This morning, Damon and I came across this little thread by a member of the Toon Zone Forums. This little piece o’ flamebait was written by a member who has a serious mad-on for Boomerang and who was 47-years-old at the time of his initial post on the forum. This is the kind of post that gets closed immediately (and rightfully so!), which it did, but the statements made in this tidbit of haterade were so over-the-top ridiculous and silly that we just had to put in our 2 cents (or 4 cents, collectively). To avoid confusion, here’s the code: The original poster’s comments are typed in the default text color (in this case, black). Damon’s comments are in blue, while mine are in purple.

Nickelodeon sucks for one reason and one reason only.

We’re off to a great start so far. Hooray, one-sided rant threads!

Their morning block is too lengthy, the pre-school television hogwash that they show each morning is a load a crock if you ask me,

Comparing a 5-year-old girl and her pet monkey to crackheads and alcoholics. Very mature for a guy pushing 50. OK, comparing the behavior of, say, the Mysteries, Inc. gang on Scooby Doo to that of hopped-up dope fiends works because those fictional characters have actually displayed signs of stereotypical stoner behavior (constantly having the munchies, drifting around aimlessly with no sign of employment, spending much of their time in a van, etc.), but trying to do the same joke with Dora the Explorer doesn’t work at all because neither Dora nor Boots have ever exhibited any sort of behavior that’s comparable to that of a crack head or an alcoholic Why do you think of these characters as “crack head alcoholics”? Could it be because you have no frelling idea how crack heads and alcoholics typically act like? Doing so says far more about the person making the comment then it does about the comment itself. The irony being that anyone is who thinks that calling characters on shows tailored for little kids by mindless adult terms such as “crack heads” is a sign of maturity is the exact opposite of mature.

Get rid of Dora? Not gonna happen anytime soon. Dora the Explorer is one of Nick Jr.’s, nay, one of Nick’s biggest cash cows right now. Dora merchandise is everywhere. The little chica isn’t going anywhere as long as she and Boots continue to put butts into seats, so my advice to you is to simply change the channel when she comes on. Here’s how I handle the TV shows that I don’t like: I just pick up that little remote control device that came with my set and push those little buttons with the numbers on them. The stuff I don’t find entertaining I just don’t watch. It’s literally that simple. And was the whole “Dora and Boots are crackhead alcoholics” remark supposed to be clever or funny? ‘Cause it failed on both counts. That was neither accurate, smart nor humorous. I’m guessing you heard these terms used to describe something or someone else and thought that would be a really cool snap to make on a children’s cartoon character, but it only succeeded in making you look like a socially inept shut-in.

As previously stated, nothing on Nick Jr. is intended to entertain people your age. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if you like them or not. If you truly didn’t care about these preschool targeted shows, you wouldn’t have created this dumb ass rant thread complaining about them on a public message board in the 1st place. Furthermore, in your rant, you even acknowledge that you’re too old to be watching these programs, let alone care about them, thus you defeated your own argument. Good job. Would  you like some salt to go with that foot?

What’s “jargain”? That’s not a word. Did you mean to type ‘jargon’? But jargon is meaningless talk or writing, it’s not a block of TV shows. Anyway, I honestly don’t understand why some people think that just because Nickelodeon created a separate channel for Nick Jr., that this means that the Nick Jr. block would go away (or should go away). Most of the people complaining about this are either too young or immature to understand things from a business perspective. If you don’t get it, allow me to explain: Nick Jr. (the channel) is a digital exclusive extra channel, while Nick Jr. (the block) is basic cable. Most people are unable (or unwilling) to pay an additional fee on top of their regular cable/satellite fee for an extra digital package just to get the Nick Jr. channel. Also, Nick Jr. (the block) is doing too well in the ratings for Nick to just drop it. If you really don’t like the programming on Nick Jr., you could, I don’t know, watch something else, maybe. Nobody is forcing you watch Nick Jr. at all. Watch something else. Read a book, Go outside. Seriously. An adult over 40 shouldn’t need to be told this.

“Nobody cares about Nick Jr.”? The block’s ratings say otherwise. If that were truly the case, then neither Cartoon Network or Disney Channel would have bothered launching (or attempting to launch in CN’s case) their own preschool blocks and later channels to counteract Nick Jr. By “nobody” you mean yourself. YOU don’t care about Nick Jr.’s shows, as well you shouldn’t, seeing as how you’re a grown-ass man with no kids. I honestly don’t know what’s sadder: you deluding yourself into thinking that you somehow represent Nick Jr.’s audience, or that you even want to put yourself in that position in the first place. And at what hour Nick chooses to end its’ preschool programming shouldn’t matter one whit to you, since you’re not being forced to sit through a second of it. Anybody who says, “So-and-so preschool block is bad because it goes on for too long” has obviously never had to stay home all day with a small child; if you actually had to watch some little ankle-biter during the day, you’d want all the kiddie blocks to go on for as long as possible.

Um, why in the blue hell are you comparing Nick to Boomerang? The latter is a ad-free digital bonus tier rerun channel aimed primarily at nostalgic baby boomers and Generation Xers, while the former is a commercial basic cable premier kids’ channel. They’re not the same thing at all. That’s like comparing OWN to Fuel TV. And what do you mean “Looney Tunes haven’t been shown in a long time”? A sizable chunk of the LT shorts air on Cartoon Network 5 times a week, and DVDs, streaming videos and even illegal copies of the shorts on sites like YouTube and Dailymotion have been circulating both online and offline for years. You’d know that if you’d ever quit acting like Boomerang is the only channel you’re permitted to watch. I understand that Boomerang is your channel, dude, but seriously. Get off your lazy ass and leave your comfort zone once in a while to look around for other sources for these shows. You are not beholden to TV, be it Boomerang, Nick Jr., Disney Junior or otherwise. That you even care this much about this subject comes off as seriously sad, pathetic and downright fanboyish on your part, and that you’re THIS fired up about it just shows us all that despite being light years removed from the age bracket these shows are targeted towards, you’ve still got a boat-load of growing up to do.