Why Dipper and Mabel Pines are Awesome!

  1. They’re twins. By now the awesomeness of twins should be self-explanatory.
  2. They get to spend the summer with supernatural oddities, mysteries waiting to be solved, and a known con-man.
  3. Dipper is an academic genius. We like geniuses here almost as much as we like twins.
  4. Dipper has a birthmark in the shape of the Big Dipper, proof that he’s a genuine mutant. The Xavier Academy should be calling any minute.
  5. Mabel rocks those stylin’ braces and a seemingly endless supply of colorful sweaters with cute decals.
  6. Mabel’s an avid collector of stuffed animals, though she only actually loves half of them.
  7. Mabel’s kind of crazy. We like crazy.
  8. Dipper’s done a brief stint in county jail for assisting his great uncle in a counterfeit money making scam. Dude’s got prison cred.
  9. Dipper once brought a fighting video game character to life. I’m waiting for someone to teach me that trick with Chun-Li.
  10. Mabel has a pet pig.
  11. They’ve played Laser Tag in the future!
  12. Mabel’s best pals with a deep voiced Amazon and a girl who wears cutlery on her hands.
  13. They’ve gone trick-or-treating as jars of peanut butter and jelly.
  14. Dipper’s been called cute by Wendy Corduroy in the past.
  15. Dipper’s a fan of girly bubblegum pop music. Way to tear down the walls of gender stereotyping, bro.
  16. They boast the title of “Mystery Twins”! That’s just cool to say.

Why Doc is Awesome!

  1. He’s the leader of the 7D. Every pack needs an Alpha Dog.
  2. He’s a genius. We love our short brainiacs here.
  3. He can get into almost anyplace just by saying, “I’m a doctor”.
  4. That bitchin’ bow tie.
  5. He’s voiced by Bill Farmer, the voice of Goofy. Do we even need to say why Goofy is awesome?
  6. He has gadgets stored inside his hat. Who else can boast that besides Inspector Gadget?
  7. He claims that the Bonnie Tyler song “Holding On for a Hero” is actually about him.
  8. Dude was steampunk before steampunk was cool.
  9. He’s been in close quarters with both a princess and a queen. That’s stroke!
  10. His name. You can greet him by saying, “What’s up, Doc?”

Why Applejack is Awesome!

  1. She’s cool, despite being an Earth pony and not having any special powers.*
  2. That stylin’ Stetson.
  3. She’s named after a a strong alcoholic beverage produced from apples. I’d buy that for a dollar!
  4. She’s voiced by Ashleigh Ball, doing an Ozark accent said to have been lifted from Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus.
  5. She owns and runs her own farm. Farm livin’ is the life for me, as long as I’ve got indoor air conditioning, high-speed broadband internet, fiber optic cable or satellite television, I’m a short driving distances from the malls, restaurants and shopping centers, there aren’t any animals on the property and I don’t have to do any actual work.
  6. She eats, drinks, sells, lives and breathes apples. We all know someone who’s married to their profession.
  7. She’s prolific with a lasso. It’s amazing enough that she can even tie a knot in a rope with no hands.
  8. Her mane and tail are braided. Nice.
  9. She’s one of the only two members of the main cast who were part of the original My Little Pony cast in the 1980s animated series, the other member being Spike, after Hasbro didn’t maintain the trademarks to nearly all of the original character names and most names had to be replaced. Kinda dropped the ball there, Hasbro.
  10. She has a gaggle of kinfolk, both immediate and extended, a large family of Earth pony farmers, who own apple farms all over Equestria, all of whom have similar apple-themed names. There’s  Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Caramel Apple, Apple Strudel, Apple Tart, Baked Apples, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp, Apple Cobbler, Apple Honey, Apple Pie, Gala Appleby, Lavender Fritter, Peachy Sweet, Apple Brown Betty, Braeburn, Big McIntosh, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith. Betcha thought I was going to screw that up.
  11. Her family are the original founders of Ponyville. That’s stroke.
  12. She can play the banjo and the fiddle. Again, no small achievement when you don’t have hands.
*Actually, Earth ponies are physically very powerful, capable of performing incredible feats of strength with little or no visible strain, and enjoy long-lasting stamina, and have a special connection to nature, animals, and plants. Though they lack the ability to consciously cast spells like unicorns or to fly and walk on clouds like Pegasi, the race possesses a passive, botanically focused magic unique to them, and their connection to nature makes them “just as necessary” as and “perhaps more important” than the other ponies. Plus, heck, I just like to route for underdogs.

Why Twilight Sparkle is Awesome!

  1. She’s a unicorn, and unicorns are naturally cool.*
  2.  She’s purple, my favorite color.
  3. She has a big ol’ brain. Anyone who studies magic and science is OK in my book!
  4. Prior to moving to Ponyville, she was an anti-social recluse. I can relate.
  5. That mane and tail. You’ve just got to love the streaks.
  6.  She’s voiced by Tara Strong.
  7.  Until recently, she lived in a tree house with a magical lightning rod so’s not to get struck by lightning. Now that’s thinking green!
  8. I just plain like the name “Twilight Sparkle”. It rolls off the tongue nicely.
  9. She has purple eyes.
  10. She has mad organization skills.
  11. She hangs out with a dragon, which makes her cool by association.
  12.  She’s got that bitchin’ cutie mark.
  13.  She was mentored by Princess (should be Queen) Celestia, babysat by another princess (Cadence) and her brother (Shining Armor) is a member of the Royal Guard, so she’s connected.
  14. Her Element of Harmony is Magic. The other Elements are OK too, for the “hippy-dippy” stuff, but magic can actually kick ass.
  15. She can do the Elaine from Seinfeld dance.
  16.  In an alternate reality, she looks like this:

You’ve got the look!

*Yes, I know that Twilight Sparkle is an allicorn now, but honestly, I prefer Twilight before she became a princess. I think that the whole allicorn princess thing should have been saved for the series finale, but that’s just me.

Why Gear is Awesome!

  1. He’s another in that rare and proud lineage of super-powered geeks.
  2. He’s best buddies with Dakota’s resident high-voltage hero.
  3. His Bang Baby power is super-intelligence: able to design ultra-tech gizmos at the drop of a hat and acing his tests with only a short glance at the questions. Basically he’s Brainiac 5 without the green skin.
  4. He manages to be a cool formidable hero despite having the middle name Osgood.
  5. He’s the creator of Back-Pack, a robot unit usable as a probe and portable computer assistance system. It’s like a smartphone you can wear on your back.
  6. His uniform colors are green and white, the coolest color combination in the world! (New York Jets fans only)
  7. He’s cool despite his uniform colors being green and white, the lamest color combination in the world! (New York Jets haters only)
  8. He’s created Jet-Blades, vectored thruster-equipped jet boots, from modified roller blades. He’s Sidewalk Surfer!
  9. He has his own hoverboard, the Jet Board. We’re all supposed to have hoverboards by 2015, according to the movie Back to the Future II. Clock’s ticking, scientists!
  10. He created a sensor and neural interface control helmet, which constantly feeds information to his brain, the data stream of which can only be read by super-intellects, thus making unusable for everybody except for him, Professor Steven Hawking and Bill Gates.
  11. He’s created Zap-Caps, grenade-like explosive balls which upon impact can zap their victims with electric shock or encase them in a concrete-like substance of his own design, which hardens faster than concrete and is 10 times as strong. He’s like a Home Depot version of a superhero.
  12. He’s also created Zap Caps, Mark II, grenade-like balls with metal bands for restraining purposes. Plus, Zap Caps is just fun to say.
  13. He modified a freaking TV remote for time travel! Most of us can’t even get every clock in our houses synced up.
  14. He’s been shown to still be fighting crime in the not-too-distant future, despite gaining a gut. Hey, those donuts are like edible crack!