Author silverstar

New Boomerang Hopes and Predictions: Addendum

silverstar 3 Comments

This is an update to New Boomerang Hopes and Predictions.

We’ve recently received some new info on all this. For one thing, according to Nickandmore, the Boomerang re-brand, which was presumed to be happening at the end of March, will not be happening until the 4th quarter of 2014, i.e., late fall.

“Imagine my delight.”
Also, the new Boomerang will target younger audiences, girls and families, unlike the boy-skewing Cartoon Network. (At least we now have some idea as to what sort of programming we can expect on the new Boom.) Of course all of this is supplemented by the news that Stuart Snyder will be stepping down as President of Cartoon Network at the end of this month.
Now, while I’m tempted to react this way upon hearing this latter announcement……
…We have to look at things realistically. There are 3 things we must consider:
  1. While it’s true that Snyder was largely responsible for pushing live-action onto CN, as well as its’ current unabashed skewing towards boys and “goofy boy” comedies to the exclusion of just about everything else and Adult Swim’s continued engulfing on Toon’s schedule, the man did some good things for CN. he greenlit Adventure Time (not a fan of it myself, but I know people are) and Regular Show (which I am a fan of), and he did help pull CN slightly out of the hole it had dug itself into from around 2004 through 2007. That said, it always felt like it was 1 step forward, 3 steps back with this guy, so I’d be lying if I said that part of me isn’t kind of glad that he’s going, but….
  2. Just because Snyder’s departing doesn’t mean that things are going to change dramatically at Cartoon Network, nor does it mean that a new Golden Age for CN is on the horizon. Stu may be going, but Rob Sorcher and others will still be around, and the Nickandmore article clearly states that CN will not be abandoning its’ current boy-skewing ways. I hate to be ants at the picnic, but Cartoon Network is definitely not going to go back to being the way it was 13 years ago, with a wide and diverse range of new shows with that same level of quality, creativity and imagination, still aiming for creating the fun, must-watch atmosphere of the past but with the shows of today. Trying to recreate the atmosphere from back in the day by producing and using a variety of new comedic and action shows from countless sources as well as creating visually entertaining bumpers of all sorts would be progress, but CN doesn’t seem to be down with that. More’s the pity.
  3.  Given that Cartoon Network will experience a regime change soon, any future plans for both Boomerang and Cartoon Network could likely be re-evaluated by the new management. The Boomerang re-brand isn’t supposed to happen until late fall, and Snyder’s replacement hasn’t been named yet, so management could be shaken up in any number of ways until then, but unless plans change, it would seem that CN will basically continue as it has been. That being the case, I hope the plans for Boom don’t change, as I’ll likely be watching that more than Cartoon Network, depending on their schedule.

Player Two Start!: The Wit an’ Wisdom o’ Rufus

silverstar Leave a comment

We here at Twinsanity like to spotlight the obscure, less celebrated and just plain odd, so take one such character: Rufus from the Street Fighter franchise…please.

Rufus

“Butt-whoop. It’s what’s for dinner!”

For those who don’t know, Rufus is an obese American Kung-Fu fighter in the Street Fighter series who made his first appearance in Street Fighter IV.
Rufus is a loudmouthed master of Kung-Fu, hailing from the U.S. Believing himself to be the strongest in America, he develops a personal hatred for Ken Masters, who carries that title officially. Often seen riding his motorcycle with his girlfriend, Candy (an attractive but not very bright brunette woman with a notably tacky way of dress), who seems to adore him and agree with his beliefs. He is very hasty and impatient, constantly jumping to conclusions to reach a goal, which often results in him sacrificing accuracy for speed.
Rufus is prone to loud-mouthed rambling, often spouting off at the mouth continuously until someone cuts him off. Said ramblings are usually about trivial things he notices about the characters, doting over Candy, giving random anecdotes, or mistaking several members of the cast for Ken Masters (including Cammy, Guile and Ryu).He’s also prone to saying whatever random thoughts come to his mind, regardless of how rude, irrelevant or just plain stupid they are. In fact, his win-quotes are so long they’re normally impossible to read beginning to end before the results screen is gone. So for the benefit of those players who never quite get to read them all, assembled here are all of Rufus’ various SF4 win quotes and general deep musings and words o wisdom:
Win Quotes
  • When I was a kid, I used to go to the movies all the time. I totally dug all the kung-fu action flicks. I mean, I was practically obsessed! So I started taking all these martial arts correspondence courses. Then, I rode my hog all around China, picking up skills!
  • So I’m, like, a legend in the biker world. Or more like a god. But I ain’t satisfied with that status. This time, I wanna be a god in the fighting world, ya know? Like, on a worldwide basis! People tell me I should be satisfied with “best in America,” but…
  • The way I see it, bein’ a biker is, like, a total lifestyle choice. I mean, you pick a bike and you customize it and all that. It’s a real commitment, ya know? And the best part is, you can go pretty much anywhere on a bike. Everywhere but the ocean, that is.
  • I don’t actually remember the dude’s name, but there was this one guy, and he was, like, the greatest fighter in the USA or whatever. So, I don’t actually know much about him or whatever, but I’m pretty sure I could take him in a fight ‘cuz I’m one tough cookie!
  • I’ve got a great body, don’t I? My girlfriend is all, like, “It bounces around like a waterbed!” She’s a real freaky chick, man. But don’t get me wrong, OK? I spend plenty of time with my dude friend, too. I mean, bros before hos, right? Am I right? So, anyway…
  • I consider myself to be a pretty modest guy, really. People don’t always see me that way, but that’s totally who I am. Like, I’m not necessarily the greatest fighter out there yet, but I don’t let it get to me, ya know? I mean, there’s a lotta dudes out there…
  • So, I’m totally dating this chick named Candy, right? And, lemme tell ya, man, she’s just about as sweet as candy, too! Know what I’m sayin’? The name suits her well, man. At first, I was, like, “Is this some kinda stripper stage name, or what?” Guess I was wrong…
  • So, you’ve got a significant other, or what? I do! And she’s, like, totally hot, man! Just smokin’! I mean, we fight once in a while just like any couple, but it’s all good. She sure is aggressive, though. One time, she totally started throwin’ stuff around, man!
  • Anyway, things are gettin’ pretty serious with me and Candy, right? Like, she totally talks about gettin’ married and whatnot. I’m cool with all that an’ all, but I’m not so big on fancy ceremonies and stuff, right? I mean, it’s not like I stockpile tuxedos or…
  • My old lady, Candy? She’s not just about good looks, man. No way. She’s got an awesome personality, too. The two of us are, like, the world’s most perfect couple, ya know? We both suck at math, so we can borrow each other’s hands if we have to count past 10.
  • I’ve got this rad pool back at my pad, and not one of these kidney-shaped thingamabobs, no way! Mine is, like, totally original and just oozing with style and class! Check this out, man… It’s shaped like a freakin’ dollar bill! Is that the greatest? Isn’t it?
Win Quote vs. Abel
Now you know how it feels to lose, Ken Masters! What’s that? You say I got the wrong guy? No way, man! I ain’t stupid! You got the blonde hair, the gloves… Maybe you changed your pants or whatever, but still! I know Ken Masters when I see him! Yeah!
Win Quote vs. Akuma
Phew! That was tough! I kinda knew just lookin’ at you, man, that you ain’t no pushover. I was like “This dude means business, Rufus! Watch out!” And you totally proved me right, ya know? I’ll hand it to you, you’re pretty tough. But I came through in the end!
Win Quote vs. Balrog
So, my friend’s got this sweet lowrider, right? It’s pretty cool an’ all, but I think if I ever bought a car, I’d go for a luxury sedan or somethin’, ya know? Pleather seats, drink holders, all that classy stuff! ‘Cuz I’m a classy guy, right? Anyway, I…
Win Quote vs. Bison
Y’know, ever since I was a kid, I’ve always wondered what I’d do with super-powers. ‘Course, if you think about it, do you really need ’em? Like, we ordinary folks seem to get along fine without ’em. I guess if you forgot your keys and had to break down a door…
Win Quote vs. Blanka
My old lady, she wants to get a cat, but I’m like “No way, babe!” I mean, those things just meow and meow all day, ya know? How you s’posed to get to sleep with all that racket? Cats are cute an’ all, but I gotta be able to hear myself think! So…
Win Quote vs. Cammy
I finally beat you, Ken Masters! What? You’re not Ken Masters? Sure you are! Just one look at that blonde hair of yours and I knew it was you. ‘Course, you look a lot bigger on TV. What are you wearin’? Some kinda reverse elevator shoes or somethin’? Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Chun Li
You sure got some ham hocks on you, lady! But it’ll take more than mad cankles to defeat the mighty Rufus, though, do ya? I mean, you’re fast and move all graceful an’ stuff, but you’ve gotta have skills to get along with all that. And skills are my speciality! Ha ha!
Win Quote vs. Crimson Viper
So, I was gettin’ outta bed the other day an’ the whole thing broke on me! You know those wooden slot thingies under the mattress? It was all like “Crack!” An’ that’s all she wrote! What’re they made out of? Toothpicks! That’s the third one I broke! Geez…
Win Quote vs. Dan
Take that, Ken Masters! Huh? You say you ain’t him? You can’t fool me, man! I mean, you got the whole karate outfit an’ gloves and crap, right? Maybe you dyed your hair or whatever, but I know it’s you! ‘Course, you are weaker than I woulda thought…
Win Quote vs. Dhalsim
Nothin’ tastes better than a sandwich with chunky peanut butter and gobs an’ gobs of grape jelly, ya know? But lately, I’ve been puttin’ bananas in there. That’s right. Bananas! Crazy, right? I could see why you’d think so, but it tastes awesome! Try it!
Win Quote vs. El Fuerte
Dude, I can hardly tell what you’re talkin’ about! You don’t sound like a fighter at all, man. What’s that? You’re a chef? That’s pretty cool, I guess. Maybe you were all like, “What should I cook for dinner an’ stuff?” and couldn’t concentrate on the fight, huh?
Win Quote vs. Fei Long
So many dudes nowadays are all talk, no action, y’know? I mean, you can do all the fancy moves an’ whatnot on the big screen, but once I get ya in the ring, you’re all like, “Oh no! I’m all powerless an’ stuff!” Yeah, I got your number, dude. I got ya pegged!
Win Quote vs. Gen
Do you have a will all set up an’ whatnot? You probably should get that taken care of, man. If not, you will have all these weird third cousins an’ stuff just crawlin’ outta the woodwork beggin’ for scraps! That ain’t no way to treat your legacy, man. Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Gouken
So why don’t guys like you wear shoes, anyway? Like, is it some kind of rule or somethin’? Or do you just have really bad corns and shoes would make it worse? I had this corn once, man. It was the size of a freakin’ jellybean! An’ what if you stepped in dog doo?
Win Quote vs. Guile
Did you enjoy your beating, Ken Masters? Huh? I got the wrong guy? Don’t play me for a fool, man! Look at that blonde hair! How could you not be Ken Masters? You can’t fool me just by changin’ your hairstyle, dude! I’m no dummy, pal! I can see right through you!
Win Quote vs. Honda
I hear that you sumo dudes eat nothing but sushi and stew and tofu and stuff, like, 24 hours a day, man. There’s this sushi place near my house, but there’s all these rumors goin’ around that they serve spoiled fish! One bite, an’ you’ll be on the toilet all day!
Win Quote vs. Ken
Now you know what it feels like to lose, Ken Masters! I bet you totally thought you could run from me, but I proved you wrong an’ then some, didn’t I? Oh yeah! You never thought I’d find you, but I did! And I gave it to you good! Were you even fightin’ for real?
Win Quote vs. Rose
I’ll never forget when I first met my girl. It was a rainy day in October and I was on my way home from a fight. Suddenly, this chick came outta nowhere an’ was all like “Help!” I guess she pulled a dine an’ dash, so I beat up the waiter that was chasin’ her!
Win Quote vs. Ryu
So you’re Ken Masters, huh? What? You’re not? Are you sure, man? You sure look like him in that outfit. I mean, you’ve got the gloves and all that, I guess maybe you coulda dyed your hair or something. But that’s not enough to fool me, Ken! I’m on to you! You hear me?
Win Quote vs. Sagat
Y’know, I think the way a dude wears his hair tells you a lot about his personality, right? Like, I took forever an’ a day to finally decide on my look. It’s not a decision you can take lightly, man. I put a lot of thought into this. I spent years plannin’ it!
Win Quote vs. Sakura
You could totally use a makeover, girl. What’re you doin’ wearin’ your school uniform, anyway? Are you so poor you couldn’t afford a cool ensemble like the one I’m wearin’? You won’t get far in the fighting world in an outfit like that! What you need to do is…
Win Quote vs. Seth
What a crazy fight. Never expected to run into a weird dude like you, man. What with that weird basketball thing stuck in your belly an’ all. How do you eat, anyway? Do you just spoon stuff right into that ball? What’s it like bein’ a robot thing? Is it fun?
Win Quote vs. Vega
So, I finally found you, Ken Masters! How does it feel to lose to me, Masters? Are you filled with regret? Rage? How about rue? I bet you’re filled to the brim with rue, ain’t ya? What? You’re not Ken Masters? C’mon, man! It’ll take more than a mask to fool me!
Win Quote vs. Zangief
Now that’s what I like to see! You an’ me, we think alike, ya know? I mean, all these skinny dudes runnin’ around like they’re so cool, but you an’ me, we know that only wimps and losers are skinny, right? No one likes a guy that looks like a skeleton! Seriously…
 ******************************************
Well! Now that we’ve all got a gander of the gems of this guy’s mind, I think I speak for all Street Fighter players, fans and combatants alike when I say……

New Boomerang Hopes and Predictions

silverstar 4 Comments

As some of you may or may not know, the digital tier bonus channel Boomerang will be receiving a makeover this year.

“Boomerang, voted the most beloved network by parents in the 2013 Harris Poll, will be programmed and marketed globally to present a line-up of classic and contemporary cartoons for consistent programming appeal to family co-viewing across all of its 13 international feeds.”

Basically, this means that Boomerang will be transformed from an ad-free bonus tier channel which shows only Cartoon Network’s leftovers into an ad-supported kids and family channel akin to Hub Network. No official date has been cited as to when this re-branding will occur, but it’s most likely to happen on, by or around March 31st, since this is also the date that Boomerang Latin America will change its’ format and roster as well as the date when Cartoon Network US will lose its’ 8 PM-9PM prime time hour to Adult Swim (which I’ve already squawked about in Night of the Living Snyder). Coincidentally, or perhaps not so coincidentally, April 1st is also Boomerang’s 14th anniversary. (Wait, April 1st? I hope it doesn’t turn out that this is all an elaborate prank and we’re not all just getting punk’d.) UPDATE: It’s recently been announced that the re-brand will occur sometime during the 4th quarter of 2014, not in March or April. Dang. Upfronts are typically released during the last of week of March, so we’ll know for certain what to expect then, but in the meantime…..

Here’s a brief run-through of what this will or could mean for Joe TV Viewer, as well as what I and other fans would like to see happen on this new Boomerang.

1. NEW LOGO

As stated in the article, Boomerang US will be syncing up its’ look to coincide with the channel’s other international feeds, so in all likelihood this means that Da Boom will be switching from this logo….

…to this logo:
 Boomerang-Ribbon-Logo
I also wouldn’t mind if they went with this spiffy little number:
But I’m thinking it’ll most likely be the ‘ribbon’ logo, since that’s the one the international Boomerangs are using right now.
2. BUMPS & IDENTS
A natural after-effect of a re-brand is a new look, which means new bumps and wraparounds. Since as previously stated, Boom US’s bumps will most likely fall in line with the international Boom feeds, so I’m guessing we could get bumps like these French bumps from 2011:
Or these from the UK:

Now some folks on Toon Zone have complained that these bumps (especially the UK ones) are “too childish” and don’t accurately reflect the “classic” feel of the Boomerang channel the way the current toy bumps do. To that I have 2 things to say: One, keep in mind that Boomerang isn’t going to be just a classic cartoon channel anymore (but more on that later) and Two, so what? We’ve been subjected to those same old toy bumpers for 4 years straight without an iota of a change; at this point I’ll take ANYTHING besides those smegging toy bumps. A tap-dancing test pattern would be preferable to just getting more toy bumpers. A fellow poster suggested that Da Boom just re-use some of Cartoon Network’s old idents, like from the Powerhouse and City Era; now I’m definitely against that idea. The ‘childish’ nature of those above bumps doesn’t bother me personally, since they’re for a family network. They’re innocuous, but harmless, and I’d still rather get these wraparounds as opposed to Boom just getting Cartoon Network’s hand-me-downs. Just re-using old CN promos would make it look like the people in charge really don’t care about this channel, and that Boomerang would have no identity of its’ own and couldn’t stand on its’ own merits.

To me, the toy bumpers represent a bygone era of stagnancy that’s (hopefully) finally coming to a close.

3. PROGRAMMING

Now, if you watched the entirety of the Boom UK bumps, you undoubtedly noticed that several of the shows advertised there weren’t exactly ‘classic’. Keep in mind that the re-branded Boomerang is said to “present a line-up of classic and contemporary cartoons”. Emphasis on “and contemporary”. Basically this means that Boomerang will no longer be a strictly nostalgia channel. I realize this doesn’t sit well with several viewers; there are some who don’t want to see Boomerang go beyond airing former CN shows from the 1992-2004 era, and there are even some who think that Boom airing the likes of Cartoon-Cartoons such as Johnny Bravo and Powerpuff Girls is too much, and that they should “go back to their roots” and only air theatrical cartoons from the 40’s and Hanna-Barbera cartoons from the 60’s.

“Change? Progress?? FLOBBEDY-FLEE!”
To those folks, I can’t put it any better than my brother Jason (Goldstar) did:
Sorry, but I can guarantee that won’t happen. Keeping the channel stuck in 1 era only would be neither realistic nor economically feasible. Boomerang airing nothing but Looney Tunes and MGM shorts and 60’s HB cartoons would basically be signing the channel’s own death warrant. The audience for 40s-60s nostalgia is far too narrow a market for a channel devoted solely to it to work anymore, and finding sponsors who’d be willing to advertise on an all old-school channel would be harder than Chinese arithmetic. Said channel would die faster than Nick GAS or Planet Green and be remade as a general entertainment channel in less than 2 years. I hope that there’ll still be a place for old-school toons on Boomerang, but in order for Boomerang to evolve and succeed, new and original content is necessary.
 
Also, the Cartoon-Cartoons are part of Cartoon Network’s roots. Those were among the 1st original animated series to air on CN. They’re as integral to the network’s history as those old shorts were. Plus, the Cartoon-Cartoons are over 20 years old now and are therefore old enough to remembered nostalgically by many people.

4. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE CLASSICS?

 

“WILL ENTERTAIN FOR ROOM & BOARD”

With the advent of newer shows and acquisitions, this inevitably means that the classics will have to give way to the newer shows. I just hope that this means the classics will be thrust off the network entirely. Hopefully, the classics can stay a part of Boomerang’s lineup, even if it’s only during non-peak viewing hours.

“Dang, I hope I won’t have to move. I finally done got my space in this here vast video wasteland Fueng-Shui-ed the way I likes it!”

5. BLOCKS AND ACQUISITIONS

Now that Boomerang will be ad-supported, that means the Powers That Be will have some more cash to throw around, and that means they’ll be able to spend more on 3rd party acquisitions and even–gasp!–original programming. We all have our personal choices as to which orphan shows we hope Boomerang will adopt (I’d personally like to see Super Friends come back, and maybe Freakazoid! or Beetlejuice be added, and maybe get some Tara Duncan, Bananaman, The Why Why Family, Oban Star Racers, Code LYOKO, Arthur and the Square Knights of the Round Table and the like in there as well, but that’s just me), but which shows actually end up coming to Da Boom remain to be seen. This will also hopefully mean that there will be programming blocks, so Boom’s schedule won’t seem so random anymore. A fellow TZ-er suggested a classic Toonami block; such a thing would really depend on which audience they’re aiming for and which shows they can/could acquire for it. Most of the shows which aired on Toonami were licensed 3rd party acquisitions, meaning that Cartoon Network had to pay licensees’ fees for the rights to air the shows which aired on the block, and Turner has since let the broadcasting rights to most of Toonami’s signature shows expire, so Boom can’t have a Toonami that runs every show that used to air on Cartoon Network’s Toonami, because CN has since lost the broadcasting rights to most of those shows or their US ditributors have since expired or they’re languishing in Licensing Hell. There’s also the matter of which viewership the channel is trying to attract; I don’t see Turner re-acquiring the likes of Yu Yu Hakusho for a channel that’s supposed to be aimed at families, in fact, shounen in general seems like a leap. Turner/CN just doesn’t seem to have any interest in acquiring non toy-based anime outside of Toonami, which is firmly lodged in Adult Swim territory. I don’t doubt we’ll get something action-oriented on this channel, but I don’t know about a return of classic Toonami. Maybe a souped-up Boomeraction could happen, featuring the likes of Swat Kats, Teen Titans, Samurai Jack, The Secret Saturdays, Sym-Bionic Titan and maybe some of the WB DC comics shows like Batman: TAS, Superman: TAS and Batman Beyond, since those shows have recently vacated The Hub. That’s about as close to Toonami as I see Boomerang getting.

A fellow poster at TZ, CartoonRuler, had a pretty good suggestion:

“Since Freakazoid! was popular more with adults, it would be a good idea if Boom got its hands on it, it would air around 11PM or so in a block along with the likes of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, ToonHeads, Cartoon Planet, Time Squad, uncut Looney Tunes, etc. Sorta like an Adult Swim lite, but way less edgier. 

In fact, I would like it if the new revamp Boomerang’s schedule would be like how Teletoon did it in its early days: preschoolers in the early morning, big kids in the afternoon, families in the evening and adults in the late night.”

-Now I think that’s a neat idea. I’ve been saying that there should be a lighter, less stoner-y version of Adult Swim for years now. I’d watch a block like that, wouldn’t you? I really hope the Powers That Be go with an idea like this.

ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING, AND LIVE-ACTION?

Yes, it’s a safe bet that the revamped Boomerang will feature some original programming.

Now, I can understand why some people are resistant to the notion of Boomerang airing new shows, but If Boomerang is going to survive as a commercial network and a ratings earner, it needs new shows. Advertisers aren’t interested in running spots on a channel which doesn’t show anything new. Audiences’ attention spans are fleeting, and nostalgia alone loses its’ appeal after a while. The channel either rebrands, or it continues running the same treadmill it’s been running on for over a decade, looping the same 10-20 episodes of the same 4-5 shows with the same old toy bumps sandwiched between them.

As long as the Boomerang classics still have a place on the channel and they’re not just tossed into the vaults to collect dust, then I’m fine with newer content on Da Boom, as long as said programming isn’t going to just be a rehash of what’s airing on Cartoon Network right now, and that includes live-action shows. Yes, I said I’d be OK with live-action shows airing on Boomerang, as long as they’re not just the same melange of “dumb boy comedies” that are on CN. Maybe here shows like Tower Prep and Unnatural History can finally be given the chance that they never got on CN under Stuart Snyder’s regime (CN’s top brass ordered TP and UH axed because they were gaining sizable amounts of female viewers, and the current CN is only interested in targeting boys), and live-action shows are fine as long as they represent the cartoony nature of Boom’s genre, like The Banana Splits, The Skatebirds or Korg: 70,000 B..C., or even live-action acquisitions like the Adam West Batman series or Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp. That would rule. As long as it’s not the same kind of crap that we got on CN Real, I’m fine with live-action on Da Boom.

Now I’m sure some people are wondering: just why is Turner doing this? Well, as previously stated, the official press reason is that Turner wants Boomerang to be unified with its’ international feeds, but there’s also another reason. A simple but obvious reason, and that reason is that Boomerang wasn’t cutting the mustard as an ad-free nostalgia channel, and it had to start pulling its’ weight. In other words……

Why Starfire is Awesome!

silverstar 1 Comment
  1. She’s a space alien. Alien babes are awesome by default.
  2. She’s golden. Literally.
  3. She has the strength of 8 humans. That’s more than the starting lineup of a basketball team.
  4. One word: midriff.
  5. She comes from a race which has the natural ability to fly. Take that, R. Kelly!
  6. She can really put away the mustard.
  7. She’s a princess. Princesses are hot right now.
  8. She was captured and pumped full of solar energy by the Psions, but instead of it killing her, it gave her the power to fire blasts of energy from her hands. Sweeeet!
  9. She once nearly came to blows with Wonder Woman! Despite her not actually possessing them, that takes balls!
  10. As a result of impending puberty, she gained the ability to fire starbolt energy from her eyes, as opposed to just gaining a face full of zits.
  11. She can instantly ‘absorb’ languages just by epidermal contact, usually by kissing. Who wouldn’t want to master French just by Frenching a hottie?
  12. Her powers are fueled by her emotions. I’d be in touch with my feelings too, if they gave me freakin’ super powers!
  13. This pic:
BOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!

The Couch: Cosmic Quantum Ray

silverstar Leave a comment

It’s time for another installment of The Couch. Today we look at one of the first shows to air on The Hub, the science themed animated sci-fi comedy Cosmic Quantum Ray.

Cosmic Quantum Ray premiered on October 10, 2010 on Hub Network, and ended on December 9, 2010 with 26 episodes. It was produced by Moonscoop, Mike Young Productions, Method Films, and Telegael Torenta. The series had reruns on The Hub until November 4, 2013.
Although produced by Germany’s KI.KA and France’s M6, the show was written in English, the writing supervised by Head Writers/Co-producers and Emmy winners Pamela Hickey and Dennys McCoy. In 2009, the series beat out Nickelodeon, Disney and Cartoon Network to win the Pulcinella Award for BEST TV SERIES. The series was created by cosmologist Dr. Mani Bhaumik. Hickey and McCoy based all their stories on principles and theories from quantum physics, with Dr. Bhaumik literally providing the math.
 
 
Cosmic Quantum Ray was billed as a bizarre comedy/sci-fi adventure (emphasis on “bizarre comedy”) that, at the end of each episode, explained the quantum physics associated with a story and/or physical gags found within the series.
CQR centered on Everyteen Robbie Shipton, an average kid with an average life and a fairly hot seemingly single real estate agent mom, who through means which were never explained, possessed a shoe box leading to the 9th Dimension (the point in space-time of uncertainty, probability, possibility and chaos wherein we can compare all the possible universes’ histories starting with all the different possible laws of physics and initial conditions, according to some string theorists). Sound weird? Well, Dexter has a super-advanced high-tech science laboratory with TARDIS-like diemsnions within the bowels of his ordinary suburban home, and Lydia Deetz is best friends with a gross con-artist ghost from the Neitherworld. So why not a shoe box leading to the 9th Dimension? Said shoe box is also the home of intergalactic superhero Quantum Ray, leader of a band of sci-fi weirdo do-gooders known as Team Quantum, dedicated to upholding Natural Law throughout the cosmos or something similar, with Robbie in tow as the Eager Young Space Cadet, fighting such space and science themed baddies as a body-snatching spore, a haughty space worm who would make portable wormholes (get it?), a purple skinned mad scientist and his nagging mother who was trapped in the body of a hamster, an indestructible surfer dude who rode a gamma ray powered surfboard and a pair of militant military squirrels. Team Quantum consisted of:
  • Quantum Ray himself is the leader of Team Quantum, but in truth he’s captain of the team in the same manner that Arthur “Big Guy” Carlson was in charge of the radio station on WKRP in Cincinnati. Ray is a big muscular man-child of a superhero, sort of a cross between The Tick and SpongeBob Squarepants. (The latter comparison in particularly ironic, since Ray was also voiced by Tom Kenny). Ray was a cosmic being from the 9th Dimension. He is brave, determined and occasionally clever, though he sometimes comes off as a bit “flaky” or “weird” – but he’s just thinking “differently” than we 3-dimensional creatures, as his mind occupies 6 additional dimensions. He possessed a uniquely bizarre but still kind of kick-ass super power set: As a being from the 9th dimension, not all of Ray’s body can be seen – his elbows, knees and midriff are all in “higher” dimensions (we can’t see them, but Ray can). Ray’s body parts can also be detached at times when called for; he is held together by a cosmic essence of unknown origin that only Ray or other higher dimensional beings can see. As a 9th dimensional man, Ray can also see celestial objects and scientific phenomena that 3-dimensional beings cannot, like P-branes and tesseracts. Ray was also super-strong, able to fly and he could also control and change his atoms into any inorganic material he wants: he can turn to titanium, diamond, rubber, brick, iron, gold, and silver – anything he needs to get the “hero job” done. As a higher dimensional being, Quantum Ray sometimes forgets that not everyone occupies several planes of time, space and reality simultaneously, not everybody’s appendages are modular, and that most people have to obey the basic laws of physics. He referred to Robbie as his “young sidekick” and his tagline was “Halt! In the name of Natural Law!”
  • Atee and Geecee are a pair of super-cute pint-sized, green-skinned, pointy-eared, hovering teenage twin alien honeys from the planet Tooferwun –a planet where everyone is a twin (and you used to wonder where we came from) therefore they count as a single member of Team Quantum. Identical in appearance, the only way to tell them apart was by their costumes and demeanor: Atee, who wore a pink costume, was sweet-voiced and dainty, whereas Geecee, who wore a baby blue costume, was gravelly voiced and scrappy. The twins were the lead-footed pilots of the ship, knowing only 2 speeds: fast and faster. They were also lazy, declining to perform any other duties with their line, “We’re pilots. We don’t do (whatever additional task they were asked to perform).” In addition to the ability to hover and fly (the twins are seen floating more often than walking), the twins have a superpower that only works when they combine their bodies together to form “Double Helix” – a large band of super-strong, super-elastic DNA that can catch, launch or catapult villains, dangerous objects (like out of control meteorites) – or even their fellow teammates. The twins generate their “Double Helix” ability through the soles of their feet as a sort of contrail, and they control the helixes by flying around. The twins’ “Double Helix” power is activated when they touch each other and speak the phrase, “Two for one, we’re double fun! We’re Double Helix!” (It was unclear if this phrase was necessary or just a habit of theirs. Physical contact, however, is required. If the two are out of reach of each other, they are unable to activate their power.) Their one weakness is separation. They are “connected” on a quantum level…should they be separated they would be powerless. And if they are separated for a very long period of time… they could cease to exist as we know them (but being quantum, we’re not quite sure what they would become). Being teenagers, Atee and Geecee seemed to have a mild crush on Robbie, they were definitely ga-ga over his hair, as they tried to touch it, snip it or sample it in just about every episode. Their names didn’t just sound science fiction-y, they were also a reference to the components of a DNA molecule: Adenine Thymine (Atee) and Guanine Cytosine (Geecee).
  • Bucketworth was a bronze plated sentient robot and the brains of the team. Luminously intelligent, educated and refined, he was designed with a mustache, bow tie and a monocle from which he could project holographic images. Bucketworth acted as the sarcastic Mr. Spock to Ray’s clueless captain Kirk. While he possessed no super powers (beyond being a self-aware robot) he possessed a genius level IQ, and could invent handy devices and impeccable strategies to win the day. Bucketworth also delivered the science lessons at the conclusion of each episode. Ever the refined gentleman, he always referred to Robbie as ‘Robert’ and Ray as ‘Raymond’.
  • Robbie Shipton himself acted as Ray’s protege and the show’s audience avatar. He had no super powers, but provided common sense and oasis of calm within the group. While in ‘space hero’ mode, Robbie’s outfit switched to a snazzy navy blue and gold space suit with pointed shoulder blades and his glasses would mysteriously disappear.
Robbie had another distinction: he was the only member of Team Quantum who had a secret identity. Robbie led the obligatory double life on Earth, and all of the episodes would somehow involve his high school and the usual string of colorful high-school characters: Lucas, the uptight overachieving nerd, Allison, the cute but annoyingly preachy vegan/animal rights activist, Scott Stotz, the jock jerk, Scott’s hulking goonish cronies Dustin and Justin, who never spoke but whose ‘dialogue’ usually consisted of them giggling like Beavis and Butthead, and Chip Monohan, the school mascot who never took off his squirrel costume (the show’s producers seemed to have a “thing” for squirrels, since a pair of squirrels were also among the show’s recurring villains). Chip also holds the distinction of being the only cast member outside of Team Quantum to have appeared in every episode of the series. So Robbie and crew had to spend many an episode making up hee-larious excuses for all of the bizarre events that went on around them, and the other kids just thought Robbie was a weirdo geek who made up loony space stories.
Cosmic Quantum Ray wasn’t a bad show by any means; it was pretty fun, and I did learn some cool science stuff from it (it was from CQR that I learned what a quantum computer is, what qubits are and it’s what got me interested in string theory), but in short order, it did become a bit repetitive, what with the heroes facing the same revolving door of villains every time, and how each episode had to somehow involve Robbie’s school, invariably leading to another character discovering the truth about Robbie’s outer space escapades and exclaiming, “My gosh! Those stories you tell! They’re TRUE!!” only to get their memories erased (usually by Bucketworth) again and again and again. This happened so frequently that one episode even turned it into an in-universe joke. I would’ve liked to have seen a few episodes in which Robbie’s school chums were altogether missing, which took place completely in space and where they dealt with no villains at all; surely there were enough scienctific and astronomical themed disasters and anomalies which would’ve made for interesting stories without the constant need of a costumed antagonist and adherence to the standard “wash, rinse, repeat” formula. And I REALLY would’ve liked to have seen another character learn the truth about Team Quantum and NOT get their minds wiped at the end. I’ve never liked that “I am/have/can do something really cool, but have to keep it a secret from everybody” trope, especially when no reason is given for why everything must be a big secret. I can understand keeping the existence of aliens a secret from the feds; you don’t want your homies getting locked up and dissected (indeed, the gang did go to Area 51 in one episode and nearly met with such a fate), but I think you can at least let family and close friends in on it. I especially didn’t see why Robbie’s mom Debbie couldn’t have known about it; she actually found out about Team Quantum in 2 episodes, “What’s Up with Gravity?” and “Unreal Estate”, and each time she found out, she seemed okay with it, in fact at the end of the former episode she confides in her son that she really liked Team Quantum, so she obviously wasn’t going to blow the whistle on them, so why did she have to get her mind erased? You’d think having a parent in your corner would work to your advantage; she could cover for you when people start to ask why you keeping missing class or whatever. Not to mention Debbie got her Crowning Moment of Awesome in her first appearance by stating that she’d totally mess up any villain who screwed with her kid, and later does it! any lady who can pull a villain’s lower lip up over her head–literally!–is A-OK in my book.
You go, Mom.