Nerdvana: I Wanna Be a Lifeguard

Hi, there, buckaroos!

We just wanted to let you guys know that we’re still out there. I know that we haven’t posted anything in about a week, but dumb things have been happening in real life and we haven’t had as much time to devote to this site as we’d like. Nonetheless, we’re both working on new material and I promise that we’ll be back…with a vengeance!

In the meantime, let’s continue with the summer vibing. This is one of our favorite summertime jams, courtesy of the band Blotto. As I recall, my first ever exposure to this song was on the short lived Nickelodeon series with the memorable title of Turkey Television. It’s ridiculous, but incredibly catchy and impossible to forget once you listen to it, and it remains one of the coolest surf rock tunes that I’ve ever heard. Enjoy “I Wanna Be a Lifeguard”:

Nerdvana: Sweet ‘Droid O’Mine- The Sequel

In an earlier Nerdvana, we chronicled Android’s dessert themed OS names, leading up to Android M, Marshmallow.

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But what of Android’s newest OS, the mysterious Android N?

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After some deliberation, Android has decided on…(Drum roll, please)

Nougat.

Anrdoid Nougat

Mmm, mmm, good!

Other choices, such as Nutter Butter, Nutella and Nan Khati were all considered…

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Someone even suggested Nerds (as in the candy).

 

Nerds Candy

But come on. A technology OS called Nerds??

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AAAH-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

….Waaay too obvious.

 

Nerdvana: One Night in Bangkok

Today’s Nerdvana is my favorite song from the musical Chess, as performed by Murray Head. I first saw this video on TBS’s Night Tracks and it’s stuck with me ever since. This song calls to my mind Casablanca, the Indiana Jones movies and my favorite line from author Raymond Chandler, “The night left a check that the morning couldn’t cash”. Here’s “One Night in Bangkok”.

Nerdvana: Our Favorite Fictional Aliens

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Today Nerdvana pays tribute to one of our favorite tropes in fiction: space aliens, those guests of ours from beyond the stars.

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Today we’ll be listing some our favorite fictional Visitors from Beyond. First, some ground rules:

  1. These won’t be in any particular order, so we won’t be numbering them.
  2. We’re only talking about friendly aliens here; not the would-be world conquering kind…

…Or the human abducting and probing kind.

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“Now understand, human, that we derive no pleasure from this procedure. This is purely for scientific research. That said, is it OK if my buddies here watch?”

Now that we’ve gotten the preliminaries out of the way,

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LET’S ROCKET!

STARFIRE

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Jason’s favorite Teen Titan, and who am I to argue? Starfire was and still remains one of our all-time favorite alien characters. She’s a golden orange skinned princess from a species of interplanetary hippies who naturally absorb sunlight and are fueled by their emotions, who can fire heat-and-light energy blasts from her hands thanks to experimentation by a race of scientist shnooks called the Psions, possesses the strength of 7 humans, can naturally fly and absorb language through epidermal contact, i.e., kissing.

DCSHG Starfire 1

Baby, you can learn colloquialisms from me anytime!

J’ONN J’ONZZ AND M’GANN M’ORZZ (aka Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian)

Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian

The stars from Mars. They’re from the same planet, belong to the same race (technically Megan is a White martian, but why split hairs?), have the same power sets and M’gann is J’onn’s niece, so we’re listing them together. Martian Manhunter was my favorite character on the CN Justice League show. I like the Martian’s power set: strength, flight, invisibility, intangibility, telepathy, metamorphosis and sometimes telekinesis (MM has been referred to as ‘the Swiss Army Knife of Superheroes’ for good reason); over the years he’s had more powers than a toad has warts, but good producers have modified them to decent effect for a good balance…

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…Plus the dude rocks an awesome costume!

As for Miss Martian, imagine Martian Manhunter as a cute, perky teenager. The freckles are a nice touch.

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I like how Miss Martian’s costume is a cuter, more feminine variation of J’onn’s. Kind of looks like a super sailor suit.

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Cute green alien girl in a bikini? Yes, please! Captain Kirk would approve.

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Bonus: the DC Super Hero Girls’ version of Megan is super-shy around anyone else besides fellow alien student Starfire. She squeals and goes invisible whenever anyone talks to her. Awwww.

QUANTUM RAY

Quantum Ray

He’s here and he’s Quantum!

The show Cosmic Quantum Ray wasn’t around for very long, but I dug this guy while it was. A delightfully daffy super guy from the 9th dimension who can lift a chunk of building over his head, detach his body parts due to being held together by some cosmic mucilage that we mere 3rd dimensional beings can’t see, can fly through space, transform his molecules into any organic substance from steely steel to anti-matter and exist in 6 other dimensions simultaneously. In this photo, Ray just happens to standing in front of a 7th dimensional kielbasa stand.

SUPERMAN AND SUPERGIRL

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The Man and Girl of Steel, respectively. Like the Martians, they have the same planet of origin and the same powers, so we’re listing them together. Kryptonians rock, plain and simple. Superman is one of the greatest super aliens of all time…

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…And Kara has all that, plus Barbie blond hair and an exposed midriff. (No, a bare belly doesn’t make sense to fight crime with, but Kara’s bulletproof so no big deal.)

Now some people feel that the Kryptonians aren’t so great. they think that Supey is a boy scout, that they’re too powerful, that they’re boring and lame, etc. Now those people are entitled to their opinions of course, but in actuality, well, I’ll let Dr. Cox field this one:

 

MARS (Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls)

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Yet another green skinned Martian, this time with antennae! Mars has always been one of my favorite Galaxy Girls. It’s cool how Lauren Faust chose to represent Mars as a classic green alien (Ms. Faust must like 1950’s sci-fi kitsch too). her symbol is a flying saucer (nice!) and she’s a wacky modern artist who’s not afraid to get her oddball on. As weirdo artists ourselves, we stand by you, baby.

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Words to live by.

THE WONDER TWINS

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They’re twins. They’re named after Tarzan (Zan) and Jane (Jayna). Zan’s got the ‘tude and Jayna’s got the sass. Their pointy ears were inspired by Mr. Spock. They can touch and morph into any form of water or any animal, respectively. They’re alien versions of Donny and Marie Osmond. The eat CDs. They get to hang with the Super Friends. Plus they have a blue space monkey which they received as a gift from a space clown. ‘Nuff said.

YANCY ROBERTS (Out of Jimmy’s Head)

Yancy Roberts

The sassy green teleporting space alien sister of the kid who has cartoons in his head, who was adopted by his astronaut mom. OOJH was a train wreck to be sure, but even though this plot point had nothing to do with the show’s premise, Yancy was one of the best parts of OOJH. I guess you can tell that we like our green teens here.

WASHU HAKUBI

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Tenchi Muyo!‘s resident Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe! Washu’s either an intergalactic mad scientist, Ryoko and Ryo-Oki’s creator, a goddess who chooses to employ technology instead of her natural powers and stay in child form or all of the above, and she’s all kinds of awesome. Anybody who can create a doomsday device and a dimensional portal with a star-shaped door is A-OK in our books.

-And now, some Honorable Mentions:

MR. SPOCK (Star Trek)

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Everybody’s favorite half-human, half-Vulcan science officer. To not include Spock would be illogical.

STARLEE HAMBRATH (TMNT Fast Forward)

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Cody Jones’ blue skinned, pointy-eared alien intern. She has no powers, but like Washu she’s a genius (Starlee’s race, the Omatronians, possess twice the brain capacity of humans), plus she rolls around her lab on roller skates, so maybe she’s an honorary Galaxy Girl.

THE CAT (Red Dwarf)

The Cat

Oooooooooooooooooowwwww!

OK, maybe this isn’t a conventional choice, but he belongs to a different race and he was born in space, so I’m counting him. Deal. Who doesn’t like The Cat? He’s a stitch! Delightfully vain and shallow, with a fashion sense even more outrageous than Mars. What’s his special power?

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Lookin’ NICE!

ATEE & GEECEE (Cosmic Quantum Ray)

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Two more crew members from Cosmic Quantum Ray (technically 1, since they hail from a planet where everyone’s a twin and therefore count as a single crew member). Another set of alien twins, these 2 possessing the powers to create super-strong, super-elastic DNA strands. Atee (the one in pink) is sweet, while Geecee (the one in baby blue) is sassy. Plus they’re pilots with the need…the need for warp speed.

COLONEL BLEEP

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OK, the propeller on top of his helmet serves no purpose since there’s no air in space and the unicycle is kind of dorky, but we can’t help but like an alien ambassador who comes from a planet called Futura (so what did they call it in the past?), lives on an island located at exactly zero degrees longitude and zero degrees latitude and possesses ‘Futomic Energy’ which can conjure up a house in seconds.

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Plus he has a mute cowboy puppet and a caveman as his running crew, or flying crew to be more accurate.

So there you have it, our favorite fictional super advanced space aliens. Let’s just assume that they are super-advanced; after all, if they can get here, then they’re already more advanced than we are.

Great Gazoo

A Squared plus B Squared equals C Squared, Dum-dums!

Nerdvana: The Future Rocks!

Today, I’m going to be discussing one of my favorite settings in fiction, the future!

FutureCity-1

Now, there are typically two types of futuristic settings; a utopian future where everything is good, and the dystopian future where everything sucks. On a side note, I still haven’t seen Mad Max: Fury Road, although people have told me that it’s good. I’ll have to see that movie sometime, but since I don’t like focusing on bleak and dark things, I’m only going to be talking about the former here. That said…

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Into the time machine!

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“Here we go!”

Fast Forward button

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“Welcome to Cyber City, 3000 AD. We’ve cured all known diseases. There’s no more war, pollution or poverty. All of the world’s nations have merged into one. 75 is middle aged. People stop aging physically after age 25, so everyone is young and hot, and candy is good for you.”

La Bamba 3000

“In the year 3000…in the year 3000…”

Planet Earth has since become the great galactic melting pot (save for Mars, which is similar to how Canada used to be). Racial prejudice isn’t really a thing anymore thanks to gene splicing being legalized.

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“I’m a wildcat! RAWR!”

The dominant human race on Earth is now Polypolaisan, a new race that’s developed after centuries of interracial mixing and breeding. Not surprisingly, the women of this race are…

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“…SMOKIN’!!”

Future Sim City 2

Cyber City is a cosmopolis, taking up an entire 1/6 of the Earth’s surface. Despite it being highly technologically advanced, there are numerous trees, plants, grass and wildlife, all interwoven into the city’s structure and architecture. This is partly because over the millenia, mankind has learned to care for and nurture their Mother Earth, and also because defacing or polluting the ecosystem in any way shape or form, from littering to graffiti, is punishable by death. And yes, this law is strictly enforced.

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“PROTECT THE ENVIRONMENT, OR I’LL %#$@ING KILL YOU!!

Let’s just take a moment to look at some of the things that Star Trek predicted which the show got right:

Star Trek communicator

flip phones and bluetooth…

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…and of course, green women being hot.

World Peace has been achieved a while ago, largely due to the machinations of the planet’s first hyper-intelligent gorilla ambassador.

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“You’re welcome!”

Since war has long since been abolished, disputes are now settled via government sanctioned giant robot battles. Not only do these robo-battle competitions spare thousands of innocent lives, but they also score huge TV ratings.

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Coke VS Pepsi II: This Time It’s Personal. Only on Pay-Per-View!

In the year 3000, planet Earth has state of the art cutting edge technology…

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“How is Windows 3000 like a maximum security prison? It’s always locking up! Waka-waka-waka!”

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Quantum computers are as commonplace as refrigerators, and cost nearly the same. (The one in this photo is actually the size of a paperweight.) Not only do they run thrice as fast as 21st century computers, but they’re better suited for surfing the Ultranet.

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The Ultranet. The thing that replaced the thing that replaced the internet.

Also, scientists discovered magic to be an actual form of energy in 2103. Once they were able to harness and control it, magic (or mana or Etherium, as it’s now called) was added to the Periodic Table of Elements the following year.

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It’s the only element on the Periodic Table whose valence is an imaginary number.

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Nowadays, magic is officially a branch of science, and as a result sorcerers and LARPers have since joined the fraternity of technogeeks.

Anime Witches

In the 31st century, girls are way into STEAMM: Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, Mathematics and Magic. It’s cool to be smart!

Jetsons Flying Cars

Flying cars? Yeah, we’ve got those.

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As well as picturesque structures.

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Say, have you ever noticed how we never saw the ground on The Jetsons? The buildings and structures were so high up, I’ve always figured that the ground looked something like this:

Post-Apocalyptic World

Maybe that’s just me.

Moving on…

Hoverboarding

Hoverboards? You bet (the real deal this time, not that phony crap that companies tried to pull back in 2015)! These hoverboards actually hover!

We’ve also got servile domestic robots called “servbots” to cater to your every need.

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“Good morning, sir. Your Belgian waffles and Canadian bacon breakfast is on the table. Also, you have 9 new emails. Shall I prepare the virtual sex room for you, sir?”

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“Hey! I’ve never helped anybody in my life and you know it!”

We all get our information from the Ultranet, the thing that replaced the thing that replaced the internet.

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“And with state of the art inter-dimensional portal technology (which I invented, thank you very much), everybody has plenty of closet space!”

Colonel Sanders has been cloned in order to ensure that chicken remains finger lickin’ good!

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“Colonel Sanders the 35th here. 3 chicken tenders/taters ‘n’ gravy/I’ll toss in a biscuit/and a big ol’ cookie!”

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Cows, on the other hand, have gone extinct. Victims of their own deliciousness.

I could probably mention Disney’s Phil of the Future here,

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…but I’ve seen a few episodes, and the best thing about that show was some of the gadgets. I don’t know how a Dress Me Hoop works, but I want one.

In addition, in the year 3000 Earth has long since made contact with extra terrestrial life, largely due to Earth joining the Democratic Order of Planets (DOOP).

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After 2 very polite rejection letters, Earth was finally admitted into DOOP in 2772, not for developing the Faster Than Light Speed (FTL) propulsion drive, the rest of the galaxy already had that, but for finally cracking the formula to make banana flavored soda.

Humans regularly interact with aliens (although the Politically Correct term for them is “Space People”). Some aliens have even set up permanent lodgings on Earth. The only stipulation is that they be registered and make a pledge to never try to conquer the planet or enslave the populace under threat of being deported, or worse, have to fill out dozens of paperwork.

Chameloen Boy

“Dude, the only thing that I’m interested in conquering is Nintendo’s ‘Punch-Out!!’. I’ve been stuck on Bald Bull forever!”

Even though I have yet to write a decent comedy series with the distant future as a setting, I still love it. Futuristic sci-fi tech is just a different take on magic, when you really think about it. Both enable one to do the impossible, you’re just doing it by pushing some buttons instead waving a wand.

Mirror Match

On a final note, if you’re going to travel through time, try to avoid running into yourself, because that would be really awkward.