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The Retro Bin: Saturday Morning Jock Jams

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11:30 AM to 1 PM, this is a bittersweet time for Saturday morning viewers. It’s generally the start of the time when the cartoons die down and the kids are forced to relinquish control of the TV back to the adults who’ll begin their own weekend rituals of watching news, infomercials and especially sports programs. Of course, we here at Twinsanity are huge geeks who would much rather watch cartoons than sports, but thankfully, there have been some instances where we didn’t have to choose. A number of professional athletes have found their way into Saturday morning cartoons, and these mergings have generally been…ridiculous. Nonetheless, in this Retro Bin, we’ll be taking a look back at some of Saturday morning’s Jock Jams.

The earliest one that comes to mind is the SatAM cartoon starring The Harlem Globetrotters, which was produced by Hanna-Barbera and CBS Productions and ran on CBS from 1970 to 1972 and was later re-run on NBC under the title Go-Go Globetrotters.

“Right on! Jive Turkey! Keep On Truckin’! Give a hoot, don’t pollute and other phrases!”

In this animated incarnation, the titular basketball superstars (which included animated versions of George “Meadowlark” Lemon, Freddie “Curly” Neal, Hubert “Geese” Ausbie, J.C. “Gip” Gipson, Bobby Joe Mason, and Paul “Pablo” Robertson) would travel would travel the globe  in their funky fresh van having random misadventures along with their bus driver and manager, a little old lady from Pasadena called Granny and (because this was a Saturday morning cartoon made in the early 70s) their mascot; a goofy, sneakers wearing dog named Dribbles (Get it?).  Exactly why H-B felt that the jesters of dunk needed to have a comic relief mascot is beyond me. The Globies have always kind of been their own comic relief, so giving them their own Mr. Cool (see Fonz and the Happy Days Gang) seemed kind of unnecessary. The series worked to a formula where the team travels somewhere and typically get involved in a local conflict that leads to one of the Globetrotters proposing a basketball game to settle the issue. To ensure the Globetrotters’ defeat, the villains rig the contest; however, before the second half of the contest, the team always finds a way to even the odds, become all but invincible, and win the game. In 1979, H-B would try this formula again, only with the Globetrotters as super heroes in a series titled The Super Globetrotters, which has already been covered by Damon (Silverstar) in the very first Retro Box. At least the opening theme song was catchy. Check it out:

Trivia Time: Coach Leon Hillard was originally planned to be on the series, but was cut out of the cast prior to the start of production.

Fast Forward to 15 years later to our next series; a Saturday morning cartoon  titled Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling, which ran for only a single season (1985) on CBS. This series was animated and produced by DIC Entertainment. It featured animated adventures of popular WWF stars from the time. Yes, I said “WWF”. This was before the World Wrestling Federation lost it’s years long battle with the other WWF (the World Wildlife Foundation) over use of the initials and was forced to change it’s name to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) in 2002.

“Suck it, World Wrestling Federation! Suck it long and suck it hard!”

Anyway, Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling focused on animated versions of the Hulkster and his slam banging buddies having random adventures all while always wearing their spandex outfits even during everyday situations. None of the WWE wrestlers provided the voices of their cartoon counterparts, but some of them would be featured in live action wraparounds which would air between segments, including some who weren’t featured in the cartoons themselves, such as Terrible Terry Funk and manager Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart . However, Rock ‘N’ Wrestling did boast some appearances by some notable voice actors before they were famous. Cartoon Hulk Hogan was voiced by the pre-Everybody Loves Raymond Brad Garret, while cartoon “Rowdy” Roddy Piper was voiced by the pre-Tiny Toon Adventures Charles Adler. Interestingly, one thing that the characters were almost never shown doing was actually wrestling. I remember one episode has Hulk and friends in a deep, dark jungle wrestling some crocodiles, but that’s about it. The wrestlers would attend rock concerts, have run ins with bargain based mad scientists, petty criminals, typical Saturday morning stuff. This, I think, is the primary reason why Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling didn’t last beyond one season. In comparison to the “real” WWE shows, which boast such memorable moments as chairman Vince MacMahon  wailing on a differently abled teenage fan with the kid’s own prosthetic leg and an ancient lady wrestler (ironically named Mae Young) giving birth to a human hand, the goings on in Rock ‘N’ Wrestling seemed completely tame. It’s ironic that the actual WWE manages to be more of a cartoon than the actual Saturday morning cartoon from which it spawned. Anyway, here’s the show’s intro:

Notice how the animated Hulk Hogan looks to be about 20 years younger than his live action counterpart. Apparently, steroids isn’t something that exists in Cartoonland.

Incidentally, one of the wrestlers featured on the show was “Captain Lou” Albano, and while Mr. Albano didn’t provide the voice of his animated counterpart, he would later go on to voice another popular animated character on another TV show that you might have heard of.

Next we come to a series titled ProStars, which was produced by DiC and ran on NBC for only a single season (1991).

“ProStars, it’s all about helping kids…and endorsements.”

The show centers on Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson and Wayne Gretzky fighting crime and helping children, often protecting the environment as well. These three were chosen to represent the pinnacle of all four major American professional sports in the early 1990s. While Jordan and Gretzky are broadly associated with their respective sports, Jackson was included since he could represent both football and baseball and was a high-profile celebrity off the field as well. A reference to his “Bo Knows” Nike ad-campaign was worked into almost every episode (“Bo Knows Repetition!”)

“Oh, he said it again. That never gets old”

Trivia Time: ProStars was originally slated to air on ESPN, but I guess that there are enough animated characters on that network already.

Dick Vitale

“That;s awesome, baby, with a capital A!”

This last one gets an honorable mention, because it’s not actually a show, but rather its one episode of a show. I’m talking about the famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) episode of Kids’ WB Static Shock titled “Hoop Squad”, which originally aired on February 8, 2004. This is considered by many Static Shock fans as the single worst episode of the series. Basically, “Hoop Squad” was Static Shock‘s equivalent to ‘I’ve Got Batman in My Basement”. Below is the episode’s synopsis, courtesy of the DCAU Wiki:

“Hoop Squad” is the seventh episode of the fourth season of Static Shock. It depicts the appearance of a giant robot created by Nanites in Los Angeles. To stop the nanites Static and Gear join up with the Hoop Squad: a team of basketball players, Tracy McGrady, Karl Malone, Yao Ming and Steve Nash outfitted in power suits used to fight crime.

The Hoop Squad’s roster consisted of:

  • Tracy McGrady – Spin Drive
  • Karl Malone – Pulverizer
  • Yao Ming – Center Force
  • Steve Nash – Point Man

Man, I wish I had some nachos, so all of this cheese wouldn’t be going to waste.

The Hoop Squad were recruited by the National Biotech Authority, a secret government agency dedicated to preserving world peace and stability, to operate new bio-enhanced suits designed by Dr. Mason Andrews. They were chosen by the NBA to become a superhero team because they were the ones who had the strength and skills needed to operate Dr. Andrews’ Bio-Enhancer suits. I wonder if this National Biotech Authority only recruited basketball stars, or did it have a baseball, football, tennis and golf division as well? Yeah, like you wouldn’t want to see Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus suit up and bop bad guys with atomic powered exploding golf balls.

Trivia Time: Even though all of the Hoop Squad were based on real life athletes, only Karl Malone provided his own voice, and frankly, hearing Karl Malone trying to act was funnier than any of the jokes that were used in the episode.

It remains to be seen if any more sports/cartoon mash-ups are looming over the horizon, but let’s just hope that we’ll never get anything like this ever again:

Super Bowl Shuffle gif

2 Funny: Easy Peckins

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It’s no secret that we here at Twinsanity are big fans of Looney Tunes. This is one of the funnier “one-shots” (shorts featuring characters that never returned) from 1953. A hungry fox tries to raid a chicken coop, but his plans are continually thwarted by a bulked-up, muscle bound rooster. Not much of a plot, but a great story. I remember 18-year-old me laughing my ass off at this short when it aired on Nickelodeon/Nick at Nite. Interestingly, this short was directed by Robert McKimson, who created the Foghorn Leghorn series, yet Foggy is nowhere to be found here. Anyway, here’s “Easy Peckins”:

Why Grumpy Bear is Awesome!

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  1. He’s taken it upon himself to be the edgy, brooding Care Bear.
  2. He finds the other Care Bears’ bright cheerful dispositions to be just as annoying as we do.
  3. He’s turned griping into a fine art.
  4. He’s dusty blue, a nice shade.
  5. In Care Bears: Adventures in Care-A-Lot, he was voiced by Scott McNeil.
  6. He once worked as an inventor, so he likes working with BIG TOOLS!
  7. He’s uttered phrases such as “Bumbling Blizterbugs!” and “Typhonic Typhoons!” un-ironically.
  8. Like the late, great Johnny Cash, he walks the line.
  9. He’s living proof that even the world of cutesy plush toys has a dark side.
  10. He once complained about having nothing to complain about.
  11. He can stand being around Baby Hugs and Baby Tugs for longer than 2 minutes (Trust us, that’s an achievement!)
  12. That stylin’ rain cloud Belly Badge (that sounds better than “Tummy Symbol”)
  13. He’s cute, just don’t ever let him hear you say that.

Nerdvana: Paradise by Coldplay

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This is another song that I’m currently groovin’ with. Interestingly, I discovered this one by accident. This song came already installed on my current mp3 player when I first bought it, and I just happened to hear it while I had it playing in while I was driving. I liked the song and began listening to it more often. I finally saw the video for it last week, and it’s weird. I don’t get the video, frankly, but the song is decent. It makes me remember those animated one-shot half hour specials produced by the Canadian animation studio Nelvana from the 1980s for some reason. Here’s “Paradise” by Coldplay. Enjoy.

Player Two Start!: Norimaro – The Man, The Myth, The Legend

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Today, we’re going to spend some time talking about….this guy.

Norimaro

For those who don’t know, it’s Norimaro from Capcom’s Marvel Super Heroes Vs Street Fighter. Norimaro is an original character created and owned by Japanese comedian Noritake Kinashi (one half of the comedy duo known as “The Tunnels”) who represents neither Marvel nor Capcom. He appears as a regular character only in the Japanese arcade and console versions of the game, but was removed in all the overseas versions. He portrays a nerdy, cowardly schoolboy-type guy armed with a camera, who throws common school items like mini-Gouki (mini-Akuma) dolls and plushies as projectiles, and would attempt to ask for his opponent’s autograph mid-battle (can be seen when the player presses the START button during a match). Occasionally if this is done while facing the computer controlled Dan, his taunt will be done where he signs an autograph and throws it at Norimaro. He uses the comical “Hyper Strong Miracle Treasure” Hyper Combo, which has him throwing a massive amount of school supplies and other objects, and the equally-comical “Ultra Variety Private Memories” Hyper Combo, where he rushes his opponent and inflicts a multi-hit combo while wearing costumes. He is playable on the US version via hacking or if a cheat code is done with an emulator, and even has English dialogue in the Apocalypse and ending scenes, as well as win quotes, which indicates that he was intended for the overseas versions as well in the development stages of the game. Likewise, while he has been removed from most of the game’s overseas promotional materials, some overseas gameart still contains him, such as the game cover art above.

Here’s a taste of Norimaro in action:

Norimaro’s special movies include:

  • Tourist’s Treasure: Norimaro panics and turns around, which swings his bag and causes a doll or a school item to fly out, which acts as a projectile. The many items tend to vary, from a protractor to an Akuma figurine.
  • Personal Victory Jump: Norimaro leaps into the air diagonally body first, yelling “Shouryuuken” in what he probably thinks is a deep, serious voice. Works as an anti-air, has some recovery time, but sadly is the weakest anti-air in the game.
  • Fierce Hand Current: Norimaro cries while flailing his arms about while moving forward a distance, then falls over. Is a good move and sends the opponent flying if connects and does multiple hits, but has a lot of recovery time.
  • Banana Slip: Norimaro slips with a banana peel, launching the opponent in the air. This is Norimaro’s hard kick and technically isn’t a special move, but it has a special feature: if the banana hits the opponent, he will slip as well, and the peel can hit OTG.

Hyper Combos:

  • Hyper Strong Miracle Treasure (Level 1): Norimaro panics and throws thousands of school supplies and toys out of his bag.
  • Ultimate Grand Champion Jump (Level 1): Norimaro charges and then does a body-first diagonal high jump that hits multiple times.
  • Ultra Variety Private Memories (Level 1): Auto-combo/ranbu super. Norimaro dashes forward, and if this hits, he rapidly switches between a variety of silly poses which recount his memories, such as taking a bath, hiding behind his father, drawing on the floor, flipping an egg, dressing up as Rockman, playing with a teddy bear, being bit in the leg by a dog, playing in a cardboard car, and singing karaoke.

Unbenkownst to us Yanks, there were some additional Norimaro animations which didn’t make it to the final cut, such as the one below, in which Mr. N spots something interesting and jumps to the ground. This animation would have been used for victories against the game’s female characters, Chun-Li and Sakura; instead of his usual win animation of heading over to the fallen form of his opponent and snapping a photo of himself, Norimaro would take this opportunity to sneak a peek under his defeated opponent’s skirt. You dirty dog, you!

“Ooh, what do we have here??”

There is also what appears to be a unused Hyper Combo depicting our guy fantasizing about a particular Capcom character, triggering an explosive nosebleed. Several variants of this animation exist, specifically for Chun-Li, Sakura, Cammy, Morrigan and Felicia, as well as Anita (a little girl) and Zangief (a man). Clearly, this silly otaku’s fandom isn’t limited to just the ladies!

        

BOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!

One final point of confusion (for us Americans, anyway) is Norimaro’s game ending. Bizarrely, beating the game shows Norimaro’s ending images with Dan’s ending dialogue and Captain America’s nametag. Norimaro’s ending is basically him conquering the world, dying, and becoming a tedious subject for history books. Living proof that nerds rule.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is sailor-moon-usagi-tsukino.gif

“Oh, I’ve got to get me one of those!”

Go-Go

“Norimaro = HAWT!”

These remarks come as a surprise to no one, since it’s well known that Mr. N rocks the sexy!