Here it is, 2013, and still the only way stand-up comics and the writers of Robot Chicken can think of to make Aquaman funny is to chortle, “Hur-hur. Aquaman’s lame. He’s a pansy who can’t fight, and his only superpower is talking to fish.” Seriously? The character has gone through numerous revamps and reboots, and people are still harping on the “Aquaman is useless” trope?? I get that many people base their opinion on Aquaman on the way he was portrayed on the old Super Friends TV show, where they downplayed his super-strength since they wanted Superman to be known as the strong one, and of course BS&P wouldn’t allow his to brandish his trident because they apparently were worried about kids on the playground stabbing each other with tridents, and of course, NO Super Friend could ever be shown punching anyone who could bruise, bleed or punch back. But come on, Super Friends was 40 years ago. Get current. Learn a new tune, already!
FTR, here’s a list of Aquaman’s current abilities:
Aquaman’s most widely recognized power is the telepathic ability to communicate with marine life, which he can summon from great distances. Although this power is most often and most easily used on marine life, Aquaman has at times demonstrated the ability to affect any being that lives upon the sea (e.g., sea eagles), or even any being evolved from marine life (e.g., humans). As per the 2011 DC continuity reboot, Aquaman’s telepathy has been greatly downplayed: acknowledging that most marine life doesn’t possess enough intelligence to carry a meaningful telepathic communication, Aquaman is now stated to simply add compulsions and needs in the mindset of aquatic life, compelling them to do his bidding by a subtle altering of their midbrain.
Aquaman has a number of superhuman powers, most of which derive from the fact that he is adapted to live in the depths of the ocean. He has the ability to breathe underwater. He possesses superhuman durability high enough to remain unaffected by the immense pressure and the cold temperature of the ocean depths, this also makes him tough enough to be invulnerable to machine gun fire. He also possesses superhuman strength. He can swim at very high speeds, capable of reaching speeds of 10,000 feet per second and can swim up Niagara Falls. He can see in near total darkness and has enhanced hearing granting limited sonar.
However, one point of interest regarding the Aquaman rhetoric can be found in the form of Aquaman’s sidekicks, the Aqualads, Garth (Tempest) and Kaldur’ahm.
In addition to possessing the usual string of Atlantean abilities, these stud-muffins can also perform acts of aquatic sorcery: making water constructs and weapons, forming water into ice and gaseous forms, etc. This begs the question: why didn’t DC just give all Atlanteans hydrokinetic powers from the get-go? If Aquaman and the other Atlanteans were water-based sorcerers, there may never have been the string of “Aquaman is lame” jokes.
Let’s move on to another water-based superhero who has received more than his fair share of abuse from comedians and cartoon writers: Zan of the Wonder Twins.
“Hello, ladies!”
***************
Like Aquaman, this guy has been the butt of jokes for decades now. The typical mode of thinking is, “Jayna’s power is cool since she can turn into animals, but Zan’s power is lame because he just turns into water”. Even the Twins’ parent company makes fun of Zan:
Come on, now. Are we all really that short-sighted? Let’s explore the true nature and extent of Zan’s power, shall we?
Zan can transform into water at any state (solid, liquid, gas) and add to his mass by incorporating water in his immediate area. In the case of becoming solid ice, he can also become any form he chooses, from a 5,000 foot humanoid ice giant to a cage for a criminal to complex machinery (such as a jet engine, as he did in the episode “Eruption”). He changes into a gelatinous form at one point. On another occasion, he transformed into liquid nitrogen. In addition, he can transform himself into atmospheric disturbances (usually very localized) involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, waterspout or a typhoon. In the comics, the Twins’ powers were more extensive and Zan could transform into things like ice monsters, hurricanes and demonic looking sentient whirlpools. Beaten by a sponge? I think not.
There are no useless characters; only writers who don’t or can’t think of formidable or creative ways to use them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Zan’s power. He just needs to be under the supervision of someone who can properly utilize it. Water can be unyielding, imposing and even deadly. The moon’s gravitational pull is controlled by the tides, lest we forget. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this water-wielder:
“Any moron with 2 working eyes can see that I’m not white. Got that, M. Night Shaymalan?”
As previously mentioned in Jason (Goldstar)’s Yogi’s Space Race review, a staple of Hanna-Barbera Studios was its’ employment of the “potpourri” show concept, namely gathering their vast and rather redundant library of star characters together in a single program, typically with them all involved in some group activity like a major sporting competition or celebrating some character’s First Christmas TM. I suppose to die-hard HB fans, these crossovers were considered the ultimate team-ups. But for folks like me, these characters were simply interchangeable; putting 20 of them on one program was like dawn of the Stepford Cartoons. One early example of the HB “potpourri” show was 1973’s Yogi’s Gang, which aired 16 half-hour episodes on ABC from September 8, 1973, to December 29, 1973 and was based on a TV movie from a year earlier called Yogi’s Ark Lark. For those who aren’t old codgers like me and weren’t around to experience this show, imagine if all of the characters from the Boomerang Zoo block appeared together in one show, suck out all of the fun and mix in the ham-handed PSA preachiness of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and The New Zoo Revue and you have the basic idea of what we had to endure back then.
Here’s the basic crux: In the TV movie Yogi’s Ark Lark (1972), a myriad of HB’s funny animal toon stars, specifically Atom Ant, Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy, The Hillbilly Bears, Hokey Wolf and Ding-A-Ling, Huckleberry Hound, Lambsy, Lippy the Lion & Hardy Har Har, Magilla Gorilla, Moby Dick (from Moby Dick and Mighty Mightor), Peter Potamus and So-So, Pixie and Dixie and Mr. Jinks, Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Looey, Ruff and Reddy, Sawtooth the Beaver (Rufus Ruffcut’s pet beaver from Wacky Races), Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole, Snagglepuss, Squiddly Diddly, Top Cat and his gang (Benny the Ball, Spook, Choo Choo, Fancy Fancy, and the Brain–not the lab mouse from Animaniacs who wants to take over the world!), Touché Turtle and Dum Dum, Wally Gator, Yakky Doodle & Chopper, Yogi Bear and Boo Boo and an unknown and unnamed dinosaur character (Phew! That’s was a long list, but no worries; since all of them contribute what is in essence a single character–they’re all basically same goofball–and as such I won’t need to delve into any of their ‘characters’ individually again and have no desire whatsoever to do separate reviews of any of their own respective cartoons, I won’t ever have to type it again) headed by Yogi, become concerned about the environment and pollution, and gather together at Jellystone Park to build a flying ship resembling Noah’s Ark with a propeller on top to find “The Perfect Place”, an environment free of of pollution, deforestation, and other forms of mankind’s despoilment. They are aided by Jellystone Park’s handyman, Mr. Smitty, and out of gratitude the gang decide to name the ship after him. The name ‘Smitty’s Houseboat’ is too long to paint on the ship’s bow, but Mr. Smitty’s first name just happens to be Noah, so they end up calling it ‘Noah’s Ark’. (Get it? How original and not at all pretentious!) Anyways, after journeying from everywhere from the Antarctic to the Sahara Desert to outer space (yes, really), the kid animals (Augie Doggie, Boo Boo, Baba Looey, Benny the Ball, Lambsy, Shag Rugg, Yakky Doodle–wait, since when are Boo-Boo, Baba Looey and Benny the Ball kids? I knew that they were short, but them being minors gives their “partnership” with their taller, adult animal partners a somewhat creepy vibe) get the idea that there is no “Perfect Place”, and that they should all simply go back home and clean up the messes that they were trying to get away from, since It’s Up To All Of Us TM. This decision is met with unanimous approval, and the animals all head for home to take pollution down to zero, and turn their home into “the Perfect Place.”
Nifty. Well, it would seem that these guys must suffer from short-term memory loss, since the following year they were back in that flying boat again, once more looking for a place free of pollution or crime and doin’ the righteous thing for an additional 16 episodes (really 15, as episode 16 was just a rebroadcast of Yogi’s Ark Lark, split into 2 parts. Here’s the opening:
-Now, I know what you younger folks are thinking: about Boo-Boo’s line in the 3rd verse:
…Yeah, Boo-Boo sang “The world be so bright and gay”; keep in mind this was 1973, back when ‘gay’ still meant ‘happy’. It was meant to have shiny, happy connotations, but of course hearing that line now, and then seeing that shot of the little side-stepping dance all those male cartoon characters are shown doing afterwards, it’s unintentionally hilarious. Moving on…
The show typically ran along the same basic lines. The ship, curiously now dubbed ‘Yogi’s Ark’ and now with Yogi at the helm (it’s never stated exactly what happened to Noah Smitty, or at what point Yogi assumed command, but I’m guessing you just might find something interesting at the bottom of the Hudson River chained to a block of cement) traverses the skies and lands somewhere where they run afoul of some loony would-be supervillain who is the embodiment of some human vice, bad habit or negative trait: Captain Swashbuckle Swipe, Smokestack Smog, Lotta Litter, the Envy Brothers, Mr. Hothead, Dr. Bigot (and his henchmen Professor Haggling and Professor Bickering), the Gossipy Witch of the West, J. Wantum Vandal, the Sheik of Selfishness, Commadore Phineas P. Fibber, I.M. Sloppy, Peter D. Cheater, Mr. Waste, Hilarious P. Prankster, and the Greedy Genie (think a dime store Legion of Doom, only not nearly as awesome). Typically these goons would masquerade as allies to the gang, only for our heroes to discover their true intentions by Act 3 (Gee, who would have thought a guy called DR. BIGOT would be bad news), and we the audience would get the basic Moral of the Week pounded into our heads with a sledgehammer: Don’t litter. Don’t play pranks on people. Don’t be envious. Don’t cheat. Don’t fib. Don’t be selfish. Don’t gossip. Don’t steal. Don’t be a hothead. Don’t vandalize. Don’t be wasteful. Don’t pollute. Don’t be sloppy. And above all, don’t expect your Saturday morning cartoons to be in any way fun or entertaining. The preachy moralizing this show did made Smokey the Bear and Woodsy Owl facepalm.
“Dude, seriously. Just give the message to the kids straight. Don’t be drama queens. Nobody likes to be preached to, especially on Saturday morning. And you just gotta love the irony of a bear who’s made a career out of swiping peoples’ pic-a-nic baskets telling people not to be greedy or selfish. Hypocrite much?”
“Remember, TV execs. Give a hoot. Don’t pollute the air waves with Politically Correct pap!”
Finally, why is Peter Potamus making that messed up face in the crow’s nest in the opening titles? Was he airsick? Did he just receive a vision of the future where Williams Street spoofs him on Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law? Or maybe he just came to the realization that he and his fellow HB toon stars were starring in a show in which they traveled the globe in a flying ark ramming pro-social values down kids’ collective throats. The world may never know.
A: One of them is a sinking ship, and the other one is the Titanic.
*********************************
There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that Cartoon Network’s hour long program block Cartoon Planet has since been expanded and is now running on Thursday afternoons as well as Friday nights. The bad news is that the block has since began to be less of a celebration of CN’s 20th Anniversary and has devolved into being mostly a dumping ground for old CN shows. Things picked up a little when CP began airing more recently canceled CN originals such as Secret Mountain Fort Awesome, Robotomy and The Problem Solverz (although CN kind of shot itself in the foot by running the same episode of Robotomy 2 weeks in a row), but those shows left the block just as suddenly and mysteriously as they came. Worse yet, CP has begun airing recent acquisitions such as Scaredy Squirrel and Almost Naked Animals, and even more curiously, CN has recently began airing entire episodes of WB’s MAD once per hour on the block (granted, each episode of MAD is only 15 minutes in length, but still…).
“What? Me on Cartoon Planet?”
****************************
This I personally don’t understand. Why run MAD as part of Cartoon Planet when MAD is still making new episodes and gets encores throughout the week? If CN is going to run MAD, then the network might as well start airing The Amazing World of Gumball, Regular Show, Adventure Time and Johnny Test during the block. Admittedly, I don’t typically hang out with Cartoon Network’s current target age demographic, so I have to ask; is MAD really that popular? Are the shows’ ratings really so strong? I knew that the show was doing well enough to stay on the air, but I didn’t think that MAD was anybody’s favorite CN show, the way that Regular Show and Adventure Time are. It’ could simply be that one of the Big Brass at Cartoon Network is just a huge fan of MAD. After all, that’s the only reason why Cowboy Bebop ended up airing on Adult Swim. I’m going to quote my twin brother Damon (Silverstar) here, as the following is his take on MAD airing as part of Cartoon Planet, so as the following are his words, they’ll be typed in blue.
If Cartoon Network really must run MAD on Cartoon Planet, then why not do it this way: First, you don’t have to run MAD every single week. You could rotate it, the way that you do with every other show on the block. Second, you could just air 1 or 2 sketches, not the entire show each time. WB’s DC Nation sometimes airs MAD sketches, but with that block, it’s always just 1 sketch per show, not the entire episode.
More than many, I personally understand that nostalgia alone loses it’s appeal after a while, and I don’t want to sound like a nostalgia person, but if CN is going to start running non Cartoon-Cartoons on the CP block, then they could just as easily start airing old Looney Tunes or Tom & Jerry shorts. They’re at least old enough to be considered nostalgia and have been running on CN for years. In the case of the latter, CN has already started airing shorts from WB’s Tom & Jerry Tales, which began airing on CN in 2008. Heck, CN could even air 2 Stupid Dogs on CP. Not technically a Cartoon-Cartoon, I realize, since 2SD originally aired on TBS, but the show did run on CN for a time, and again, it’s old enough to be thought of as nostalgic.
Personally, at this point, I which that CN would have stuck with the block’s original title, Best of CN, so we the viewers at home could continue to savor the memories of the original 1995 program. CN may have resurrected the name, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s still only 1 Cartoon Planet.
ROCK ON!!
ADDENDUM
It’s recently come to my attention that Cartoon Network has added Annoying Orange to the Thursday afternoon Cartoon Planet lineup. So it’s official; CN just doesn’t care anymore.
“What’s the matter? Don’t you find my show a-PEAL-ling? Did I just plant the SEED of doubt? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!”
Are you ready for the summer? We are. Here at Twinsanity we’ve been enjoying baking our brains in the hot sun and chillaxing in front of the TV (what, you expect us to go outside?!) so much that we’ve decided to take the rest of the month off. Hey. bloggers need vacations too. But don’t worry: we’ll be blogging again come July. Just to keep your collective appetites wet, here are some of the upcoming Twinsanity entries slated for next month:
The Retro Box: Yogi’s Gang – Yogi Bear and most of the Hanna-Barbera Zoo travel the land in a flying boat teaching kids to give a hoot and not pollute and to say their prayers, eat their vitamins and drink their milk. As much fun as it sounds.
Overthinking It: Furry Confusion – Twinsanity takes a far-too in-depth look at the head-scratching phenomenon of the Funny Animal in cartoon society.
The Retro Box:The Flintstones Comedy Hour – Flintstones, skits and rock songs. Oh, my!
Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures Full Review – we follow up our Pac Preview Party entry to give our views on the show, so far.
Cartoon Planet in Crisis – Cartoon Network has given their not-exactly retro cartoon block another time slot on Thursdays, so why is no one cheering?
These topics and possibly more will be tackled by Twinsanity in July. But now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s kegger time.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A long name, and also a long enduring franchise, current in its’ 26th year and 4th TV series. By now everyone from 5-year-old kids to 30-year-old nostalgia buffs can name the Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael, but few nowadays remember or even know of the long-forgotten Fifth Turtle–and no, I’m not talking about that annoying little twerp Zach–I’m talking about Venus DeMilo, the lost Ninja Turtle with something extra, two X chromosomes!
For the uninformed, here is a (somewhat) brief history lesson: Venus de Milo (real name Mei Pieh Chi) was introduced in the live action Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation TV series as a fifth mutant turtle. She has also appeared in a few books. Her bandanna was cyan colored, a lighter blue than Leonardo’s, and braided in the back to resemble a ponytail. Lalainia Lindbjerg provided Venus’ voice, while Nicole Parker was the suit actor.
Venus was a fifth turtle that was covered with the mutagen that had mutated the other Turtles, but got swept away in the sewers to New York City’s Chinatown district. There, she was found by a Chinese Shinobi master known as Chung I. Chung I took her back to his hometown of Shanghai, China, and taught her the way of the Shinobi, raising her for 18 years. Chung I was in possession of a mystical mirror, which kept the dreaded Dragonlord and his minions entrapped within it. Chung I, the appointed guardian of this mirror, was attacked by the Dragons when they crossed over into the realm of dreams, mortally wounding him in his sleep and kidnapping the spirit of Chung I’s dream realm friend, Splinter. On his deathbed, Chung I revealed to Mei Pieh Chi her true origin in New York.
Mei Pieh Chi traveled to New York and met the other four Turtles. After using her Shinobi magic to dispatch the “Shredder” persona from Oroku Saki’s mind, she went to the dream realm to rescue Splinter’s spirit. In doing so, she inadvertently gave the Dragons a way to enter the physical world. The Dragon Lord and his minions first attacked when Venus was alone in Central Park. During combat, the head of a statue of a woman was broken off; 20 minutes later Raphael came to help her. The statue’s head was taken to the Turtles’ lair and served as inspiration of the male Turtles’ nickname for her.
Venus seemed to have lived a sheltered life in China. During the show, Venus was portrayed as blissfully ignorant of some parts of Western life and culture and at times, equally ignorant of life in general. While proficient in fighting techniques, Venus was not trained in Ninjutsu like her brothers; in battle, she would use mystical orbs to various different effects.
It was established early on in the series that while the four turtles were raised as brothers, none of them (including Venus) were biologically related. This was done by the writers so as not to eliminate the possibility of a romantic relationship between Venus and one of the four male turtles (with hints leading primarily to the rebellious, quick-tempered Raphael and/or the stalwart, even-keeled leader Leonardo).
After the cancellation of the show, Venus’ adventures with the TMNT continued for several years. On the official website a “second season” of sorts was formed in the letters section. Starting in 1996 the Turtles would keep journal entries about their adventures in a shared universe with characters from Mirage continuity, Archie Comics, and the cartoons all together. On October of 1997 “Venus’ Venerations” were added to the website, coupled with four tremendously excited Ninja Turtles each expressing their feelings on the new member of their team. Although she only wrote a little more than a dozen letters, she co-existed with Mirage, Archie, cartoon, and Next Mutation characters until the year 2000. In 2001, “Venus’ Venerations” was discontinued, and the current storyline continued without any explanation or acknowledgment to her prior existence.
After all the major villains were “defeated forever” for the moment, they decided to help their friends, the Mighty Mutanimals, defeat Murk Mariner. Venus planned to get captured and defeat the pirates from the inside, but Leo and Don especially hated the idea. It reopened just how important she was to them and their species, and caused great tension. However, they were eventually forced to carry the plan out and no one was hurt (with the exception of the pirates). In the last adventure she had with them, Rat King had broken their truce and his minions had eaten or destroyed nearly everything in their lair. After a grueling battle the TMNT were finding it hard to deal with their losses when suddenly the character retroactively ceased to exist; the Rat King had still destroyed their lair, but suddenly there were only four turtles again. No canonical explanation was ever given for her disappearance.
After Kevin Eastman sold his half of TMNT to Peter Laird, Venus’ letters were removed from the website. However, the rest of the Turtles’ letters from those dates remain and still mention her.
In a 2007 interview director Kevin Munroe elaborated on the instructions Peter Laird gave to him for TMNT. Munroe admitted that among those rules was, “There’s absolutely no mention of Venus de Milo, the female Turtle. You can’t even joke about that with Peter. It’s just one of those things that he hates with a passion.” It is currently unknown if Venus will make future appearances, but seems highly unlikely.
Thanks, Turtlepedia.
Phew. OK, now, onto my main thesis, finally. I know that Venus was one of the biggest controversies in TMNT’s history. I know that she wasn’t well-liked by most fans of the series, and to many, felt like a shoehorned Deus ex Machina, but here it is: I didn’t and still don’t think that Venus DeMilo was a bad idea.
No, I honestly don’t. Were there mistakes made and could she have been integrated into the franchise better? Absolutely. But was she inherently a bad idea? I don’t think so. My issue with Venus wasn’t that she existed, but how she existed. Here are the reasons why I personally feel that Venus didn’t click with fans:
She arrived too late in the franchise’s history. By the time Next Mutation came around, the Turtles already had a previous TV series lasting 10 (!) seasons, 3 live-action movies, at least 6 video games, several comic stories published and not 1, but 2 live-action music stage concerts. (BTW, I didn’t even know there was a second concert after Comin’ Out of Their Shells until I saw Phelous’ review of the 2nd concert, Gettin’ Down in Your Town; if you haven’t already, I advise you to check out Phelous’ reviews of both concerts on Blip. They’re hysterical.) That was too late in the game to introduce a new major character into the franchise, especially to the titular team. Had Venus arrived on the scene around, say, late in the 1st season or early in the 2nd season of the 1987 TV show, she might have been gone over better.
She altered the Turtles’ mythos too much. One reason why Peter Laird reportedly hated Venus so much was because she went against the idea that the 4 Ninja Turtles were the only mutant turtles in the world, although according to her backstory she was technically there from the start, only washed away (though according to the 80’s show, Mondo Gecko was there as well). This could’ve easily been fixed, however, in a way which I’ll get to later. To me, the REAL problem with Venus’ inclusion was this:
The writers screwed with the series’ fundamentals in order to include her. Namely, this bit of BS mentioned above:
“It was established early on in the series that while the four turtles were raised as brothers, none of them (including Venus) were biologically related. This was done by the writers so as not to eliminate the possibility of a romantic relationship between Venus and one of the four male turtles (with hints leading primarily to the rebellious, quick-tempered Raphael and/or the stalwart, even-keeled leader Leonardo).” THAT is what I took issue with. That was malarkey. The Ninja Turtles being brothers is one of the main building blocks the franchise was founded on. It’s key to the Turtles’ relationship with one another. They weren’t put together like many other crime fighting teams, they were raised and trained together. You don’t mess with that, especially just so you can open the door for shipper nonsense. Even if the Turtles weren’t actually biologically related to one another (we weren’t privy to them being born, we first see them sharing a bowl in a pet shop, so that’s anybody’s guess), they were still raised as brothers and would therefore feel related by bond if not by blood; you do not toss that essential element out the window just so the 1 female team member can possibly date one of the male Turtles. It goes back to a question that I’ve been asking for decades: why do female characters have to be girlfriends first and characters second? It’s good ol’ fashioned shipper pandering and sexism, and it stinks now matter how much perfume you try to spray on it. If Venus had just been used as the Turtles’ mutant sister, I think she would’ve gone over a lot better.
It’s because of possible shipping that some fans want to see another obscure TMNT character get revived for the new series, Mona Lisa, a former female college student turned mutant amphibian/reptilian.
Feh, I say. Mona Lisa only appeared in 1 freakin’ episode, “Raphael Meets His Match”, and she served no other purpose than to be a potential love interest for Raph. I say keep the show’s focus as far away from romance as possible. TMNT isn’t Degrassi, and I wouldn’t watch it if it were. (Plus, she has hair. I don’t like that she has hair. A reptile/amphibian with hair is just wrong.) Forget Mona Lisa.
It’ll probably never happen, but if someone did try to bring Venus back into the series, here’s how I would handle it: with the magic of retcon!
I would start a new series with Venus already there from episode 1. She gets mutated along with her brothers, but doesn’t get washed away, so she’s raised alongside the others as their sister. No romantic relationships. Splinter teaches her some ninjitsu, but she also learns the art of Shinobi after spotting some books and writings on the subject sitting around the lair left by Hamato Yoshi’s old friend from China, Chung I.
When I suggested this before, someone quipped that this idea would tick off the Turtles’ fanbase. I say the franchise has endured far, far stupider ideas over the years. (Again, Phelous already illuminated at least 50 of them in one of his reviews). If TMNT can survive Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 or Turtle Tunes or We Wish You a Turtle Christmas or Gettin’ Down in Your Town, it could survive a Venus retcon.
Twin Images 
You must be logged in to post a comment.