were broken up by then cast member Chris Rock, who rushed on stage wearing a Dumb Donald costume, hat and all, but speaks like Mushmouth: “At-buh least-buh you can talk-buh plain-buh!” Dana Carvey (as Keith Partridge) even acknowledges Chris’ character as “Mushmouth from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids“. Shame on you, SNL writers, you call yourself children of 70’s TV, and somehow that blunder made it to the air? No one put on the brakes?? Thankfully, the show made up for that faux pas a few seasons later in a later episode hosted by Bill Paxton, which featured a VH-1 Behind the Music parody of the gang’s Junkyard Band; here in separate vignettes, then cast member Tim Meadows played both Donald and Mushmouth, and this time they got the names and costumes correct. (Granted, Dumb Donald was depicted as having a drug-induced meltdown while wielding a pistol in a seedy hotel, and Mushmouth had served a dime in prison where he converted to Islam and changed his name to ‘Mustafa Mushmouth’ after discovering “A-buh-llah” in the joint, but hey, at least they got the characters’ identities right this time.)
In the South Park episode “Treehouses”, there’s a running gag of the character Stan watching a spoof of Fat Albert called Fat Abbot. Abbot, of course, is foul-mouthed, ill-tempered and violent, prone to telling people off and threatening to bust a cap in their asses, once even threatening to blow Rudy the Rich Kid away after Rudy questions his accusing him of being “like school in summertime”, a popular Fat Albert crack meaning you have “no class”. He is backed up by a Dumb Donald lookalike character, who again speaks like Mushmouth: “I’ll-buh pop-buh a cap-buh in yo’ ass-buh too-buh. Bitch-buh.”
In an episode of NBC’s NewsRadio, there was sub-plot in which quirky secretary Beth (played by Vicki Lewis) was attempting to make some cash on the side by designing and selling her own line of Dumb Donald hats. A running gag in the episode was that everyone who saw the hats would call them “Mushmouth hats” and Beth would have to correct them. “It’s a Dumb Donald hat!”
To add insult to infamy, for a while during the last years of the USA Network’s airing cartoons during the day, for a time Fat Albert ran on USA just after the USA Cartoon Express (I’m guessing the reason Fat Albert was never actually part of the Cartoon Express was because it had pro-social values and an edutainment factor, so USA didn’t want to lump it in with their other shows, either that or the Cos paid them big time to give his show special treatment), and in one promo for the show, a voice-over speaking in a less-than-stellar Bill Cosby impersonation referred to Dumb Donald as ‘Weird Harold’.
They’re twins. By this time I don’t think I need to explain why we like twins so much on this blog.
They both have cool super powers: super-speed (Pietro/Quicksilver) and probability manipulation (Wanda/Scarlet Witch). Kudos go to any superhero who manages to possess decent powers that aren’t punchy powers or the Superman pack.
They’re mutants. We freaks have to look out for one another.
They’re the offspring of one of the biggest, baddest mutants on the planet.
Their nursemaid was a humanoid cow. I kid you not.
They’re both going to appear in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Now that’s movie cred!
Quicksilver is set to appear in X-Men: Days of Future Past, one of the few things about that film which I’m generally excited about.
Scarlet Witch was trained by Agatha Harkness, a bona fide witch. Witches are naturally cool.
Wanda rocks that hot Goth chick look.
Quicksilver can run at supersonic speeds of up to Mach 10 and resist the effects of friction, reduced oxygen, and kinetic impact while moving at super-speeds. Dude can’t drive 55.
Pietro can create cyclone-strength winds; run up walls and cross bodies of water. Jealous, Sonic?
Dude was once involved with Crystal of the Inhumans. Have you ever made it with an Inhuman?
Scarlet Witch briefly got to use the New Age-y battle cry, “Winds of destiny…change!”
Scarlet Witch was once involved with an android. You don’t get too much more nerd culture than that.
Wanda once short-circuited Ultron with her powers, whereas Windows ME would just crash on its’ own.
Scarlet Witch was a member of the Super Hero Squad, where she was voiced by the legendary Tara Strong.
On Super Hero Squad, Quicksilver was voiced by Scott Menville, who also voiced Robin on Teen Titans; we’ve already covered why Robin is awesome.
Wanda can use her hex powers to light flammable objects, contain or remove air from a particular volume, deflect objects, stop the momentum of projectiles, open doors, explode objects, create force fields and deflect magical attacks, etc. Not to mention slice, dice and make Julian fries.
The Ultimate version of Wanda has “do the math” in order to use her powers — she must calculate the mathematical probability that the effect she intends to create will actually happen, with the more unlikely the effect, the more complex the mathematical formula. We like sexy math nerds.
Twin Images 
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