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Player Two Start!: The Wit an’ Wisdom o’ Rufus

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We here at Twinsanity like to spotlight the obscure, less celebrated and just plain odd, so take one such character: Rufus from the Street Fighter franchise…please.

Rufus

“Butt-whoop. It’s what’s for dinner!”

For those who don’t know, Rufus is an obese American Kung-Fu fighter in the Street Fighter series who made his first appearance in Street Fighter IV.
Rufus is a loudmouthed master of Kung-Fu, hailing from the U.S. Believing himself to be the strongest in America, he develops a personal hatred for Ken Masters, who carries that title officially. Often seen riding his motorcycle with his girlfriend, Candy (an attractive but not very bright brunette woman with a notably tacky way of dress), who seems to adore him and agree with his beliefs. He is very hasty and impatient, constantly jumping to conclusions to reach a goal, which often results in him sacrificing accuracy for speed.
Rufus is prone to loud-mouthed rambling, often spouting off at the mouth continuously until someone cuts him off. Said ramblings are usually about trivial things he notices about the characters, doting over Candy, giving random anecdotes, or mistaking several members of the cast for Ken Masters (including Cammy, Guile and Ryu).He’s also prone to saying whatever random thoughts come to his mind, regardless of how rude, irrelevant or just plain stupid they are. In fact, his win-quotes are so long they’re normally impossible to read beginning to end before the results screen is gone. So for the benefit of those players who never quite get to read them all, assembled here are all of Rufus’ various SF4 win quotes and general deep musings and words o wisdom:
Win Quotes
  • When I was a kid, I used to go to the movies all the time. I totally dug all the kung-fu action flicks. I mean, I was practically obsessed! So I started taking all these martial arts correspondence courses. Then, I rode my hog all around China, picking up skills!
  • So I’m, like, a legend in the biker world. Or more like a god. But I ain’t satisfied with that status. This time, I wanna be a god in the fighting world, ya know? Like, on a worldwide basis! People tell me I should be satisfied with “best in America,” but…
  • The way I see it, bein’ a biker is, like, a total lifestyle choice. I mean, you pick a bike and you customize it and all that. It’s a real commitment, ya know? And the best part is, you can go pretty much anywhere on a bike. Everywhere but the ocean, that is.
  • I don’t actually remember the dude’s name, but there was this one guy, and he was, like, the greatest fighter in the USA or whatever. So, I don’t actually know much about him or whatever, but I’m pretty sure I could take him in a fight ‘cuz I’m one tough cookie!
  • I’ve got a great body, don’t I? My girlfriend is all, like, “It bounces around like a waterbed!” She’s a real freaky chick, man. But don’t get me wrong, OK? I spend plenty of time with my dude friend, too. I mean, bros before hos, right? Am I right? So, anyway…
  • I consider myself to be a pretty modest guy, really. People don’t always see me that way, but that’s totally who I am. Like, I’m not necessarily the greatest fighter out there yet, but I don’t let it get to me, ya know? I mean, there’s a lotta dudes out there…
  • So, I’m totally dating this chick named Candy, right? And, lemme tell ya, man, she’s just about as sweet as candy, too! Know what I’m sayin’? The name suits her well, man. At first, I was, like, “Is this some kinda stripper stage name, or what?” Guess I was wrong…
  • So, you’ve got a significant other, or what? I do! And she’s, like, totally hot, man! Just smokin’! I mean, we fight once in a while just like any couple, but it’s all good. She sure is aggressive, though. One time, she totally started throwin’ stuff around, man!
  • Anyway, things are gettin’ pretty serious with me and Candy, right? Like, she totally talks about gettin’ married and whatnot. I’m cool with all that an’ all, but I’m not so big on fancy ceremonies and stuff, right? I mean, it’s not like I stockpile tuxedos or…
  • My old lady, Candy? She’s not just about good looks, man. No way. She’s got an awesome personality, too. The two of us are, like, the world’s most perfect couple, ya know? We both suck at math, so we can borrow each other’s hands if we have to count past 10.
  • I’ve got this rad pool back at my pad, and not one of these kidney-shaped thingamabobs, no way! Mine is, like, totally original and just oozing with style and class! Check this out, man… It’s shaped like a freakin’ dollar bill! Is that the greatest? Isn’t it?
Win Quote vs. Abel
Now you know how it feels to lose, Ken Masters! What’s that? You say I got the wrong guy? No way, man! I ain’t stupid! You got the blonde hair, the gloves… Maybe you changed your pants or whatever, but still! I know Ken Masters when I see him! Yeah!
Win Quote vs. Akuma
Phew! That was tough! I kinda knew just lookin’ at you, man, that you ain’t no pushover. I was like “This dude means business, Rufus! Watch out!” And you totally proved me right, ya know? I’ll hand it to you, you’re pretty tough. But I came through in the end!
Win Quote vs. Balrog
So, my friend’s got this sweet lowrider, right? It’s pretty cool an’ all, but I think if I ever bought a car, I’d go for a luxury sedan or somethin’, ya know? Pleather seats, drink holders, all that classy stuff! ‘Cuz I’m a classy guy, right? Anyway, I…
Win Quote vs. Bison
Y’know, ever since I was a kid, I’ve always wondered what I’d do with super-powers. ‘Course, if you think about it, do you really need ’em? Like, we ordinary folks seem to get along fine without ’em. I guess if you forgot your keys and had to break down a door…
Win Quote vs. Blanka
My old lady, she wants to get a cat, but I’m like “No way, babe!” I mean, those things just meow and meow all day, ya know? How you s’posed to get to sleep with all that racket? Cats are cute an’ all, but I gotta be able to hear myself think! So…
Win Quote vs. Cammy
I finally beat you, Ken Masters! What? You’re not Ken Masters? Sure you are! Just one look at that blonde hair of yours and I knew it was you. ‘Course, you look a lot bigger on TV. What are you wearin’? Some kinda reverse elevator shoes or somethin’? Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Chun Li
You sure got some ham hocks on you, lady! But it’ll take more than mad cankles to defeat the mighty Rufus, though, do ya? I mean, you’re fast and move all graceful an’ stuff, but you’ve gotta have skills to get along with all that. And skills are my speciality! Ha ha!
Win Quote vs. Crimson Viper
So, I was gettin’ outta bed the other day an’ the whole thing broke on me! You know those wooden slot thingies under the mattress? It was all like “Crack!” An’ that’s all she wrote! What’re they made out of? Toothpicks! That’s the third one I broke! Geez…
Win Quote vs. Dan
Take that, Ken Masters! Huh? You say you ain’t him? You can’t fool me, man! I mean, you got the whole karate outfit an’ gloves and crap, right? Maybe you dyed your hair or whatever, but I know it’s you! ‘Course, you are weaker than I woulda thought…
Win Quote vs. Dhalsim
Nothin’ tastes better than a sandwich with chunky peanut butter and gobs an’ gobs of grape jelly, ya know? But lately, I’ve been puttin’ bananas in there. That’s right. Bananas! Crazy, right? I could see why you’d think so, but it tastes awesome! Try it!
Win Quote vs. El Fuerte
Dude, I can hardly tell what you’re talkin’ about! You don’t sound like a fighter at all, man. What’s that? You’re a chef? That’s pretty cool, I guess. Maybe you were all like, “What should I cook for dinner an’ stuff?” and couldn’t concentrate on the fight, huh?
Win Quote vs. Fei Long
So many dudes nowadays are all talk, no action, y’know? I mean, you can do all the fancy moves an’ whatnot on the big screen, but once I get ya in the ring, you’re all like, “Oh no! I’m all powerless an’ stuff!” Yeah, I got your number, dude. I got ya pegged!
Win Quote vs. Gen
Do you have a will all set up an’ whatnot? You probably should get that taken care of, man. If not, you will have all these weird third cousins an’ stuff just crawlin’ outta the woodwork beggin’ for scraps! That ain’t no way to treat your legacy, man. Anyway…
Win Quote vs. Gouken
So why don’t guys like you wear shoes, anyway? Like, is it some kind of rule or somethin’? Or do you just have really bad corns and shoes would make it worse? I had this corn once, man. It was the size of a freakin’ jellybean! An’ what if you stepped in dog doo?
Win Quote vs. Guile
Did you enjoy your beating, Ken Masters? Huh? I got the wrong guy? Don’t play me for a fool, man! Look at that blonde hair! How could you not be Ken Masters? You can’t fool me just by changin’ your hairstyle, dude! I’m no dummy, pal! I can see right through you!
Win Quote vs. Honda
I hear that you sumo dudes eat nothing but sushi and stew and tofu and stuff, like, 24 hours a day, man. There’s this sushi place near my house, but there’s all these rumors goin’ around that they serve spoiled fish! One bite, an’ you’ll be on the toilet all day!
Win Quote vs. Ken
Now you know what it feels like to lose, Ken Masters! I bet you totally thought you could run from me, but I proved you wrong an’ then some, didn’t I? Oh yeah! You never thought I’d find you, but I did! And I gave it to you good! Were you even fightin’ for real?
Win Quote vs. Rose
I’ll never forget when I first met my girl. It was a rainy day in October and I was on my way home from a fight. Suddenly, this chick came outta nowhere an’ was all like “Help!” I guess she pulled a dine an’ dash, so I beat up the waiter that was chasin’ her!
Win Quote vs. Ryu
So you’re Ken Masters, huh? What? You’re not? Are you sure, man? You sure look like him in that outfit. I mean, you’ve got the gloves and all that, I guess maybe you coulda dyed your hair or something. But that’s not enough to fool me, Ken! I’m on to you! You hear me?
Win Quote vs. Sagat
Y’know, I think the way a dude wears his hair tells you a lot about his personality, right? Like, I took forever an’ a day to finally decide on my look. It’s not a decision you can take lightly, man. I put a lot of thought into this. I spent years plannin’ it!
Win Quote vs. Sakura
You could totally use a makeover, girl. What’re you doin’ wearin’ your school uniform, anyway? Are you so poor you couldn’t afford a cool ensemble like the one I’m wearin’? You won’t get far in the fighting world in an outfit like that! What you need to do is…
Win Quote vs. Seth
What a crazy fight. Never expected to run into a weird dude like you, man. What with that weird basketball thing stuck in your belly an’ all. How do you eat, anyway? Do you just spoon stuff right into that ball? What’s it like bein’ a robot thing? Is it fun?
Win Quote vs. Vega
So, I finally found you, Ken Masters! How does it feel to lose to me, Masters? Are you filled with regret? Rage? How about rue? I bet you’re filled to the brim with rue, ain’t ya? What? You’re not Ken Masters? C’mon, man! It’ll take more than a mask to fool me!
Win Quote vs. Zangief
Now that’s what I like to see! You an’ me, we think alike, ya know? I mean, all these skinny dudes runnin’ around like they’re so cool, but you an’ me, we know that only wimps and losers are skinny, right? No one likes a guy that looks like a skeleton! Seriously…
 ******************************************
Well! Now that we’ve all got a gander of the gems of this guy’s mind, I think I speak for all Street Fighter players, fans and combatants alike when I say……

A Superman Video Game That Wouldn’t Suck

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A few days ago, a member of the Toonzone Forums created a thread asking the question “Should Rocksteady make a Superman video game?”

“How about it, Rocksteady? Where’s my game? There are, like, 20 Batman games and only, like, 3 Superman games! What’s the deal? Do you have to wear a long pointy eared cowl and drive a cool car to star in a Rocksteady game?”

Without a doubt, the most common statement that I’ve heard from people saying why a Superman video game wouldn’t work is this one:
“The problem with Superman is that he’s almost invincible and all of the foes he would have to fight would need to be at boss-level since regular henchmen would be nearly useless against the man of steel.”
or
“Superman is boring and lame because he has a ton of super powers and he can beat anybody, but Batman is awesome because he has no powers and he can beat everybody!”
Sense no make. Sense no make.
Seriously? Superman boring and lame because he has powers? Son Goku (from Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z) is very similar to Superman in terms of powers and abilities, and yet I never hear anyone saying that Goku is too powerful to star in a video game. Heck, there are literally dozens of DBZ games out there currently. Samus Aran from Metroid has powers, but no one says that those games suffer because of that. Having super powers is part of what makes Superman cool. Come on! Supes can friggin’ fly! Flying is cool! That alone is reason why Rocksteady should make a Superman video game. Thus begins my proposal. I believe that a Superman video can work, and that Big Blue is capable of doing more than just flying through floating golden rings and beating up a tornado.
These “issues” with Superman are minor and could easily be dealt with with a certain degree of thought and creativity. For example, Superman can be hurt by someone in his strength class and is vulnerable to magic. The issue of Superman’s powers can easily be rectified in any one of the following ways:
1. Have Superman start out with only a limited amount of strength and powers, so that he would gain more abilities and become stronger as the game progresses.
2. Emphasize Superman’s other abilities besides fighting. Give Superman a series of missions, such as stopping a speeding locomotive from falling off of a damaged bridge or finding several bombs hidden in various parts of Metropolis or saving several citizens from an erupting volcano. Also, the missions could be timed so that Supes only has a limited amount of time to succeed in the missions or else he loses a life or something. Every level of the game doesn’t have to have Supes going a few rounds with a villain.
3. Have the game focus on a younger Superman who is relatively new to the super hero scene and as such, Clark’s powers wouldn’t be fully developed yet. Again, Supes’ strength could increase and he could gain more super powers as he progresses through the game.
4. Have Superman’s more devastating powers, such as heat vision and ice breath, reserved as special moves which can be used, but using them would lower his life bar, so the player won’t be able to just use them all of the time, and should mostly save them for extreme situations.
5. Give Superman a Super Meter, which would gradually build up whenever Supes punches or kicks an opponent. Once the Super Meter if full, Supes would be able to unleash a devastating super power, but the Super Meter would empty as he’s doing it. Also, Supes would have to start each new level with an empty Super Meter.

I’d play a game like that. How about you?

New Boomerang Hopes and Predictions

silverstar 4 Comments

As some of you may or may not know, the digital tier bonus channel Boomerang will be receiving a makeover this year.

“Boomerang, voted the most beloved network by parents in the 2013 Harris Poll, will be programmed and marketed globally to present a line-up of classic and contemporary cartoons for consistent programming appeal to family co-viewing across all of its 13 international feeds.”

Basically, this means that Boomerang will be transformed from an ad-free bonus tier channel which shows only Cartoon Network’s leftovers into an ad-supported kids and family channel akin to Hub Network. No official date has been cited as to when this re-branding will occur, but it’s most likely to happen on, by or around March 31st, since this is also the date that Boomerang Latin America will change its’ format and roster as well as the date when Cartoon Network US will lose its’ 8 PM-9PM prime time hour to Adult Swim (which I’ve already squawked about in Night of the Living Snyder). Coincidentally, or perhaps not so coincidentally, April 1st is also Boomerang’s 14th anniversary. (Wait, April 1st? I hope it doesn’t turn out that this is all an elaborate prank and we’re not all just getting punk’d.) UPDATE: It’s recently been announced that the re-brand will occur sometime during the 4th quarter of 2014, not in March or April. Dang. Upfronts are typically released during the last of week of March, so we’ll know for certain what to expect then, but in the meantime…..

Here’s a brief run-through of what this will or could mean for Joe TV Viewer, as well as what I and other fans would like to see happen on this new Boomerang.

1. NEW LOGO

As stated in the article, Boomerang US will be syncing up its’ look to coincide with the channel’s other international feeds, so in all likelihood this means that Da Boom will be switching from this logo….

…to this logo:
 Boomerang-Ribbon-Logo
I also wouldn’t mind if they went with this spiffy little number:
But I’m thinking it’ll most likely be the ‘ribbon’ logo, since that’s the one the international Boomerangs are using right now.
2. BUMPS & IDENTS
A natural after-effect of a re-brand is a new look, which means new bumps and wraparounds. Since as previously stated, Boom US’s bumps will most likely fall in line with the international Boom feeds, so I’m guessing we could get bumps like these French bumps from 2011:
Or these from the UK:

Now some folks on Toon Zone have complained that these bumps (especially the UK ones) are “too childish” and don’t accurately reflect the “classic” feel of the Boomerang channel the way the current toy bumps do. To that I have 2 things to say: One, keep in mind that Boomerang isn’t going to be just a classic cartoon channel anymore (but more on that later) and Two, so what? We’ve been subjected to those same old toy bumpers for 4 years straight without an iota of a change; at this point I’ll take ANYTHING besides those smegging toy bumps. A tap-dancing test pattern would be preferable to just getting more toy bumpers. A fellow poster suggested that Da Boom just re-use some of Cartoon Network’s old idents, like from the Powerhouse and City Era; now I’m definitely against that idea. The ‘childish’ nature of those above bumps doesn’t bother me personally, since they’re for a family network. They’re innocuous, but harmless, and I’d still rather get these wraparounds as opposed to Boom just getting Cartoon Network’s hand-me-downs. Just re-using old CN promos would make it look like the people in charge really don’t care about this channel, and that Boomerang would have no identity of its’ own and couldn’t stand on its’ own merits.

To me, the toy bumpers represent a bygone era of stagnancy that’s (hopefully) finally coming to a close.

3. PROGRAMMING

Now, if you watched the entirety of the Boom UK bumps, you undoubtedly noticed that several of the shows advertised there weren’t exactly ‘classic’. Keep in mind that the re-branded Boomerang is said to “present a line-up of classic and contemporary cartoons”. Emphasis on “and contemporary”. Basically this means that Boomerang will no longer be a strictly nostalgia channel. I realize this doesn’t sit well with several viewers; there are some who don’t want to see Boomerang go beyond airing former CN shows from the 1992-2004 era, and there are even some who think that Boom airing the likes of Cartoon-Cartoons such as Johnny Bravo and Powerpuff Girls is too much, and that they should “go back to their roots” and only air theatrical cartoons from the 40’s and Hanna-Barbera cartoons from the 60’s.

“Change? Progress?? FLOBBEDY-FLEE!”
To those folks, I can’t put it any better than my brother Jason (Goldstar) did:
Sorry, but I can guarantee that won’t happen. Keeping the channel stuck in 1 era only would be neither realistic nor economically feasible. Boomerang airing nothing but Looney Tunes and MGM shorts and 60’s HB cartoons would basically be signing the channel’s own death warrant. The audience for 40s-60s nostalgia is far too narrow a market for a channel devoted solely to it to work anymore, and finding sponsors who’d be willing to advertise on an all old-school channel would be harder than Chinese arithmetic. Said channel would die faster than Nick GAS or Planet Green and be remade as a general entertainment channel in less than 2 years. I hope that there’ll still be a place for old-school toons on Boomerang, but in order for Boomerang to evolve and succeed, new and original content is necessary.
 
Also, the Cartoon-Cartoons are part of Cartoon Network’s roots. Those were among the 1st original animated series to air on CN. They’re as integral to the network’s history as those old shorts were. Plus, the Cartoon-Cartoons are over 20 years old now and are therefore old enough to remembered nostalgically by many people.

4. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE CLASSICS?

 

“WILL ENTERTAIN FOR ROOM & BOARD”

With the advent of newer shows and acquisitions, this inevitably means that the classics will have to give way to the newer shows. I just hope that this means the classics will be thrust off the network entirely. Hopefully, the classics can stay a part of Boomerang’s lineup, even if it’s only during non-peak viewing hours.

“Dang, I hope I won’t have to move. I finally done got my space in this here vast video wasteland Fueng-Shui-ed the way I likes it!”

5. BLOCKS AND ACQUISITIONS

Now that Boomerang will be ad-supported, that means the Powers That Be will have some more cash to throw around, and that means they’ll be able to spend more on 3rd party acquisitions and even–gasp!–original programming. We all have our personal choices as to which orphan shows we hope Boomerang will adopt (I’d personally like to see Super Friends come back, and maybe Freakazoid! or Beetlejuice be added, and maybe get some Tara Duncan, Bananaman, The Why Why Family, Oban Star Racers, Code LYOKO, Arthur and the Square Knights of the Round Table and the like in there as well, but that’s just me), but which shows actually end up coming to Da Boom remain to be seen. This will also hopefully mean that there will be programming blocks, so Boom’s schedule won’t seem so random anymore. A fellow TZ-er suggested a classic Toonami block; such a thing would really depend on which audience they’re aiming for and which shows they can/could acquire for it. Most of the shows which aired on Toonami were licensed 3rd party acquisitions, meaning that Cartoon Network had to pay licensees’ fees for the rights to air the shows which aired on the block, and Turner has since let the broadcasting rights to most of Toonami’s signature shows expire, so Boom can’t have a Toonami that runs every show that used to air on Cartoon Network’s Toonami, because CN has since lost the broadcasting rights to most of those shows or their US ditributors have since expired or they’re languishing in Licensing Hell. There’s also the matter of which viewership the channel is trying to attract; I don’t see Turner re-acquiring the likes of Yu Yu Hakusho for a channel that’s supposed to be aimed at families, in fact, shounen in general seems like a leap. Turner/CN just doesn’t seem to have any interest in acquiring non toy-based anime outside of Toonami, which is firmly lodged in Adult Swim territory. I don’t doubt we’ll get something action-oriented on this channel, but I don’t know about a return of classic Toonami. Maybe a souped-up Boomeraction could happen, featuring the likes of Swat Kats, Teen Titans, Samurai Jack, The Secret Saturdays, Sym-Bionic Titan and maybe some of the WB DC comics shows like Batman: TAS, Superman: TAS and Batman Beyond, since those shows have recently vacated The Hub. That’s about as close to Toonami as I see Boomerang getting.

A fellow poster at TZ, CartoonRuler, had a pretty good suggestion:

“Since Freakazoid! was popular more with adults, it would be a good idea if Boom got its hands on it, it would air around 11PM or so in a block along with the likes of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, ToonHeads, Cartoon Planet, Time Squad, uncut Looney Tunes, etc. Sorta like an Adult Swim lite, but way less edgier. 

In fact, I would like it if the new revamp Boomerang’s schedule would be like how Teletoon did it in its early days: preschoolers in the early morning, big kids in the afternoon, families in the evening and adults in the late night.”

-Now I think that’s a neat idea. I’ve been saying that there should be a lighter, less stoner-y version of Adult Swim for years now. I’d watch a block like that, wouldn’t you? I really hope the Powers That Be go with an idea like this.

ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING, AND LIVE-ACTION?

Yes, it’s a safe bet that the revamped Boomerang will feature some original programming.

Now, I can understand why some people are resistant to the notion of Boomerang airing new shows, but If Boomerang is going to survive as a commercial network and a ratings earner, it needs new shows. Advertisers aren’t interested in running spots on a channel which doesn’t show anything new. Audiences’ attention spans are fleeting, and nostalgia alone loses its’ appeal after a while. The channel either rebrands, or it continues running the same treadmill it’s been running on for over a decade, looping the same 10-20 episodes of the same 4-5 shows with the same old toy bumps sandwiched between them.

As long as the Boomerang classics still have a place on the channel and they’re not just tossed into the vaults to collect dust, then I’m fine with newer content on Da Boom, as long as said programming isn’t going to just be a rehash of what’s airing on Cartoon Network right now, and that includes live-action shows. Yes, I said I’d be OK with live-action shows airing on Boomerang, as long as they’re not just the same melange of “dumb boy comedies” that are on CN. Maybe here shows like Tower Prep and Unnatural History can finally be given the chance that they never got on CN under Stuart Snyder’s regime (CN’s top brass ordered TP and UH axed because they were gaining sizable amounts of female viewers, and the current CN is only interested in targeting boys), and live-action shows are fine as long as they represent the cartoony nature of Boom’s genre, like The Banana Splits, The Skatebirds or Korg: 70,000 B..C., or even live-action acquisitions like the Adam West Batman series or Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp. That would rule. As long as it’s not the same kind of crap that we got on CN Real, I’m fine with live-action on Da Boom.

Now I’m sure some people are wondering: just why is Turner doing this? Well, as previously stated, the official press reason is that Turner wants Boomerang to be unified with its’ international feeds, but there’s also another reason. A simple but obvious reason, and that reason is that Boomerang wasn’t cutting the mustard as an ad-free nostalgia channel, and it had to start pulling its’ weight. In other words……

The Couch: Wake, Rattle and Roll

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It’s time for another segment of The Couch. In this installment, we’ll be looking back at the Hanna-Barbera syndicated series Wake, Rattle and Roll.

Some people may feel that discussing this series here is a cheat, since it’s not technically a cartoon, but Wake, Rattle and Roll did have regular animated segments in every episode but with live action host segments, so WR&R is a live action/animation hybrid, not unlike The Super Mario Brothers Super Show!, so it still counts. In any case, Wake Rattle and Roll was a series produced by Hanna-Barbera Studios which ran on weekday mornings for only a single season (1990) in first run syndication.
 
 
Wake, Rattle and Roll focused on a boy named Sam Baxter (played by then child actor R.J. Williams, who previously voiced the title character on NBC’s Kissyfur and who also voiced the character of Kid Cloudkicker on Disney’s Tale Spin. This kid has a knack for voicing cartoon bears.) and his robot DECKS (which was an acronym for Digital Electronic Cassette-Headed Kinetic System). DECKS was built from old audio-video equipment and was voiced by none other than Rob Paulsen. Mr.Paulsen also voiced Dickie Dastardly on H-B’s Yo, Yogi! that same year, but we like Rob, so we’ll forgive him. Sam and DECKS would have random misadventures in their basement, which was full of impossibly sci-fi high inspired tech, such as a People Processor -a teleporter used to send or retrieve people to and from anywhere in the world. Sometimes, it could even send people through time,  a supercomputer called Mondo View that was used for several reasons on the show, for example, Sam is able to talk to Grandpa Quirk anywhere in the world, and a Debbie Detector, which was a video monitor used by Sam and DECKS to communicate with Sam’s older sister Debbie (played by Terri Ivens) which lessens the amount of time Debbie spends in the basement. It often makes an alarm sound when she approaches. Interestingly, Terri Irvens previously appeared in the short lived FOX teen sitcom Boys Will Be Boys (1987-1988) starring the pre-Friends Matthew Perry as “Chazz”. Other supporting characters included Sam’s wacky-but-brilliant inventor grandfather Lester T. Quirk (played by Avery Schreiber), who constantly supplied Sam & DECKS with sci-fi technology to add to their basement, Sam’s platonic girl friend K.C. – but not the Sunshine Band – (played by Ebonie Smith, who’s perhaps best known for playing Danny Glover’s youngest daughter in the Lethal Weapon movies) and Sam and Debbie’s mother, Mrs. Baxter, voiced by Adrienne Barbeau. Ms. Barbeau never appeared on screen. We only heard her voice, like Orson on Mork and Mindy. Not even a cheesy leg shot. Sorry, guys.
 
*****************************************
 
Here’s the shows’ opening:
 
 
In a typical episode, Sam and DECKS would do some shtick, and then DECKS would activate the television screen on his torso and display an animated short. There were 2 shorts which were created specifically for the series: Monster Tails and The Fender Bender 500. Monster Tails focused on the pets of the famous movie monsters who all lived together in a castle in Transylvania, which was maintained by Igor’s son, Iggy Jr. (voiced by Charles Adler) while their famous owners were making movies in Hollywood. The main cast consisted of:
 
 
  • Frankenmutt (voiced by Frank Welker) – The pet dog of Frankenstien’s monster, who unlike his master, possessed the brain of a genius.
  • Elsa (voiced by Pat Musick) – The pet dog of the Bride of Frankenstien, who has the brain of a parrot.
  • Catula (voiced like Iggy Jr. by Charlie Adler) – The pet cat of Count Dracula, who like his master is pretty arrogant, but has a mastery of magic and transformations.
  • Mumphrey (Frank Welker again, doing his best Woody Allen impression) – The pet dog of The Mummy.
  • Dr. Veenie (voiced by Jonathan Winters) – The pet dog of Dr. Jekyll. Normally a brilliant scientist but who like his famous master, had a mindlessly monstrous destructive alter ego named Mr. Snyde, which manifested every time the good doctor sneezed.
  • Angel (Pat Musick again) – The pet goldfish of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. She floated around the castle without the need of water because she was a ghost, a fate which befell her after being eaten by a shark some time before the first episode.
 
The other regular animated segment was The Fender Bender 500, basically an update of H-B’s Wacky Races, only this time with established H-B characters as the competitors. The racers and cars consisted of:
 
 
  • 00 – Dick Dastardly and Muttley in the Dirty Truckster (Design wise, it was the Mean Machine with monster truck wheels)
  • 1 – Yogi and Boo-Boo in the Jellystone Jammer (Which looked like a picnic basket on wheels)
  • 2 – Huckleberry Hound and Snagglepuss in the Half Dog, Half Cat Half Track (Try saying that 3 times fast!)
  • 3- Wally Gator and Magilla Gorilla in the Swamp Stomper (A swamp buggy on wheels. Gorillas don’t generally live in swamps, but let’s not nitpick here.)
  • 4 – Top Cat and Choo-Choo in the Alley Cat (Which looked like a trash can on wheels)
  • 5 – Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Looey in the Texas Twister (Which resembled a motorized covered wagon. Not to be confused with the song by Little Feat or the obscure Marvel Comics character)
  • 6 – Pixie & Dixie in the Cheddar Shredder (Which looked like a wedge of cheddar cheese on wheels)
  • 7 – Auggie Doggie and Doggy Daddy in the Lucky Trucky (which I swear sounds like the title of a preschool show to me)
  • 13 – Winsome Witch with her cat Lucky in the Sonic Broom (It was a cauldron on wheels with a pair of broomsticks for the exhaust pipes)
 
Those familiar with the Wacky Races already know what to expect from this show. Fender Bender 500 didn’t win any points for originality, but it did have a couple of strong points: For one, the announcer was disc jockey Shadoe Stevens. For another, it brought the character of Winsome Witch back to television.
 
Winsome Witch
 
“Seriously? It took Hanna-Barbera this long to remember that I exist? I wasn’t even asked to be in Laff-A-Lympics, for crying out loud! Do you have to be a talking animal wearing a tie to get a part on one these shows?”
 
 
 Trivia Time: The series’ title was a play on the title of the song “Shake Rattle and Roll”, written in 1954 by Jesse Stone and most famously performed by Bill Haley and His Comets.
 
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After WR&R ended its run in syndication after 1 season, the reruns were acquired by the Disney Channel from October 1991 to 1994. Because TDC aired the series in the afternoons, the title was changed to Jump, Rattle and Roll. Also, because Disney Channel was commercial free at the time, an additional cartoon (referred to as a “Secret Cartoon”) was added after the live action segments as a time filler. This “secret cartoon” would either be reruns of the “Dino and Cavemouse” (basically a prehistoric Tom & Jerry retread) segments from The Flintstones Comedy Show or reruns of “Undercover Elephant” from H-B’s CB Bears show. I didn’t have the Disney Channel at the time (TDC wouldn’t become part of any basic cable package until a few years later), so I only caught the Disney Channel airings sporadically. Every time that I tuned in to Jump, Rattle and Roll, the “secret cartoon” would always be “Dino and Cavemouse” Lucky me.
 
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Wake, Rattle and Roll wasn’t a great show by any means. The jokes were corny. The plots were predictable, but of course, this was a kids’ show, so I wasn’t expecting the writing to be on the level of Yes, Minister or anything. However, I can’t bring myself to disliking the show. There was something about the shows’ premise that I found to be somewhat appealing. The live action segments had a certain campy charm to them, similar to the live action host wraparounds on The Super Mario Brothers Super Show! (which have aged significantly better than that series’ cartoon segments, in my honest opinion). It could by my inner geek speaking here, but I can’t dislike a series that has wacky sci-fi inspired inventions as part of it’s premise. I actually had an idea for an animated series which was loosely inspired by the live action segments of WR&R; about a pair of fun-loving young kid siblings who would spend the day playing around with goofy science in their high-tech suburban home, driving their parents and neighbors crazy. Kind of like Johnny Test, only good.
 
So here’s to you, Wake, Rattle & Roll. You weren’t on the air for very long, but your presence at least made an impact on this geek.

Why Starfire is Awesome!

silverstar 1 Comment
  1. She’s a space alien. Alien babes are awesome by default.
  2. She’s golden. Literally.
  3. She has the strength of 8 humans. That’s more than the starting lineup of a basketball team.
  4. One word: midriff.
  5. She comes from a race which has the natural ability to fly. Take that, R. Kelly!
  6. She can really put away the mustard.
  7. She’s a princess. Princesses are hot right now.
  8. She was captured and pumped full of solar energy by the Psions, but instead of it killing her, it gave her the power to fire blasts of energy from her hands. Sweeeet!
  9. She once nearly came to blows with Wonder Woman! Despite her not actually possessing them, that takes balls!
  10. As a result of impending puberty, she gained the ability to fire starbolt energy from her eyes, as opposed to just gaining a face full of zits.
  11. She can instantly ‘absorb’ languages just by epidermal contact, usually by kissing. Who wouldn’t want to master French just by Frenching a hottie?
  12. Her powers are fueled by her emotions. I’d be in touch with my feelings too, if they gave me freakin’ super powers!
  13. This pic:
BOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!