Nerdvana: Cookin’ with Toons

Today’s Nerdvana is all about food products. Specifically those appetizing food products that you see in cartoons and wonder what they’d taste like in real life. First up, Krabby Patties.

They make them look so good on the show, I’m sure at some point we’ve all wondered what these things actually taste like.
“I know I have! Inquiring minds want to know. Kindly speak into my left antenna, which isn’t concealing a hidden recorder at all.”
I’m surprised that no major seafood franchise like Red Lobster or Long John Silver’s hasn’t capitalized on this and manufactured actual Krabby Patties to sell as some sort of promotion. It practically sells itself. Of course, they may have had second thoughts after learning the truth…


Still hungry? Let’s move on to another popular animated delicacy, Smurfberries.


“Smurfberries? I LOVE Smurfberries! Smurfberry pie, Smurfberry cake, Smurfberry pudding, Smurfberry tarts, Smurfberry muffins, Smurfberry donuts, Smurfberry shakes…”

“A question: given that the Smurfs were originally created by the wizard Homnibus, which came first, the Smurfs or the Smurfberries? Were the Smurfberries named after the Smurfs, or were the Smurfs named after the Smurfberries?”
Save it for Talkin’ Nerdy, Prof. But here’s a fun factoid: did you know that Post cereals actually made a food product with Smurfberries? It was called Smurf Berry Crunch.
Smurf Berry Crunch
Here’s an ad:

Ah, so Smurfberries are basically Crunchberries. That answers that. Moving on…


I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Scooby Snacks. One of the great mysteries of the universe: what the heck are Scooby Snacks and why do Scooby and Shaggy crave them so badly? (I remember there being Shaggy Snacks in one episode.) If Scoob’s name is on the product, does he get paid royalties for them or do he and Shag get to nosh on them for free? In Shaggy and Scooby-Doo Get a Clue! (aka “the Scooby show WB doesn’t talk about anymore”) the Scooby Snacks were enhanced by advanced nanotechnology, granting the duo temporary superpowers; I wondered what those tasted like?

“Well, like, one pack of them gave me laser eye beams and Scoob super speed, then we like blacked out, and we woke up in Atlantic City next to a nude Ken doll. Scoob had swallowed an entire saxophone and I found out I was married to Kiyone from Tenchi Muyo! Man, that was one hot crazy summer!”
To say that C.H. Greenblatt’s late Cartoon Network series Chowder was hit or miss is putting it mildly, but I did and still do think the show had some fun and interesting concepts, and that if done correctly, a show built around cooking and dishes could make for an interesting series, or maybe just one interesting element in a series. Among the items mentioned on the show was Thrice Cream.

I like this product not only because it was, according to the show’s title character, “The life giver and source of all that is creamy and good!” but also because its’ name incorporates the word thrice, which we’re trying to bring back into everyday usage.

Chowder has also given us the No-Fruit.

No-Fruit was a bizarre fruit which resembled a block of tofu with a leafy stem on top. In this state it tasted like literally nothing, but when its’ stem was pulled, it would begin transforming lightning fast into a wide assortment of fruits. A skilled chef would then have to strike the No-Fruit, Whack-A-Mole style, to land on whichever fruit he/she required. When morphed into another fruit, the No-Fruit would taste like the freshest and most delicious form of said fruit. Let’s get on this, genetic scientists!

Hmm, I wonder if No-Fruit could simulate a Smurfberry?

“Smurfberries? I LOVE Smurfberries! Smurfberry pancakes, Smurfberry waffles, Smurfberry biscuits, Smurfberry parfaits, Smurfberry burgers, Smurfberry tacos, Smurfberry pizza, Smurfberry lasagna, Smurfberry soup, Smurfberry noodles…”

-Check, please!

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