Ad Nausea: Discover Card – Twins

By now, I’m sure most of you have seen this ad from Discover Card’s “We Treat You Like You’d Treat You” campaign, titled appropriately, “Twins”.

 

Now far be it for me to nitpick about a quirky spot featuring cute twins, but….

UmmNo

Sorry, but this would never happen. Why? Allow me to enumerate:

  1. I used to work in customer service (worst job I ever had, but I digress…) and when you work in customer service, the very first thing you’re supposed to do is get the caller’s name so you can bring up their account information, so there’s no way the twin working for Discover would be speaking to her sister for that long without knowing who she was.
  2. You know how when you call a company, the voice on the phone will often say, “Calls may be monitored for quality assurance”? Well, they usually are. Most companies don’t permit their employees to wait on their relatives, as they’re concerned that the employees will give them special treatment. And…
  3. They should have recognized each other’s voices right away. You don’t grow up alongside of someone for your entire life and not be able to instantly recognize their voice over the phone. I’m a twin and every time my twin has called me or vice-versa, we recognize each other’s voices in a nanosecond:

Me: Hello, Mr. Goldstar. My name is Ackbar Mackbar, and I have a wonderful opportunity for you. All I require is $50.

Goldstar: Silverstar, I know it’s you. I already told you, I’m not giving you $50 for that statuette of Big Barda!

So yeah, this ad’s totally busted, but I can still give it a marginal pass since Lisa and Julie are total cutie-pies.

Ad Nausea/Talkin’Nerdy: Lego Star Wars Road Trip Commercial

All of the hype surrounding the imminent premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens caused me to remember this ad from a year or two ago. This is the 2nd (I believe) spot from LEGO’s “Build Together” campaign with the father/son road trip (because apparently, mothers and daughters don’t bond, play with Legos or go on road trips. So LEGO is strictly a guy thing now? Wuuuuut?). Anyways, this particular spot focuses on the Star Wars franchise. Check it out:

 

Yes, that’s George Lowe as the announcer there, and that’s awesome. Despite this, however, I have a couple of nitpicks about this ad. Yeah, I know that I shouldn’t be over thinking a toy commercial, but the fact that Darth Vader is there and not being the bad guy is nothing short of bizarro. Darth Vader is the dark lord of the Sith and Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca and the droids (but not Princess Leia, because girls are icky and they’d contaminate the RV with their cooties) are part of the rebel alliance determined to bring down the empire. They wouldn’t be hanging out as such. Again, yeah, I know this is just a toy commercial and as such, nothing that happens in it is in any way canon to the movie universe, but Darth Vader hanging out with the rest of the Star Wars crew like he’s just one of the gang is just weird. It’d be like seeing the Shredder chillaxing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or He-Man and Skeletor hanging out and acting like bros; it’s just plain odd.

As for the commercial’s punchline where the kid asks his father if they can keep Chewbacca as a pet…

Gyro Robo

“I won’t even dignify that joke with my analysis!”

 

 

 

 

2 Funny/Ad Nausea: Nike Presto!

Back in 2000, Nike first unveiled their Presto! collection, a unique line of sneaks which boasted wonderfully garish colors and comically unusual names, such as Shady Milkman and Orange Monk. There were also some pretty cool, funny animated spots made for this product line. Here are the ads for 6 of them.

For the record, the other 7 were:

  • Catfight Shiner
  • Rogue Kielbasa
  • The Hungry Fisherman
  • Chips and Dip
  • Angry Chicken
  • Migraine Fly
  • Stephen Murphy

I wish they had gotten commercials too. (There was alive-action spot made for Angry Chicken, featuring a guy doing parkour to escape a chicken, but it wasn’t nearly as interesting.) I would have LOVED to have seen what kind of cool animations this crew could have come up with for Stephen Murphy and Rogue Kielbasa. The mind boggles.

Ad Nausea: Can’t Stop the Music…But We’re Trying

You know what’s been grinding my gears lately?

This ad for the 2016 Honda Pilot:

 

As you may know, this ad is actually a follow-up to a spot Honda did about 2 years earlier, but it’s the same basic premise: take a once cool rock song and all but ruin it by having a really cornball suburban family belt it out like the sort of bastardized version you’d hear over the PA system of a department store. First it was Black Sabbath’s “Crazy Train”, now it’s Weezer’s “Buddy Holly”. Who’s next? let me just say this: Stay away from Metallica. That’s the line.

I mean, come on, Honda. That youngest daughter looks to be about 6 and the younger son looks about 8, and we’re supposed to believe that these 2 and Gramps even know who Weezer is, let alone know the lyrics to a Weezer song that came out in 1995? I call baloney on that. Maybe the 2 teen kids might have heard the song once or twice as toddlers, but it’s really a stretch to imagine that little Mason and Chelsea are familiar with this novelty alternative rock song which came out at least 2 decades before they were even born, and there’s absolutely no frelling way that Peepop knows the lyrics to “Buddy Holly” unless he’s a retired roadie for the band. Also, how did the young 20-somethings in the other car hear the family singing when their windows were rolled up all the way?

Getting back to this ad’s 2012 predecessor for a second…

…As with the “Buddy Holly” spot, the ad makers went overboard with the casting, placing 7 family members into the Honda in order to show how many people it can seat; when the original spot came out, folks on YouTube went double-live gonzo over the fact that there was a black child riding along with this otherwise all-Caucasian family (guess which one’s adopted??), hitting cyberspace with such zingers as these:

mortimer-snerd

 

“They probably kidnapped the black kid!”

-Yeah, suburban white families abduct African American kids and force them to accompany them on leisurely jaunts on the road all the time. So…

epic_fail_by_danzilla3

 

And,

jackass

“It’s racist that the black kid is riding in the back!”

To which I say, Yes, he’s riding in the back of the car…

no-shit-sherlock

He’s a KID. He’s riding in the back seat of the car with all of the other KIDS. Would it have made you feel better if they had instead stuffed him inside of the glove compartment or bungee corded him to the roof?

-On top of everything else, the “Buddy Holly” family isn’t even doing the song right. They’re singing it too fast and completely ignoring the beat.

I’ll let the original artists show these folks how it’s done.

And that’s the name of that tune.