Cartoon Country: Flip the Script – Phineas and Ferb

Earlier this year, the animated series Phineas and Ferb concluded it’s 8 year run run on The Disney Channel and on Disney X-D. Phineas and Ferb Wallpaper

For those who don’t know, Phineas and Ferb was created by Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh (who previously worked on Nickelodeon’s Rocko’s Modern Life) about a pair of step brothers who would regularly find fun things to do while on Summer vacation, all the while avoiding being told on by their teenage sister Candace and also featured the adventures the boys’ intelligent pet platypus Perry, who was a secret agent perpetually foiling an inept wanna be super villain named Dr. Doofenshmurtz.

Now, honestly, I could take or leave this show. There were some things that I liked about P&F and some things that I didn’t. Did the characters really have to sing in every single episode? I’d be OK with the occasional musical number now and again, but having a song in every episode was grating on the ol’ nerves!

The following isn’t going to be a retrospective on the show, but rather, this is a brief look at how we personally would have handled the premise of P&F, since we both feel that the idea behind P&F was better than the show itself. One thing that I liked about P&F was how the series was perpetually set during Summer vacation, as Dan and Swampy felt that the school setting had fallen into redundancy, so with that, let’s start by rejoicing in the endless summer…in October. Hit it, kiddies!

All right-y! Now then, time to flip that script!

Let’s start with the shows’ title characters, Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, I have nothing against these guys, but let’s face it; boy protagonists are a dime a dozen and there are already plenty of cartoons with boy protagonists. Also, while I do find the idea of a happy blended family with no drama attached to it to be a charming one, I have a slightly different idea in mind for these 2. We would….

...Make them a pair of twins! Everyone who regular visits this sites knows that we love our twins here. For the record, we could have made them identical twins as well, but just so we won't have to keep switching back and fourth throughout this thing (keep in mind that we are lazy!), let's just go with this setup.

…Make them a pair of twins! Everyone who regularly visits this site knows that we love our twins here. For the record, we could have made them identical twins as well, but just so we won’t have to keep switching back and fourth throughout this thing (keep in mind that we are lazy!), let’s just go with this setup.

Just to keep things rolling along smoothly, let’s name our titular duo Jelly and Jam, so we won’t have to keep calling them “This One” and “That One” throughout this article. It’s certainly more complimentary than Thing 1 and Thing 2. (FTR, Jelly is the girl and Jam is the boy. Got it? Good). Moving on…

Jelly and Jam are child prodigies, kid geniuses with a combined I.Q. of 400 (200 for each twin). They get bored easily and as such, they’re always looking for something fun to do while home from school during the summer. In fact, they could have a Summer Fun list, which they would look through and check off in many episodes.

Jelly typically holds on to the list, though she has an idetic memory. Jam's not crazy about writing things down, feeling that's

Jelly typically holds on to the list, though she has an eidetic memory. She just loves doodling and checking things off; she draws the checks in fancy fonts and colors. Jam’s not crazy about writing things down, feeling that’s “so analog”. He prefers texting.

Just to keep things interesting, here are some interesting factoids about each twin:

JELLY: Residing in a big house in Barnacle Bay. Jelly loves cartoons (the loonier, the better), tank tops, sunny days, sweet treats, standing on her head, going barefoot and advanced mathematics (Yeah, you heard right!). Favorite Color: Poppy Red. She's obsessed with her awesome hair and dislikes cold weather and baked beans!

JELLY: Residing in a big house in Barnacle Bay. Jelly loves tank tops, sunny days, sparkles, rainbows, martial arts, standing on her head, going barefoot and advanced mathematics (yeah, you heard right!) Favorite color: berry pink. She’s obsessed with having fun and dislikes cold weather and beaked beans!

Also, Jelly regularly wears colorful tops (sports a different one in nearly every episode) each with a different cutesy decal on it. Can you guess that I just plain like that idea?

 

Mabel Pines sweater closet 2

JAM - Hails from his bedroom in a big house in Barnacle Bay. Sk8s and shreds every free moment he gets. Loves snack cakes, techie toys, skateboarding, lanyards, duckies and Jam shorts. Favorite color: baby blue. Favorite music: techno. He takes his skateboard to bed with him, can tie a knot with his toes and wants to get braces so he can have bling-bling on his teeth!

JAM – Hails from his bedroom in a big house in Barnacle Bay. Sk8s every free moment he gets. Loves to try out the latest techie toys when he’s not Gleaming the Cube, shredding waves, playing soccer or just being dirty and stinky. His favorite possession is his skateboard which has a Turbo Jet and Hover Mode–Awesome!

True to his name, one of Jam’s shticks is that he’s almost always seen wearing Jam shorts.

Jam Shorts

“Hey. Nice pants!”

Moving on to the supporting cast: Jelly and Jam are brilliant children, but they’re still and still prone to impulsive, immature behavior. As such, they need to be supervised. The last time they were left at home alone, they filled their entire bathroom with whipped cream and then teleported the house to planet Saturn! Keeping a watchful eye on the twins are their quirky but likable parents. Once again, I’m going to list both of them together in order to prevent either one of them become more prominent than the other.

stock-photo-businesswoman-and-stay-in-home-father-137711705

Let’s go with the “businesswoman and stay-at-home father” shtick. It’s cute and it’ll be good for the whole “female empowerment” thing.

 

As for the Candace character, she isn’t necessarily a needed character. However, we could keep such a character around, although she wouldn’t be trying to bust her younger siblings in every episode, nor would there be any shipper drama with her and Jeremy. She could mention a boyfriend, but said boyfriend would be mostly off screen. Basically, she’d mostly just be there to roll her eyes, snark on little brother and sister and provide some of that good old fashioned fan service.

Aisha2

BOM-CHIKA-WOW-WOW!

What about Perry the Platypus? We’re glad we pretended you asked.

Perry_the_platypus_by_sarrel-d3gvo02

You probably thought we were going to drop Perry, right? But no. He’s popular with fans, and he’s such a uniquely bizarre idea that he’s earned his place on the show. The alterations we’d make to Perry are really only tweaks. He’d still do the Agent P shtick, just not in every episode, and he wouldn’t face off against the same guy every time, ’cause that’s repetitive and kind of weak. When Perry isn’t saving the free world, he spends his time getting dressed up by the twins (and Jam enjoys doing this too–yay, progression!) or being used as a guinea pig in their kooky experiments.

So we keep the twins (obviously!). We keep the parents. We keep the pet and (maybe) keep the teenage sister, but the rest of the P&F cast – gone! P&F has an pluarity of unnecessary characters and we’d definitely like to thin out the herd. No more Fireside Girls (if one of the twins is a girl, there’s our girl quotient right there). No more Buford. No more Bajeet, and definitely lose Jeremy’s little sister, (obnoxious brat). the twins will have friends when they need to have friends, but they don’t need to have a gang, per se.

However, just for laughs, lets throw in a grouchy, creepy, easily annoyed neighbor character to serve as a foilf for the twins?

“Get off my @#!!! lawn!”

This guy could be annoyed by the twins antics and would often complain about having to live near them. You blow up someone’s car a couple of times and suddenly they have a problem with you!

The basic premise of the show wouldn’t be all that different: our 2 leads pick a “super fun, super cool” activity to do from their Summer Fun list (ex: transforming their wading pool into water park/island resort, traveling into space, creating the latest summer blockbuster movie, making a burger the size of a parking lot, etc.) and put their plan into action. The difference would be that things don’t always go smoothly for our kid duo; they sometimes overestimate the scale of their plans or they’ll struggle or squabble or get distracted by something else. They also wouldn’t succeed every time, which would keep them relatable.

To assist in the ventures, each twin would be armed with their own super high-tech tablet, each with a ton of improbable apps on them.

These apps would be capable of such feats as: f=emitting fireballs, lightning blasts, sonic booms, GPS, enabling flight, super speed and oh, yeah, email.

These apps would be capable of such feats as: emitting fireballs, lightning blasts, sonic booms, creating 3-dimensional holographic illusions, enabling flight, super speed, bringing video game power-ups to life for use in the real word…and oh, yeah, email.

The twins would hatch their crazy schemes from their tree house, which they have dubbed Treehouse Awesome.

Said tree house would house the twins science lab, a skateboard ramp, a hard light rainbow slide, and would even be capable of travel, including through space and underwater. It would house numerous dimensions; despite its' small exterior, it would have an implausibly massive interior. Think the TARDIS meets Snoopy's dog house.

Said tree house would house the twins science lab, a skateboard ramp, a teleporter, a hard light rainbow slide, and would even be capable of travel, including through space and underwater. It would house numerous dimensions; despite its’ small exterior, it would have an implausibly massive interior. Think the TARDIS meets Snoopy’s dog house.

In a nutshell, that would be our take on Phineas & Ferb. There’s nothing else to say, so let’s celebrate the summer…in October. KICK IT!

Cartoon Country: Flipping the Script – Chowder

It’s script-flipping time again! Today the show we’ll be giving the business to is C.H. Greenblatt’s Chowder.

Chowder 2

How would I fix/improve/mutate Chowder? Let’s start with the title character….

girl-chef-with-a-hot-dish-f

I’d make the titular character a human, specifically a girl human. There’s no reason for the character to be an anthro, and boy-centric shows are all over the tube.

I’d also infuse the lead character with a touch more gray matter. As an apprentice chef, she shouldn’t be perfect, she should still be a touch scatterbrained and bumble from time to time, but she wouldn’t be portrayed as Too Stupid to Live. For that matter, there’s also no real reason for her to be an orphan, let’s make her guardians Mung Daal and Truffles her actual parents. Speaking of…

For the Mung Daal, no major surgery is needed; just make him younger, less of a grotesque and less of a Lothario. He wouldn't need to have such a roving eye after the changes being made to Truffles...

For the Mung Daal character, no major surgery is needed; just make him younger, less of a grotesque and less of a Lothario. He wouldn’t need to have such a roving eye after the changes being made to Truffles…

Truffles could retain some of her original sass and sharpness, but she'd definitely be kinder, gentler and more maternal. The abrasive grouch shtick just wasn't doing it for me. Even Greenblatt realized that a little Truffles went a long way, so he relegated the character to only turning up occasionally in the later episodes of the series.

Truffles could retain some of her original sass and sharpness, but she’d definitely be kinder, gentler and more maternal. The abrasive grouch shtick just wasn’t doing it for me. Even Greenblatt realized that a little Truffles went a long way, so he relegated the character to only turning up occasionally in the later episodes of the series.

Other changes:

The lead characters would still work at a catering company, but I'd place a greater emphasis on sweets and desserts, 'cause who doesn't love desserts?

The lead characters would still work at a catering company, but I’d place a greater emphasis on sweets and desserts, ’cause who doesn’t love desserts?

  • Only the central characters who work at the catering company would be named after foods, sweets, desserts and dishes, not everybody in the entire freaking universe. That was just overkill.
  • Greenblatt’s original idea was for the show to be about a sorcerer’s apprentice; while I do like that idea, I also like the culinary shtick too and don’t want to lose that, so I’d combine the 2 (go with me on this): in this universe artists, chefs and other creative/talented types would function as the wizards and mages of this world, with their particular crafts, skills and talents serving as their “magic”. These talents would also enable these gifted individuals to perform some light magic, like telekinesis, matter transformation, etc. Odd, but I think it could work.
  • There would be a greater emphasis on the lead characters’ filling food orders, cooking, preparing recipes and hunting/searching for ingredients. Not that that has to be dominating force of each and every episode, but it is the principal premise of the show, and I feel it was abandoned far too soon and too greatly in the later episodes.
  • I’d do away with the all of the other apprentice characters on the show. If every kid in Marzipan City is somebody’s apprentice, then there’s nothing special about Chowder.
  • Endive would still be around, but I’d make her rivalry with Mung less personal and make her more of a Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Squidward Tentacles type character: a pompous jerk who regularly receives her come-uppance. And I’d definitely tone down her man-hungry libido.
  • Lose Panini. She could have been a decent girl character had the writers not opted to crank her up to full-blown one-dimensional stalker mode. Besides, with the Chowder character now being a girl, there’s no need for her character.
  • I’d keep Gazpacho around with no real changes made to him, except I’d keep his appearances brief and only use him when he’s called for. I wouldn’t shamelessly shoehorn the character into every single episode.
  • I’d greatly tone down on the breaking-the-4th-wall jokes and meta references. I’m generally not a fan of excessive 4th wall breaking because it kills tension if the characters know what’s going to happen, thus ruining any surprise. It also breaks suspension of disbelief by calling attention to the fact that it’s just a cartoon/work of fiction and therefore the audience can’t or shouldn’t get emotionally involved with anything that’s happening.
  • Lose Reuben. I’m a fan of Paul Reubens, but I never liked Reuben.

Finally, what about Shnitzel?

I wouldn’t change anything about him. Shnitzel’s fine the way he is. No need to fix something that isn’t broken.

Shnitzel

The rock monster stays in the picture!

Cartoon Country: Teen Force in “Word Star”

Today’s Cartoon Country is about the Teen Force.

Number 1 in tha hood, G!

Number 1 in tha hood, G!

-Ah, no. That’s the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Not surprised about the confusion, though; every time I’ve searched for this topic on the interwebz, these guys have come up.

No, the subject of today’s Cartoon Country are in fact the Teen Force, one of the regular segments from Hanna-Barbera’s Space Stars (1981-1982), one of the many, many attempts by the Alphabet Networks (ABC, CBS and NBC) to bring Star Wars to Saturday morning in the late 70’s through early 80’s.

In space, no one can hear you smell like Teen Spirit.

In space, no one can hear you smell like Teen Spirit.

You might have encountered these shorts on Boomerang, or rather you could if they were still showing old HB toons from the Turner/Time-Warner vault and not just spamming us with episodes of Teen Titans GO! and The Amazing World of Gumball, neither of which belong there and are already airing first-run on Cartoon Network.

'BOOOOMERAAAAANNNGG!

‘BOOOOMERAAAAANNNGG!”

Teen Force focused on three superhuman young teenagers who hail from an unknown alternate universe which is located beyond the confines of the mysterious Black Hole X, which serves as a gateway into the universe in which the other main characters from Space Stars exist. Each episode would typically begin and end with our titular teen team jetting in and out of Black Hole X on their souped up space scooters.

Cool bikes, huh??

Cool bikes, huh??

One thing I never got: how the heck were they able to go in and out of a black hole as if it were just a screen door?

“Perhaps Black Hole X is not in actuality a black hole at all, but rather a rare space anomaly knows as a WHITE HOLE, a reverse black hole which returns time and matter back into the universe, or maybe it’s a WORMHOLE, an inter-dimensional gateway between vast distances in space, enabling travelers to traverse intergalactic distances in mere moments.”

“Magic. Got it.”

The Teen Force consists of:

Kid Comet, who possesses tremendous levels of superhuman speed, enabling him move at speeds exceeding the speed of light, and can even move quickly enough to travel through time. Zoom-zoom. Also, he occasionally dated Space Ghost’s sidekick and twin sister of Jace, Jan.

BOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!

BOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!

Moleculad, who can control his molecular structure for various effects. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to this guy. When I was a kid, I thought Moleculad was lame because I originally though all he could do was transform into a mass of random molecules, Big Whoop, but after re-watching some of these shorts, I realized he could do other things, like in one instance he rearranged his molecules to morph himself into a lookalike of Elektra and in the episode we’ll be discussing here, he rearranges the molecules of a common rock to resemble a precious stone. So sorry for calling you wack earlier, guy.

And Elektra, who possesses the psionic disciplines of telepathy, telekenesis, and teleportation.

“Copycat!”

Accompanying them are a pair of diminutive blue-skinned aliens named Plutem and Glax, also known as the Astromites. TRIVIA TIME: Glax and Plutem’s bleep-bloop-blip dialogue was provided by Police Academy‘s Michael Winslow.

What exactly, were these 2, anyway? They looked roughly humanoid, rode ther own cycles and wore clothes, yet they didn't talk, had no powers and were often lumped alongside Blip, Gloop, Gleep and the other pets on the show. Were they sapient beings, the Teen Force's pets, or what?

What exactly, were these 2, anyway? They looked roughly humanoid, rode ther own cycles and wore clothes, yet they didn’t talk, had no powers and were often lumped alongside Blip, Gloop, Gleep and the other pets on the show. Were they sapient beings, the Teen Force’s pets, or what?

“They were wannabes, that’s what they were. Yours truly is the Cadillac of goofy comic relief sidekicks!”

Their principal enemy in the series is Uglor, a mutant native and tyrannical ruler of the planet Uris (whose inhabitants are a race of evolved simians) in Galaxy Q-2. Uglor’s mutancy granted him bird-like wings and the ability to generate destructive energy blasts from his bionic eyes, which allowed him to see through Space Ghost’s Inviso Power and Elektra’s telepathic illusions.

Even by mutant alien ape standards, this guy was no looker.

Even by mutant alien ape standards, this guy was no looker.

The episode of Teen Force we’ll be examining today is the short “Word Star”. (No, that’s not something from The Electric Company.) I’d like to show you the short itself, but unfortunately it’s not currently available for viewing. It was on YouTube for a time, but during the time I was researching for this article, it got taken down from there.

“YOOOOU TUUUUUUBE!”

“Word Star” followed a fairly typical formula: Uglor discovers the existence of the Word Star, an all-powerful McGuffin which enables anyone who possesses it basically do anything, and naturally he wants to get his grimy monkey paws on it. The Teen Force naturally intervene to stop that from happening. After some back-and-forth (including Moleculad slipping Uggs a fake by shifting the molecules of an ordinary rock–that nifty trick I listed above), the Teens succeed in snagging the Word Star away from Ol’ Ugly. Then they do the same thing that so many heroes have done in so many other shows: when faced with the prospect of ridding the universe of Uglor once and for all, say by blasting him to his component atoms or shrinking him down to the size of a bug and going clog-dancing or sucking him into an empty beer can and sealing it shut, they opt not to do it, on the grounds that, say it with me now: “If we did that, we’d be no better than him.”

Gag me with a space spoon!

Gag me with a space spoon!

Yeah, yeah, I know heroes have to walk a fine line, that they have to set a good example for the kiddos at home and all that good stuff, but I get so tired of that cliche. Maybe it’s me, but I would’ve rather seen it end this way:

“If you use the Word Star to vanquish your foes, young ones, you’ll be no better than Uglor.”

“Works for us!”

“We’re awesome. Now who wants monkey brains?”

-END OF EPISODE-

-Hey, a fella can dream, can’t he?

Cartoon Country/Talkin’ Nerdy: Brian Griffin & Toucan Sam — Deconstructed

In the Family Guy episode “The Thin White Line”, there was a cutaway gag in which family dog Brian is shown auditioning for the role of spokesman for Fruit Loops cereal; seated next to him is of course ‘Toucan Sam’. Then there’s the following exchange (NOTE: It’s been a while since I’ve seen the episode, so I may not get all the words verbatim):

family-guy-brian-and-tucan-sam

Sam: (reading lines) “Follow your nose”. “Follow your nose”.

Brian: Is that, uh, really how you’re gonna do it?

Sam: Is that wrong?

Brian: “No, it’s fine, I just didn’t think you were going to go so, uh, ‘cartoony’ with it.

Sam: Well, how were you going to do it?

Brain: I was going to do it, good, like an actor, but your way’s good too.

-Amusing, but my inner nerd has to address a few points here:

  1. Why is Brian surprised that Toucan Sam is taking a cartoony approach to the role, when the ads are flipping CARTOONS?
  2. Regarding the “like an actor” line, I’d like to point out something: Toucan Sam’s voice and mannerisms are pattered after one Ronald Colman.

Ronald Colman.3

For those who don’t know, Mr. Colman, was, wait for it….an ACTOR. He was a British leading man of primarily American films, and one of the great stars of the Golden Age. His film credits include Lost Horizon (1937), Random Harvest (1942), The Prisoner of Zenda (1947) and A Tale of Two Cities (1935). So Toucan Sam is reading his lines like an actor, a famous one at that.

So while I normally love a good wacky spot gag, this one has too many inaccuracies for it to work for me. Sorry, FG writers, but for not doing your homework, you receive the label of…..

Better luck next time!

Better luck next time!

Cartoon Country: Johnny Test in “Johnny’s Big Snow Job”

Today Cartoon Country looks at the season 1 Johnny Test episode, “Johnny’s Big Snow Job”. The plot: it’s winter time in Porkbelly, and Johnny, being the Totally Rad Dude (TM) that he is, wants a snow day so he can snowboard and slack off from school, but the town is instead in the midst of an unseasonable heat wave. So as always he turns to his much more appealing and interesting genius twin sisters, Susan and Mary, to whip up a snow making machine. They do, Johnny overdoes it as usual, and wackiness ensues.

OK, time for the nitpicks:

1. In the middle of the story, after the machine goes haywire, Johnny remarks that he and his family have been trapped indoors for a month. A month?? Yeah, even by cartoon logic I have to call BS on that. I live on the East Coast and I’ve unfortunately been snowed in during my share of winters; most people are climbing the walls after 2 days, but these guys are just nonchalantly chillaxing at home after being trapped inside for a month? No. By Day 30 it should be like Lord of the Flies in there.

2. Notice anything missing in that scene? Where the smeg was their mom, Lila? Yeah, I know part of her character’s shtick is that she’s “super busy” and all that, but come on. They’ve all been buried under several feet of snow. The dad Hugh said that the entire town had run out of food. If that were truly the case, then all non-essential businesses would be closed. No way would Lila be off having a normal day at work in the middle of a Snowpocalypse. And if she somehow were able to tunnel her way out to go to work, then they could just travel to the next nearby town and get some freaking food! How hard would it have been for the artists to simply draw Lila at the table with the rest of the family? Even if Kathleen Barr wasn’t available to voice the character, the writers could have acknowledged her existence, given the extraordinary circumstances. That was just lazy. (Unless the family resorted to cannibalism and ate Lila somewhere around day 15, and I can’t believe that for a second; if they really were going to resort to that, then Johnny would logically be the first one to go into the pot.)

That aside, “Johnny’s Big Snow Job” was fairly entertaining, by Johnny Test standards, anyway. Some of the gags were pretty amusing, like the weatherman plugging a sports drink in the middle of his broadcast or the montage where Johnny and Dukey are begging the twins to make it snow (the fact that you got to see Susan and Mary in swimsuits didn’t hurt either), and this was a season 1 episode, back when the show was still a co-production between Teletoon and Warner Bros., so the animation was pretty decent.

And it was all downhill from there.

And it was all downhill from there.