Retroville: Beastly Kingdom

Have you ever actually looked at the logo for Disney’s Animal Kingdom, man?

disney-animal-kingdom-logo

Wild!

You’ve probably noticed that one of the animal silhouettes is a dragon.

Animal Kingdom Dragon

But why is that when there aren’t any dragons in Animal Kingdom? Well, at one time there actually were going to be dragons. Thus the subject of today’s Retroville, Beastly Kingdom, the Disney World attraction that never was.

Beastly Kingdom

“The rides are OVER! It’s about to get real…real ZOOLOGICAL up in this mug!”

Beastly Kingdom was a section that was to be built in Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Animal Kingdom’s original dedication plaque read like this:

DAK-15-Year-Map-1998-Dedication-Plaque

The Animal Kingdom park was initially supposed to “pay tribute to  all the animals that ever were, and those that never were…” in other words, it focuses on three types of animals:

Today’s existing animals…

Animal Jam Animals

…Extinct animals…

dinosaur-clipart-baby-dinosaur-dinosaur-digital-clipart-volcano-background-digital-clipart-commercial-use-amb-1203-58c88a281

“Don’t say the ‘E’ word!”

…And animals that don’t exist.

Fleur de Lis

“I don’t exist, eh? Then I’m guessing I’m not here to glare angrily at you!”

The latter has not been featured in the park (with the exception of Expedition Everest), but plans for a section of their own were made during the creation of the park. The area was to feature such animals as dragons, unicorns and sea monsters.

Beastly Kingdom 3

Beastly Kingdom 2

The section was to feature realms surrounding “good” and “evil” creatures. The good realm would have been home to an attraction called Quest of the Unicorn, which would have been a mythological maze leading to the grotto where the unicorn lived.

Quest_unicorn_parr

The Unicorn would have been spotted hanging out at, surprise, surprise! Unicorn Lagoon.

The good realm would also have featured Fantasia Gardens, an attraction based on the movie Fantasia, that would have been a musical boat ride that takes you the animal scenes of the movie. The idea, similar to The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, would have featured hippos and crocodiles from “Dance of the Hours” along with pegasi, fauns, and centaurs from “Pastoral”.

fantasiagardens1-2

Fantasia Pegasi

Whimsy. We’re full of it.

Beastly Kingdom Dragon

On the evil side would be feature an attraction called Dragon’s Tower ruled by a greedy fire-breathing dragon that housed a treasure in the tower’s chamber.

Dulcy

“Gah, this stereotype again? We dragons aren’t menaces, OK? I only leveled a village once! I sneezed really hard and then I stubbed my toe!”

The attraction would also involve a group of bats threatening to take the dragon’s throne and riches. The bats would enlist the guests help and take them on a wild roller coaster to do so. The climax, similar to other Disney rides, would involve an encounter with the dragon himself, resulting in a near-charred train of guests.

burnt-man-with-match-over-white-background-99234752

“S-S-S-S-Smokin!”

The section never came to fruition mostly due to budget cuts.

Nerdy-Accountant

“You know how much, glitter, rainbows, thrones, grottoes and dungeons cost?!”

It was soon replaced by Camp Minnie-Mickey, a section mostly filled with character meet-and-greet areas.

Mickey Mouse

“Ya shake a few hands, do the laugh, get your picture taken with the drooling  little thumb-suckers, whatever. I should charge for my photo ops, but it’s good PR, and it keeps the rabble in line. What, are the cameras rolling? I mean, uh…OH, BOY! I sure do love those tourists!”

Remnants of the never-made land can still be found in the park. Though, as with Hidden Mickeys, you have to look close. For example, there is a section in the parking lot labeled “Unicorn”.

Unicorn Crossing

As previously stated, the Animal Kingdom logo also features a silhouette of a dragon. Inside the park, a dragon-shaped stone fountain can be found in Camp Minnie-Mickey.

Dragon_Statue_entrance

A detailed dragon head statue is found atop one of the ticket booths at the park’s entrance. By far, the biggest examples of Remnants would be a cave in Camp Minnie-Mickey that exhorts blasts of fire. Guests are often told that a fire-breathing dragon lives there. Outside the cave, suits of armor are displayed.

Dulcy

“Unfair portrayal by the media strikes again!”

Also, the Happy Meal toys which came out at the time of Animal Kingdom’s launch featured a dragon, a reference to the never made Beastly Kingdom.

disney-animal-kingdom-dragon-toy-wings-down

Dulcy

“Hey, he’s kinda cute! I’m suddenly digging the color purple!”

Spyro

“Yup, I like purple too!”

The section that would’ve been Beastly Kingdom was later designated for the upcoming Pandora: The World of Avatar.

So let me get this straight: we could’ve gotten a cool fantasy land full of unicorns, dragons and stuff, but we can’t have that ’cause it’s not in the budget…yet it IS in the budget to throw away millions on an entire land based on a movie which no one’s talked about for years?

james-cameron-avatar-2-3-4-5-release-dates

-Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Nerdy-Accountant

“Well, we don’t own the Smurfs, so….”

Nerdvana: Pony Tribes ‘n’ Cutie Marks

As the title suggests, today’s Nerdvana is about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Before we kick things off, a little disclaimer: this is NOT a review. I won’t be reviewing the show or any specific episodes. Why? For one thing, MLP: FiM is one of THE most reviewed shows on the internet right now, so we’re not going to be the umpee-seven thousandth people to tackle reviewing this show, especially since we’re only extremely casual viewers of the show. Second, say it with me now: Twinsanity is not a review site. We don’t do reviews here. This is a Nerdvana. I’ll just be rambling on and geeking out over some things I like about the show’s universe. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get cracking.

One thing I like about MLP: FiM is how its’ central setting is a melting pot for all 3 of the Pony tribes: Earth Ponies, Unicorns and Pegasi. Each of them has their strengths and brings something different to the table, and nobody’s dead weight. Everyone has something to contribute to their society. There are no Kardashians or Duggars in Ponyville.

UNICORNS

Why are the Unicorns cool? Come on, do I really need to explain this? They can do freaking magic. Initially, MLP Unicorns could just teleport (or “wink out” as they put it; G1 Twilight would ‘port by saying “I wish” thrice, cute) which was pretty good, but now they do telekinesis and full-blown spells. What’s not to like? Before the rule of Princess Luna and Queen Celestia (I refuse to call her ‘Princess’, Hasbro) the Unicorns were the ones to raise the sun and the moon. Plus, Unicorns seem to carry an air of sophistication and class to them; they’re the tribe that specializes in European architecture, tea cookies, fancy silverware and chocolate croissants. Unicorns at times seem kind of elitist, but hey, you would be too if you were freaking magical.

PEGASI

Pegasi can fly (obviously) and stand and walk on clouds. Flying is one of my all-time favorite super powers, and I know it’s one of yours too; everyone from Superman fans to Peter Pan enthusiasts are fond of flying. They’re also responsible for changing the weather. Also for the most part they seem to be fast, strong and brave. Collectively as a tribe, the Pegasi are very organized and militaristic, even being described as “a race of mighty warriors” prior to the 3 tribes’ unification and their original homeland being decorated with various war memorabilia. Pegasi are the superheroes of the MLP-verse, but without the embarrassing spandex.

EARTH PONIES

 

It’s one of MLP’s strengths that even the non-magic Ponies possess a form of ‘passive magic’ unique to them, giving them a near-supernatural connection to nature, plants and animals (OK, other animals). Even the ‘ordinary’ citizens are fun. In addition to being physically stronger and more durable and resilient than the other Pony tribes (only Earth Ponies can buck trees and such), the Earth Ponies specialize in fun mundane (fundane?) talents like farming, rodeo, fashion, snowboarding, skiing, music, performing, partying and of course baking sweet treats and desserts.

“Hey Hey Hey, I eat snack cakes all day!”

 I really don’t know why I like the Earth Ponies so much; by all accounts I should consider them the boring tribe since they can’t fly or do magic. The best thing I can equate it to is eating a really good veggie sub: if you toast the bun just right and put a decent amount of fresh, crisp vegetables, condiments, oils, seasonings and spices in there, then you don’t miss the meat. Similarly, if you make your character(s) really fun, interesting and engaging, give them a killer hook and a really cool Cutie Mark, then you don’t miss the powers.

Now, onto Cutie Marks. Jason turned me on to how cool this concept is. Everybody’s special talent is illustrated right there for all to see. That would be so cool to have in real life; if you saw someone with the symbol of a screw and a baseball on his/her forehead, you’d already be clued in that he/she was crazy and therefore you’d avoid asking them directions..or anything else.

Some of my favorite Cutie Marks (at the moment):

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

It figures that the Unicorn whose special talent is magic itself would also possess one of the fanciest Cutie Marks on record. A 6-pointed sparkle surrounded by 5 mini sparkles. One word: snazzy.

RAINBOW DASH

No wonder RD is kind of cocky: her Cutie Mark is positively bitchin’. As if having rainbow-striped hair wasn’t cool enough. A storm cloud with a rainbow-striped lightning bolt? It somehow manages to be adorable and badass at the same time.

PRINCESS LUNA

I admit it, I’ve always liked Luna more than Celestia. Indigo’s one of my second favorite colors, I’m kind of a night person and I can relate to being misunderstood (not tryin’ to get all emo on ya, though). Any symbol which features a crescent moon and a portion o’ the night is fine by me.

DOUBLE DIAMOND

There aren’t any dudes in the Mane 6 for obvious reasons, but I like what I saw of this guy. I dig the white and silver color scheme and his Cutie Mark–3 stylized snowflakes–remind me of the Tiki designs on some of my Hawaiian shirts or those little sticker things that were on the floor of our bathtub when I was a kid. Plus, I like the concept of a male Earth Pony who’s full-on into skiing and snowboarding. Man, I miss Fuel TV.

SUGAR BELLE

Just a design I like. Nice colors, and the barrettes are a nice touch. Plus, as her Cutie Mark implies, her special talent is baking and desserts, you know I like that.

“Hey Hey Hey, you gonna eat that parfait?”

NIGHT GLIDER

Some might consider this choice redundant, since I already put an indigo-colored Pony with a nocturnal themed Cutie Mark on this list, but this is an indigo-colored Pegasus whose Cutie Mark is a thin crescent moon surrounded by 2 swirling comets/clouds/nebulae, it’s completely different. Plus I really like the name Night Glider; it sounds like a syndicated spinoff series starring David Hasslehoff as a troubleshooter who hang-glides for justice. (Ssh. Don’t give ’em any ideas!)

PARTY FAVOR

Now this I can get behind: a Unicorn who can not only perform magic, but can also shape balloons into any objects imaginable. He’s like the Green Lantern, but with party balloons! As you probably gathered by this and the previous Cartoon Country “Build Your Own Fantastic Four”, I’m kind of on a silly superpowers kick right now.

QUACKERS

BabyQuakers

Baby Quackers Cutie Mark

This is a character who appeared in 2 episodes of the old syndicated My Little Pony ‘n’ Friends TV series. The Cutie Mark is a yellow duck carrying an umbrella — almost aggressively cutesy to be sure, but it’s ingenious in its’ simplicity. Plus, I just like the idea behind this character: a Pony with a duck fetish. I can kind of relate; growing up watching Daffy, Donald, Uncle Scrooge and Dukcman have made me a duck enthusiast as well.

duckman-l

-I’ll be going all old-school on you for these last 2 choices: we’re going back to the era B.L.F. (Before Lauren Faust) to the Cutie Marks of some of the G1 Newborn Twins Ponies. (If it’s twins, we’re interested in it.)

BIG TOP & TOPPY

Toppy’s Cutie Mark

Big Top’s Cutie Mark

As their shared Cutie Mark suggests, these 2 were big on circuses and clowns (not the creepy, stalking murdering variety); the little anecdote on the back of their package told a little story about them making their clown dolls dance and caper around the room with their Pony magic. That’s adorable, but in order to enjoy that you have to act under the hypothesis that clowns aren’t freaky or scary.

“Let’s call clowns what they really are: smiling murderers!”

DOODLES AND NOODLES

 

Noodles’ Cutie Mark

Doodles’ Cutie Mark

These 2 were big on alphabet blocks, hence this vary primary Cutie Mark. Simple and pwecious. But in all seriousness: even by pastel-colored magical talking Pony standards, who in their right mind names their kids NOODLES and DOODLES?? It’s a good thing this is a toyetic paradise, otherwise middle school would be a real blast for these 2!

Why Twilight Sparkle is Awesome!

  1. She’s a unicorn, and unicorns are naturally cool.*
  2.  She’s purple, my favorite color.
  3. She has a big ol’ brain. Anyone who studies magic and science is OK in my book!
  4. Prior to moving to Ponyville, she was an anti-social recluse. I can relate.
  5. That mane and tail. You’ve just got to love the streaks.
  6.  She’s voiced by Tara Strong.
  7.  Until recently, she lived in a tree house with a magical lightning rod so’s not to get struck by lightning. Now that’s thinking green!
  8. I just plain like the name “Twilight Sparkle”. It rolls off the tongue nicely.
  9. She has purple eyes.
  10. She has mad organization skills.
  11. She hangs out with a dragon, which makes her cool by association.
  12.  She’s got that bitchin’ cutie mark.
  13.  She was mentored by Princess (should be Queen) Celestia, babysat by another princess (Cadence) and her brother (Shining Armor) is a member of the Royal Guard, so she’s connected.
  14. Her Element of Harmony is Magic. The other Elements are OK too, for the “hippy-dippy” stuff, but magic can actually kick ass.
  15. She can do the Elaine from Seinfeld dance.
  16.  In an alternate reality, she looks like this:
Equestria_Girls_Twilight_Sparkle

You’ve got the look!

*Yes, I know that Twilight Sparkle is an allicorn now, but honestly, I prefer Twilight before she became a princess. I think that the whole allicorn princess thing should have been saved for the series finale, but that’s just me.