Twinsanity’s Suburban Dictionary (we’re not cool and hip enough to have an Urban Dictionary) defines Sheldoning as “the practice of agonizing and nitpicking over a tiny, insignificant detail and harping on said detail whenever someone uses it incorrectly”. It’s named after Sheldon Cooper, everyone’s favorite anal retentive nutbag genius on The Big Bang Theory.
Now it’s not something we’re proud of, but we’ve been known to Sheldon about things from time to time ourselves. Here’s a little list of some of things which grind our gears, which niggle our collective noggles and as a result we’ve been known to Sheldon about:
- When people mistake ‘telepathy’ for ‘telekinesis’ and vice versa. Example: “Man, I’m tired. I wish I didn’t have to reach for the remote, I wish I could just summon it to me telepathically.” No, you don’t,’cause that’s not telepathy. Telepathy is the ability to read minds, telekinesis is the ability to move and manipulate objects with the power of one’s mind. So unless you’re planning to read the remote’s mind and non-verbally command it to come to you, you mean summon it to you telekinetically.
- When people say “I could care less”. Ah, no. The expression is “I couldn’t care less”, as in “I couldn’t possibly care any less than I do now”. To say you could care less means that you could care more.
- The way nobody uses the word “thrice”. Thrice is a great word, yet people insist on saying “three times”, which takes longer to say. English created a word that specifically means ‘three times’ (ex: once, twice, thrice), so why don’t people use it? We’re personally on a campaign to bring the word thrice back into everyday usage. So next time you’re about to say something like “I’ve washed this shirt three times and I still can’t get that pesky grease stain out!”, stop yourself and say “thrice” instead.
- The expression “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. Incorrect. Here I have my cake…
…And now (nom nom nom nom nom) I am eating it. What you can’t do is eat your cake and have it too.
- When people type the name of super-heroine Wonder Woman as ‘Wonder Women”. It’s Wonder WOMAN. Singular. As in just one. Where did you get the idea that there’s more than 1 Amazon super-lady with a magic lasso and a transparent plane in the Justice League??
- When people type the name of the cable channel Cartoon Network as ‘Cartoonnetwork’. It’s Cartoon Network. 2 words. Not 1. When has anyone ever seen the name of this channel spelled like just 1 word? When has this ever happened?
- When people refer to all Warner Brothers cartoons as “Bugs Bunny cartoons” or the theme music for the Merrie Melodies and Looney Tunes shorts as “Bugs Bunny”. Bugs Bunny wasn’t featured in every single WB short, in fact the character didn’t make his first ‘true’ appearance until Tex Avery’s A Wild Hare in 1940. FTR, the Merrie Melodies theme is titled “Merrily We Roll Along”, while the title of the Looney Tunes signature theme is “The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down”.
- When people try to separate anime from cartoons (EX: “I don’t watch cartoons. I only watch anime!” or “List your favorite cartoons and anime”). It boils my blood when people try to separate cartoons from anime when they’re the same diggity-dang thing! Anime IS cartoons! Just cartoons from Japan. Being from Japan doesn’t make it any less a cartoon. This practice is especially pointless when one considers that in Japan the term “anime” refers to ANYTHING that’s animated, regardless of its country of origin. In Japan, Popeye is just as much an anime as Tenchi Muyo! is. That’s right; it just means “cartoon”, so drop the pretentiousness and just call them cartoons.
- When people type LOL after everything all the time (ex: “Looks like I’m first to comment LOL”, “I had no idea LOL”, “I just saw this last week LOL”, “The Nostalgia Critic reviewed this already LOL”). This bugs me for 2 reasons: One, if what you were saying was truly funny, then you wouldn’t have to provide your own laughs. Two, every single thing you see, hear or read shouldn’t be making you laugh out loud; if it is, then check yourself into a rubber room, ’cause you’re clearly crazy.
- When people refer to the entirety of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic‘s fan base as “Bronies”. Can we please stop calling ALL MLP fans Bronies, please? Being a Pony fan doesn’t automatically make you a Brony; they’re not the same thing. All Bronies are Pony fans, but not all Pony fans are Bronies. Only the adult male Pony fans are Bronies, as the MLP franchise is tailored specifically towards young girls. Little girls who like MLP are not Bronies. Women who like MLP are not Bronies. For that matter, little boys who like MLP aren’t Bronies either. Only adult men (i.e., bros) who like MLP fit the definition of Brony. Everyone else are just Pony fans. What do the first 3 letters in the word spell? There ya go.
- When people call puppets who aren’t the creations of Jim Henson’s Creature Shop ‘Muppets”. All Muppets are puppets, but not all puppets are Muppets, dig? The Henson Company is King of the Puppetry Hill, but they’re not the only puppet making studio on the planet.
- When people write or type Spider-Man’s name as ‘Spiderman’ or Iron Man’s name as ‘Ironman’ or Wonder Woman’s name as ‘Wonderwoman’. The former’s a 2-word name with a dash in the middle and the latter are 2-word names. They’re not John Spiderman from Accounting or Bill Ironman from Human Resources or Irene Wonderwoman from Legal. Similarly, it bugs when people type the names Superman, Batman and Starfire as 2 words (EX: Super Man, Bat Man, Star Fire or StarFire). Ah, no. Those are just 1 word names, not 2.
- When people write or more commonly type (’cause let’s face it, who writes anymore?) about the characters of Lois Lane or Lois Griffin and call them “Louis”. It’s LOIS. LOUIS is a man’s name. THIS is a Louis:
- When people type the word ‘lose’ with 2 ‘o”s, as in “The Miz is going to loose at WrestleMania tonight!”. ‘Loose’ doesn’t mean the same thing as ‘lose’. If you think it does, I know where you can get a dictionary cheap.
- When people put the word “the” in shows’ titles where it doesn’t belong. EX: The Rugrats or The Animaniacs. No, it’s just Rugrats and just Animaniacs, dammit! Incidentally, The Warner Brothers and their sister Dot aren’t the Animaniacs that the shows’ title refers to. Rather, the title Animaniacs refers to the unhinged nature of the show itself (I’m just nitpicking now).
- When people refer to the DC comics character Captain Marvel as SHAZAM!, which is the name of the wizard who gave 12-year-old Billy Batson his powers and also is an acronym of the powers that Captain Marvel has: the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles and the speed of Mercury. Even DC in recent years has began calling the super hero by the name SHAZAM in order to avoid confusion with Marvel comics’ Captain Marvel. I don’t know why DC thinks that naming the hero after the wizard who gave him his powers would somehow be less confusing.
- When people refer to the DC company as “DC Comics”. DC stands for Detective Comics, so when you say “DC Comics”, you’re saying “Detective Comics Comics”. Don’t do that.
- When people refer to The Simpsons as “Bart Simpson” or just “Bart”. Mind you, this hasn’t happened much, if at all, since the shows’ writers shifted the central focus from Bart to Homer.
- When people call the Ninja Turtle Raphael by the nickname “Ralph”. Wha? It’s RAPH. Where are these people getting the extra ‘l’ from? His name isn’t RaLphael, it’s Raphael. The Ninja Turtle with the red headband is Raph. Ralph is this guy:
- When people, when asked to name their favorite shows from a particular network, cite 3rd party acquisitions as their choices (EX: “Among my favorite Cartoon Network shows are Dragon Ball Z and Rouroni Kenshin” or “My favorite Nicktoons of all time were Tiny Toon Adventures, Beetlejuice and Inspector Gadget“.). Invariably, when you point out that those shows aren’t first-run originals from their respective networks and therefore can’t or shouldn’t be counted, these people usually come back with, “I first saw Inspector Gadget, Beetlejuice and Tiny Toons on Nickelodeon, so I consider them Nicktoons”. Yeah, both Tiny Toons and Beetlejuice have also aired on Cartoon Network, so following that logic, that would also make them Cartoon-Cartoons.
- When people say “irregardless”. That’s not a word. You mean to say “regardless”. While we’re on the subject, “I seen” is also incorrect; it’s either “I saw” or “I have seen”.
- When people refer to the 2003 Cartoon Network Teen Titans series as “the original Teen Titans show” or “the first Teen Titans cartoon”. That’s incorrect. The very first animated adaptation of Teen Titans was in fact the Filmation animated shorts which aired in the 1960’s and starred Wonder Girl, Speedy, Kid Flash and Aqualad (but not Robin, since he was appearing in the Filmation Batman shorts around the same time). By the same card, it bugs me when these same people refer to the team from the 2003 cartoon as “the original team”. No, that’s not the original team; the original Teen Titans were the then sidekicks of various Justice League members: Robin, Speedy, Wonder Girl, Aqualad and Kid Flash. The team consisting of Starfire, Cyborg et al was a TV version of the New Teen Titans comics from the 1980’s, written and illustrated largely by Marv Wolfman and George Perez. I have to remind myself that most of the 2003 Teen Titans‘ fan base consisted of kids (at the time) who have never picked up a comic book in their lives; heck, some of them didn’t even know that Teen Titans was a comic book long before it was a TV show!
- When people type questions and then punctuate them with a period (.). Why deprive the question mark of it’s only job?
- When people pronounce the main character of Street Fighter Ryu’s name as “Rye-you”. It’s “Rhee-u”.
- When people pronounce Super Mario’s name as “Mary-o”.
- When people refer to half hour prime time TV specials as “movies”. If it’s under 90 minutes long and was made for television, it’s a TV special, not a movie!
- When people refer to any and all forms of CGI animated projects as “3D”, as in “I prefer 2D animation over 3D!”. CGI and 3D are not the same thing! Even animation that’s rendered by computer graphics are still shown in only 2 dimensions, one for each eye. An example of 3 dimensional perspective would be video games such as Super Mario 64, where the player is able to move in several different directions, not just from left to right. 3D is a visual perspective, not an animation style. What you mean to say is you prefer hand drawn animation over CG.
- When people say “Two twins”, as in “Look! There are 2 twins!”. Incorrect. The word “twin” by definition suggests 2, therefore “two twins” would be 4, which would then be quadruplets. What you mean to say is “One set or one pair of twins”.
Now, we know what many of you are thinking right about now, so before you post it in the comments, we’ll do it for you:
3 thoughts on “To Sheldon, aka The Art of Sheldoning”
I didn't know you guys were Big Bang Theory fans. Anyway, it seems we have rather similar Sheldonings (despite how I've been liking Sheldon himself less and less as time goes on).
I have a Sheldoning I'm surprised you didn't put in; everyone keeps calling Princess Aurora Sleeping Beauty. That's not her name, and people keep calling her that for some reason. That drives me bonkers!
Last night, comedian Pete Holmes sent my inner Sheldon into a nerd rage. “The Pete Holmes Show” did one of those “Ex-Men” sketches withe Pete playing Xavier and Rob Huebel playing Magneto, and Pete kept saying stuff like, “If I wanted to, I could make myself float!” and “Telekinesis beats magnets!”, and I'm practically shouting at my TV, “Professor X is NOT a telekinetic! Jean Grey is the telekinietic/telepath, Prof. X is just a telepath. Telepathy and telekinesis are NOT the same thing! Xavier can't move things telekinetically! Have you ever read the comics or seen any of the TV shows or movies?When have you ever seen him use telekinesis?! If Prof. X could really make himself float, he wouldn't need the %^&*ing wheelchair!!”